Is there any hope for me socially?

I'm really shy and stare at the ground a lot. Sometimes I walk into things, and, occasionally, almost into people. I find it difficult to make eye contact, but I do when people are talking to me. I try very hard to be polite and respectful. I have a soft, musical voice that sounds odd and high-pitched when I'm nervous or angry. Sometimes, my accent comes out country. (I usually affect a more upper-class "preppy" Southern accent.) This embarrasses me so much because I also have a crooked tooth I can't afford to fix right now, and most of the people I'm around have a bit "preppier" history.
When guys approach me, I don't know what to say, and sometimes I giggle nervously or keep too straight of a facial expression when I talk to them. Usually, they get either that distinctive "rejected" look or look confused after talking to me. Some guys brazenly check me out frequently over a period of time but then never try to talk to me. I know that I should be more encouraging, but, whenever a guy seems to like me and I like him, I get so anxious I can't think strait.
I think this is what keeps me from dating, but I'm also worried that I'm just too weird and awkward in general. I have Aspergers but am very high-functioning, and I don't think anyone would guess it. It does, however, make socializing much more difficult, and (I don't mean to brag about this. It really is a problem.) I have an uncommonly high IQ (157) which also is supposed to make socializing more difficult.
I also tend to come across as sweet, and my family, at least, enjoys my company. I'm almost everyone's favorite sister, daughter, granddaughter, cousin.
For reference, as much as looks are relevant, this is my picture, and I'm decently fit, naturally curvy, and not overweight.
Is there any hope for me socially?Is there any hope for me, and what should I do?
(Bye the way, thanks to anyone who read this or responded or especially both.)

  • Yes.
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  • No.
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  • I'd like to say so.
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  • I empathize.
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  • Other.
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Updates:
I should probably clarify that I don't mean just dating. I want to expand my social horizons generally.
I should probably clarify about the IQ thing that there is supposed to be an inverse correlation between how high someone's IQ is and the number of friends that they are likely to acquire. (I understand that correlation isn't causation, and there are exceptions to almost every rule.) 157 isn't THAT high, but I thought that was concerning. Also, the IQ test itself was a real, in-person test by a qualified professional who had no reason to skew the results one way or another.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • there's def hope for you, you are really cute and gorgeous
    just try to blend in slowly, and make small talk with anyone you dont know, and then slowly you will be friends with them
    and also dont think about it too much, when a guy approaches you just go with the flow and talk to him

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Most Helpful Girl

  • first of all... I love your hair. jealoussss.
    second.. I was a lot like u a few years ago. I literally couldn't even order fries at McDonald's without blushing. Joining social networks and talking to people all over the world helped me out heaps. I still find it hard to keep eye contact unless I'm really close with a person but I think that's pretty normal

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    • Thank you for the compliment, and I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one and that's it's working out for you:)

    • 😊😊😊❀

What Guys Said 17

  • Ah, hello again Neverneverland. As far as your question goes, there's always hope :). I can definitely emphasize, as I've struggled with social anxiety for some time. Thankfully, it's gotten 1000x better over the years. The key is simple, just keep pushing yourself to move outside your comfort zone and be around lots of people. Also, you're definitely way overthinking things. I'm guilty of this as well, but you have to realize that most people don't really notice let alone care that you seemed slightly shy, awkward, etc. If a guy approaches you and you're interested, make sure to smile and possibly let him know that you're shy. That way, you let him know that you're interested and that he didn't do anything wrong in approaching you.

    Additionally, when you're feeling nervous, I always find deep breathing to help a lot. "Mindfulness" helps too if you've got the time. When I'm really desperate, I take valerian root which does wonders. In general, though, I think you should practice being confident. In my teens, I used to look at the ground a lot too (and sometimes I still get the urge lol). As hard as it is, try to force yourself to look up at people. Be proud! You seem like a very sweet, cute and intelligent girl. You've got a lot going for you, so keep reminding yourself of this. Don't worry so much about messing up, everyone messes up. Like I said, no one really notices or cares. What's important is to forget about it and just try again.

    Whew! I feel like I'm writing a book here lol. One last thing is you wrote: "I try very hard to be polite and respectful." I'm totally guilty of this. There's nothing wrong in being polite and respectful, but you don't want to overdo it if that makes any sense. Don't let being nice prevent you from speaking your mind. It's okay if you annoy people or make them angry (as long as you don't go out of your way to do it haha). Part of being confident is knowing that you can't please everyone and that you're not responsible for their feelings. Does that make any sense? I'm just saying don't be afraid to express yourself (all of yourself). Alright, I'm finished lol. Hope that helped πŸ˜„!

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    • Thank you. That's very helpful. You really put a lot of effort into this; didn't you? That's sweet.

