How do I deal with girlfriend weight issues?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend has put on a little weight in recent months. She used to be very thin a few years ago, and now most of her clothes don't fit anymore. We started the relationship when she was already less skinny so its not an issue to me, but to her it is a big deal. She feels bad about it and the subject comes out in conversations quite often, brought out by her of course. I honestly don't mind, but I honestly don't know how to respond. I used to tell her I thought she was beautiful (which I do), but she always shut that down telling me I was just saying it because I didn't want any trouble. I quickly changed the subject after that but then she got a little upset because I stopped her from venting out. SO I stopped doing that also. My current behavior involves not saying anything , let her talk about her weight problems a little and then hug her, kiss her or a combination of both, and hope she gets distracted and then change the subject slowly. So far so good, but I'm afraid this way is going to backfire in any moment. This is the first time I'm with a girl like this. I love her very much so I don't want to hurt her, so I would like to get an input from girls about this. Thanks

[Anonymous]

You're navigated some of the minefield pretty good there, for a first timer.

The only slight mistake you made, is that you saw she had an upcoming vent (which they sometimes need) and you bypassed it. That leads to a build up of pressure inside her.

When a girl needs to vent, you should let her vent.

Still, it seems like you even learned that lesson.

"My current behavior involves not saying anything , let her talk about her weight problems a little and then hug her, kiss her or a combination of both, and hope she gets distracted and then change the subject slowly. "

I would advise against the say nothing strategy. I would go back to the praise her strategy. Even though she'll shut it down, and say that you're only saying that... it will still feel good for her to hear it. Stand up for yourself, when she tries to shut you down. Because by doing that, you're also kind of standing up for her, against the bitter self-doubting version of herself.

If you thought you could get away with playing mind games with her, you could make a bigger deal out of it, not allow her to shut you down. When she tries, get in her face with "Are you calling me a liar?" And turn the tables on her.

I don't like that stuff myself. I hate mind games, and would find it hypocritical to play them on my partner.

Couples fight. Don't be afraid of that. If you know how to argue, it's often cathartic. (And that means, keeping a lid on your temper, no ultimatums, remembering that you're arguing over opinions, not belittling the other person, and allowing her to say things in the heat of the moment which you *won't* judge her for later when she's calmed down).

[Anonymous]

Every time I give my girlfriend a compliment, she responds with "You're crazy" or "You're just saying that because you love me". It's kind of annoying, really.

Wish she'd sometimes just respond with "thank you" and a kiss.

[Anonymous]

Most girls think they are fat and always put them self down. Every time my boyfriend gives me a complement I mainly say no I'm not. You need to tell her to her face that you Love her no matter what and you would love her to take your compliments. Or you can ask her what annoys her about you and then hopefully she will ask the same question and then you tell her that you want her to take a compliment.

Trust me all girls do it, Some just hide it better.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you' re an amazing Boyfriend and you're doing the best you can.