Why am I feeling this way?

Anonymous
I’m a senior in high school in the waiting process for college. I have started my new semester classes and I am not doing good in them. I am usually a B+ to A type student and in two of my classes I have C’s (AP government and regular Physics). I have been under A LOT of stress from going to therapy sessions with my mother. Short story; I am living with my father but I am required to meet with my mother who has a mental illness. I just hate going there, it screws with my emotions. I cry for hours after I go to these sessions. It’s a court-order for me and my brother to go :(

I don't know what’s wrong with me. I go to see my own therapist every other week or so but lately I have lost motivation. I don’t think it is senioritis. Today I failed a physics test that I studied for a week in advance and during the whole test I was telling myself awful things like “you’re going to fail!”, “wtf you dumbass you are so stupid” “ [peer name] is much better at this than you”. Yeah I know it is bad. I ask questions, I am a very good learner but I have been beating myself up lately.
I go to bed early and get up early, getting 8 hours of sleep but I have been feeling very tired and exhausted.
I want to be a doctor and I keep thinking very negative, disturbing thoughts that are preventing me from doing well. The thought “you are not good enough, therefore you will never be good enough” always pops up into my head.
Thank you for reading all of the text if you did
Any advice? Advice for anxiety/depression?
Why am I feeling this way?
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