My boyfriend of almost two years refuses to spend any holydays with me, his excuses never make sense, what should I think of this?

Question

Every holyday, I make sure I ask him sometimes a week or days before "babe, do you have any plans for thanksgivin?" or "babe, are we spending the first seconds of the new year together?" In fact, the day before each holiday he always does or say something upsetting to me that causes us to fall out until the day of the event.
I am a sentimental person, and these things mean a lot to me but i feel like he purposefully acts in a mean way toward me so that he won't only decline spending the time but makes sure i end up upset. I asked him yesterday if he has plan for today, he didn't answer instead he did something upsettng to me, i asked him again today, He just told me "its been a bad year, blah blah;" "i hate the fct that u always try to dictate how my hlidays go, i may wnna spend it in my house alone, at church, with my friends, befre you and after you i always spent them my own way" i was like sp there's an after me he said its npt what he meant tio say. Last year (our first new year together) i said babe since you have to go to church and i have to do so and i wanted to spend it together i can come to your church or yoiu can come to mine or we can meet up after church ( none of it happened, we didn't see each other till afternoon of January 1st.
IM the same girl who has been by his side this whole year 50hrs+ per week working in his small business, making paperwork, making ideas coming to reality, finding him financial opportunities. I dnt understand the "its been a bad year for me" part because i was there with u thriough it all every fustration, hurt, betrayal, anger, loss, deception i took them with u and sometimes he even take these things out on me
. What should i do, im a bit upset becoz i see that he's still being slefish and won't compromise

Answer 1

btbc92

Master

To be honest no offense I think you're sounding a bit way too clingy and this is not a relationship that was working out. He wants to be by himself. He wasn't have time for himself. Relationships in a sense is not like that. When you're married that is definitely important. But if it's really important to you then you need to be with somebody who buy used the same thing as you do. But the more you keep hounding him the worse it's going to get until you both grow to hate each other and I think that's just what it sounds like. You both don't love each other and you might as well just admit that instead of pretending and try to force a relationship that isn't working. To be honest it's really not as important as you really think it is. It is in a sense can be important, but you asking a bit too much of him innocent not because you're not deserving of it. I believe that couples should make the effort to be with each other. But if you know you want that then you need to be with somebody who values that just as much as you do. For me other woman I don't really care too much about that oh, but I have friends that do care about that. And deal with people who also feel the same way. So you need to be with people who feel the same way as you do. But in the end don't beat him down because he already feels beaten down that's probably why he's beating you down to. Stop beating each other down. Because you're not going to get anywhere with it.

btbc92

18 d
Relationships as you must understand it's not about compromise. The problem is that you are too busy compromising yourself or other people. When people compromise themselves for a relationship it means that they don't love themselves enough. That means that you'd suffered a lot of abuse emotional neglect growing up somewhere that you now feel that you must get those need from a partner. But it's not a partner's job to provide you those need is basically your parents. If your parents have neglected that then you must learn to find Waze in a healthy manner where you can receive that. But when you're in a partnership with another person there needs to be boundaries and there must be balanced. There is no balance let alone any boundaries in your relationship. And what you need to do instead of trying to basically Force things that isn't really going to change you need to reevaluate your relationship. You need to evaluate your intentions the same way you need to question him of his intentions for a relationship. Because if he is not going to Value you for you, then he doesn't need to be in a relationship either. But if you are so upset to the point you feel like you must have certain things done or else your unhappy, then you must find the source of your unhappiness. And get healed from it before it impacts every relationship you're in. Everybody needs to be loved. But they're also must be respect. And you must learn to respect each other. If you can't do it then you have to let the relationship go. The same advice I tell my friends it's the same advice I'm telling you.
Wildflower8

18 d
Hold on !! So based on your opinion we "hate each other" and we "should stop pretending blh blah" . I dont think u know me enough to say that i dont love him anymore or that his relationship isn't working. Please stick to answering the question. Its not about you, if somethng means something to me you can't tell me that it realy doesn't matter that much like i think
btbc92

18 d
Do you not hear how you speaking to me? That's why you have a problem because you don't listen as much as you want to say he doesn't listen to you parrot that's hate. Because you're just as selfish as kids and you attractive person who again does not share the same values. That's why I said stop pretending. Because none of what you're saying and how you're applying so that you have love. It shows that you have needs and never been met and you got to fix that first before you want to try to fix his issues. You're right is not about me it's all about you and all I'm seeing about was you and him you both are not compatible with each other.
Show All Show Less
btbc92

18 d
I think the other male use a pretty much pointed that out. You tolerate things that don't have to be tolerated. That's not my relationship. That's yours. And either you love it, or you hate it. Actions speak louder than words. A person that loves you value you. They will not dismiss how you feel. They would make sacrifices. But it doesn't mean you compromise. He may need more long time then you do. That doesn't necessarily make him bad. But he can't be so engrossed with what he wants that he neglects you either. If you expect to keep this relationship then you need to find better Solutions or else you don't have a relationship. It wouldn't be my relationship. If a person deliberately treated me like that I would have walked I would not stay I don't care how much I love the person. A person that does not value you enough to hear you it's not somebody that loves you. What more do you want me to tell you? You both are one and the same you just do it differently.
Wildflower8

