Dear Husband I’m sorry I’m not perfect.
I don’t really want to be perfect but I’m human just like the rest of us even you are human, we all make mistakes and I’m not even going to pretend I’m perfect cause I know I’m far from it. Somethings yeah I may be a bit of a perfectionist about it, like spelling because I cannot stand typing errors it’s just a pet peeve of mine but I could really care less about grammar to a point I won’t try and fix that or when it comes to money I don’t usually round off I use exact numbers just to make sure we can afford it or whatever. I’m sorry I’m not perfect but neither are you but I don’t point it out every darn mistake you make or if you grab the wrong dinner. Tonight I messed up by grabbing chicken wings when the original plan was to have chicken legs and I didn’t see that I grabbed wings (I’m sorry). How come you had to point it out not once but three times that I messed up?, and you insulted me that I’ve been messing up a lot lately a lot more than usual. I care that I make those types of mistakes but I hate you pointing it out laying it into me like yes I know I made a mistake but do you have to make it so I’m ready to bawl my eyes out? Or I’m ready to say something I might regret? I hate that you push those buttons, you know how much it bloody hurts that I messed up. My parents always laid into me for absolutely no reason at all so of course when I think I messed up because you really hurt me by repeating yourself and my mistake all different ways “yes I get that I messed up and I’m sorry” I’m really tired of having to say I’m sorry even though I truthfully mean it, but do you realize that makes me feel insecure that I’m always a screw up? Because I was never good enough for my parents no matter what I did I could never please them?. I sometimes feel like I go to bed crying at night, in silence because that part of me goes back to being with them and being verbally beaten up.
I don't ever want to go back to that place again! so why would you make me feel that way? when you know all the horrible stuff I was put through?
I know it isn't intentional but when I am put into that position my wall comes back up and I fight and I don't even realize I am doing it... I don't want to hurt you but I also don't want to be hurt.
You don't hurt the ones you love?
Often people act like they do love you but, they don't my parents always told me they loved me, but I still barely believe it even till now. I'm 31 almost now and my mother still treats me like a little kid