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    • That's cool. I like those things too. I've always had a bit of a fondness for art (specifically drawing). It's nice to be creative every now and then. Also, I actually like reading up on world history in my free time. It's cool to learn about different civilizations, cultures and events (mesopotamia, ancient egypt, Spanish civil war, russian revolution, so on and so forth). As for literature, I'm admittedly not as well read as I used to be. I've gotten a bit lazy when it comes to reading books lately lol. Have you ever considered traveling the world if you got the chance? I'm sure that would give you plenty of ideas and inspirations for your writing. by the way, would you be interested in PMing?

    • I'd jump at the chance to travel anywhere. You can pm me if you want, but I can't figure out how to send the first message.

  • lol, let me guess, you did an online IQ test?

    Nah, you're capable of talking to people. As the Good Book says, "He who hath friends must show himself friendly". If you want friends, you need to get better at proactively engaging people and learning to make basic conversation - if you're at uni, stuff like where they're from, what their major is, what they do in their spare time, etc. is pretty standard. It's not that other people won't ever initiate a conversation first, but you need practice to be able to carry your end of it.

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    • Lol. It was a formal, in-person IQ test from a professional I wasn't paying. I really like the rest of your response though. Is that from Proverbs?

  • Social skills and competence as well as confidence don't happen in a vacuum nor are a birth-right. They are acheived and improvable skills to have.

    Or in short: If you work on yourself, there is hope. If you just hope for a miracle to happen, you will always be less than you could be.

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  • Yep there is hope. Not to be an ass, and I can't stand when someone takes one part of a question or reply, But having a higher IQ does not correlate to social awkwardness.. You seem to look and speak very nicely and respectfully. That goes a very long way :) I was very socially inept when I was a child, but that was early teenage years, I was sort of forced to grow up quickly after that. I know that doesn't really help, but thought that I would share.

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  • I'm also shy and I spend most of my day in silence. Sometimes when someone talks to me I feel very surprised and I also don't know what to say or act and my heart goes crazy.

    But I learned that whatever you say, almost always is correct. I try to say the first thing that comes to my mind and then listen the other person and continue the conversation from there.

    My advice is to talk more and think less. I know it's hard we tend to rationalize and overthink everything, analysing pros and cons of every word. Just be calm and talk. Whatever you say, do it with security. Once you start, it's like a snowball and you will be more comfortable and relaxed.

    Lastly, you sound very sweet and you look great in that picture. I'm sure that guys are more nervous than you when they approach you. So, don't give up.

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    • That's exactly how I am about the overthinking, and that's great advice. Thank you for the compliment:)

  • Damn you are cute <3.
    Wait... let me have a courage myself to ask you out :p

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    • Lol. Thank you!

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    • Nah nah nothing ridiculous! It's natural
      Happy new year !!

    • Happy New Year!

  • i personally find shy girls adorable and i pretty much only go after those girls. the really loud and ebrasive ones aren't my type i guess. if there are any other guys like me out there then there will surely be hope for you in the dating world.

    ps: i also have aspergers and i have learned to socialise way better. if you need tips just pm me

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  • There's definitely hope. You're cute and for the nervousness while socializing thing you just have to talk to a lot of people until you're used to it.

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  • You sound so much like me with the social difficulty. I think you are great and I like to hope there is hope for you! Just got to associate with the right people.

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  • Hell yeah. There is nothing more adorable than a cute, shy, clumsy girl! You sound perfect. Sounds like you could make a lot of friends and catch the attention of almost any guy you want ;)

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    • Lol. Thank you. I catch plenty of attention when I walk straight into something, but I'm not sure it's a good attention.

    • haha XD Maybe it's just me then that finds cute clumsy girls irresistible XD

  • There is always hope , for someone to met mr. Right. Just gotta help make the move happen.

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  • You know your strengths don't you?

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    • Lol. I don't mean to brag. I just felt like I needed to talk about my self to give relevant details.

    • I would suggest you write blogs, share your thoughts.

      I would love to read (and if I am worth exchange) your ideas.

    • Aww... Thank you. I've never really considered writing a blog. I'll think about it.

  • My ideal girl would be: sweet, smart and fit. I think its actually hard to find too many girls with all these qualities. You look gorgeous in the picture. So in my opinion you are a perfect girl.

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  • I'd date you

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  • There's hope for you and you are beautiful.

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  • there is hope

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What Girls Said 4

  • Wow, I'm the exact same way.
    You're pretty and seem nice. You have hope. I feel like people naturally like you

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  • You're super cute and you seem to have a great personality as well. All I can say is that there's nothing wrong with being shy, I'm really shy myself, and it doesn't have to stop you (it sure doesn't stop me) from doing things. But you're gonna need to take baby steps out of your comfort zone and sometimes that seems impossible but I can tell you it isn't. Just start slowly, by talking to someone else in your class and then you both go do social activities together. You said your cousins like you, if you have a cousin your age just ask them to hang out sometime. It's always easier and you feel way more relaxed when you have someone you trust with you.

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  • actually you don't look like shy... i recommend you to read some books to get social

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  • Aww you are sweet, you could message me if you want :)

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    • Thank you, but I can't figure out how to message people who haven't already messaged me lol. Do you happen to know how?

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