18 d
please be realistic, anyone who are in a succesful relationship will tell you that compromising is one of the major keys, just because I asked a question doesn't mean im not going to challenge a tacky opinion. The points you made could have been acceptable in a different situation, compromising doesn't lower your value instead it helps you to see other people than yourself, it helps you to acknowledge their wants and needs, its not about "compromising yourself or other people" its about making compromises for the happiness of both parties smhh. by the way why call me selfish? Please move along, you sound like you just want to be right and therefore, acting like a relationship expert.
btbc92

18 d
The one that needs to be realistic as yourself. Many of my friends with the same thing like you and if it actually worked they would have those relationships right now. I don't care about being right. I care about the truth. You're the one that invited me to this question. If you don't like what I got to say them please don't invite me anymore. You need to challenge yourself because again it's your life is your choice I'm not the one that's in that relationship. Because those who are in successful relationship will not tell you that. They will tell you to not only grow up. But they would tell you to love yourself and be mindful of the kind of people who choose to be with instead of putting blame on other people. You are still young and you still have to learn these lessons for yourself. But it's up to you to learn them.
btbc92

18 d
This is common sense. Because if you know so much then you're responsible. Don't blame him for something that you already know because in the end is is going to make you look stupid. Because by admit it you just said about me wanting to be right and look like a relationship expert. Who said that I wasn't expert? I just have common sense. At least I said that common sense and wisdom to you. But it's up to you to either heed my warning or continue on with life and then still be miserable in relationships that you're in. Everybody has a choice. Everything in life is a choice. It's your choice. It's not mine.

Relationships have rules and it has nothing to do with compromise. Relationships are not 50/50. It is 100% every single day that means you put in your hundred percent, and he has to put his 100%. If he is not putting his 100% then that is not a relationship. Period. Mature adults know this, immature adults who have yet to learn this still thinks that is what relationship is about. And it's not. It doesn't work in the long run. Somebody if not both is bound to be unhappy and miserable. You're responsible for your own happiness. No relationship can make you happy if you're not already happy. That's reality. If relationships was that easy so many people with be together today. Did you want to challenge me so much then let me at least challenge you with this question. If your relationship was that simple and easy than why is either you or him unhappy? You're the one that needs to answer that question now I can't answer that for you. Relationships take work. If this guy didn't even bother putting in the work how can you expect to reap the benefits on holidays?
btbc92

18 d
By admission*
Who said I was an expert*

Answer 2

btbc92

Relationships as you must understand it's not about compromise. The problem is that you are too busy compromising yourself or other people. When people compromise themselves for a relationship it means that they don't love themselves enough. That means that you'd suffered a lot of abuse emotional neglect growing up somewhere that you now feel that you must get those need from a partner. But it's not a partner's job to provide you those need is basically your parents. If your parents have neglected that then you must learn to find Waze in a healthy manner where you can receive that. But when you're in a partnership with another person there needs to be boundaries and there must be balanced. There is no balance let alone any boundaries in your relationship. And what you need to do instead of trying to basically Force things that isn't really going to change you need to reevaluate your relationship. You need to evaluate your intentions the same way you need to question him of his intentions for a relationship. Because if he is not going to Value you for you, then he doesn't need to be in a relationship either. But if you are so upset to the point you feel like you must have certain things done or else your unhappy, then you must find the source of your unhappiness. And get healed from it before it impacts every relationship you're in. Everybody needs to be loved. But they're also must be respect. And you must learn to respect each other. If you can't do it then you have to let the relationship go. The same advice I tell my friends it's the same advice I'm telling you.

Answer 3

Wildflower8

Hold on !! So based on your opinion we "hate each other" and we "should stop pretending blh blah" . I dont think u know me enough to say that i dont love him anymore or that his relationship isn't working. Please stick to answering the question. Its not about you, if somethng means something to me you can't tell me that it realy doesn't matter that much like i think

Answer 4

btbc92

Do you not hear how you speaking to me? That's why you have a problem because you don't listen as much as you want to say he doesn't listen to you parrot that's hate. Because you're just as selfish as kids and you attractive person who again does not share the same values. That's why I said stop pretending. Because none of what you're saying and how you're applying so that you have love. It shows that you have needs and never been met and you got to fix that first before you want to try to fix his issues. You're right is not about me it's all about you and all I'm seeing about was you and him you both are not compatible with each other.

Answer 5

btbc92

I think the other male use a pretty much pointed that out. You tolerate things that don't have to be tolerated. That's not my relationship. That's yours. And either you love it, or you hate it. Actions speak louder than words. A person that loves you value you. They will not dismiss how you feel. They would make sacrifices. But it doesn't mean you compromise. He may need more long time then you do. That doesn't necessarily make him bad. But he can't be so engrossed with what he wants that he neglects you either. If you expect to keep this relationship then you need to find better Solutions or else you don't have a relationship. It wouldn't be my relationship. If a person deliberately treated me like that I would have walked I would not stay I don't care how much I love the person. A person that does not value you enough to hear you it's not somebody that loves you. What more do you want me to tell you? You both are one and the same you just do it differently.

Answer 6

Wildflower8

please be realistic, anyone who are in a succesful relationship will tell you that compromising is one of the major keys, just because I asked a question doesn't mean im not going to challenge a tacky opinion. The points you made could have been acceptable in a different situation, compromising doesn't lower your value instead it helps you to see other people than yourself, it helps you to acknowledge their wants and needs, its not about "compromising yourself or other people" its about making compromises for the happiness of both parties smhh. by the way why call me selfish? Please move along, you sound like you just want to be right and therefore, acting like a relationship expert.

Answer 7

btbc92

The one that needs to be realistic as yourself. Many of my friends with the same thing like you and if it actually worked they would have those relationships right now. I don't care about being right. I care about the truth. You're the one that invited me to this question. If you don't like what I got to say them please don't invite me anymore. You need to challenge yourself because again it's your life is your choice I'm not the one that's in that relationship. Because those who are in successful relationship will not tell you that. They will tell you to not only grow up. But they would tell you to love yourself and be mindful of the kind of people who choose to be with instead of putting blame on other people. You are still young and you still have to learn these lessons for yourself. But it's up to you to learn them.

Answer 8

btbc92

This is common sense. Because if you know so much then you're responsible. Don't blame him for something that you already know because in the end is is going to make you look stupid. Because by admit it you just said about me wanting to be right and look like a relationship expert. Who said that I wasn't expert? I just have common sense. At least I said that common sense and wisdom to you. But it's up to you to either heed my warning or continue on with life and then still be miserable in relationships that you're in. Everybody has a choice. Everything in life is a choice. It's your choice. It's not mine.

Relationships have rules and it has nothing to do with compromise. Relationships are not 50/50. It is 100% every single day that means you put in your hundred percent, and he has to put his 100%. If he is not putting his 100% then that is not a relationship. Period. Mature adults know this, immature adults who have yet to learn this still thinks that is what relationship is about. And it's not. It doesn't work in the long run. Somebody if not both is bound to be unhappy and miserable. You're responsible for your own happiness. No relationship can make you happy if you're not already happy. That's reality. If relationships was that easy so many people with be together today. Did you want to challenge me so much then let me at least challenge you with this question. If your relationship was that simple and easy than why is either you or him unhappy? You're the one that needs to answer that question now I can't answer that for you. Relationships take work. If this guy didn't even bother putting in the work how can you expect to reap the benefits on holidays?

Answer 9

btbc92

By admission*
Who said I was an expert*

Answer 10

slatyb

Master

Two years? Why have you accepted this for so long? Are you willing to spend holidays alone for another two years? Five? Ten? Thirty? If not, why do you think it will change in the future?

Wildflower8

18 d
You are definitely right, last year though I was upset it seemed like he didn't care. Nothing changed this year apparently, we have a lot of great plans together but im not sure if i can go through with it, because i feel like im the one whos always giving and fixing with no complainta

Answer 11

Wildflower8

You are definitely right, last year though I was upset it seemed like he didn't care. Nothing changed this year apparently, we have a lot of great plans together but im not sure if i can go through with it, because i feel like im the one whos always giving and fixing with no complainta

Answer 12

AndyOh

Yoda

Find another boyfriend.
Something sounds fishy with him.

AndyOh

13 d
Thanks for the MHO and I hope things work out for You. :)

Answer 13

AndyOh

Thanks for the MHO and I hope things work out for You. :)

Answer 14

daniel_shalome

Xper 5

You sound clingy yo

That's not bad but it's not for everyone.

Do a small YouTube research on Narcissist & Co dependent Relationship. I'm starting to see a lot of red flags on both sides.

Answer 15

Jamie05rhs

Guru

You've already asked us about this guy before. He's USING you. He doesn't care about you at all. Can't you see?

Answer 16

spartan55

Master

You should think "why the hell am I allowing myself to be treated like shit?"

Answer 17

eagle1951 | 64 opinions shared on Holidays topic.

Guru

wow, that totally sucks. wonder what he does

Wildflower8

18 d
Career wise?
eagle1951

18 d
gees that's even worse. Career. O ver the Woman he Loves.
Wildflower8

18 d
Lol u said "wonder what he does" i thought u were asking about his career. I have no idea what he does, last year he told me he went to church, this year i dnt even know
Show All Show Less
eagle1951

18 d
if he went to church why didn't he take yiou?

Answer 18

Wildflower8

Career wise?

Answer 19

eagle1951

gees that's even worse. Career. O ver the Woman he Loves.

Answer 20

Wildflower8

Lol u said "wonder what he does" i thought u were asking about his career. I have no idea what he does, last year he told me he went to church, this year i dnt even know

Answer 21

eagle1951

if he went to church why didn't he take yiou?

My boyfriend of almost two years refuses to spend any holydays with me, his excuses never make sense, what should I think of this?

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