Married and crushing and wanting to be friends with the guy! How to handle!?

Here's the deal. I have been together with my husband for six years and we have been married for a year now. I love him deeply. He's my best friend. But now for the first time I have a serious crush.

The guy I have a crush on is my coworker. I didn't like him at first. In fact we worked months together, ignoring each other. But suddenly he was moved to my team and we got to know each other better... and the more I know him the bigger my crush gets.

The good news: he doesn't give a damn about me. At least that's how it seems. He doesn't seem to seek conversations with me or hang around with me just to talk. So the chances that this crushing feeling is mutual is pretty non-existing. I'm clearly not his type, and I am also six years older then he is (not saying that age matters, but six years is quite a big age difference).

However, I would like to make friends with him. I don't have many friends, next to nothing honestly. I just very rarely find people I really, really like. And I happen to like him, a lot.

So now I am a bit confused what should I do.

Is it a bad idea to befriend him more since I do have a crush on him... even though he doesn't seem to care about me that way?

Or is it a bad idea to give up, to take some distance, even though he is the first person in years I really want to be friends with. Friends are important too, and I've been feeling crazy lonely for a long, long time. My husband is awesome, but he doesn't really replace a healthy social life...

Can you be just friends with someone you have a crush on? Can you get over with the crush with time?

Gosh. I spent way too much time thinking about this... I doubt he even really wants to be my friend, even though the converstations we have are pretty amazing and he seems to enjoy them... I just think that maybe he talks with me because he is basically STUCK with me. I don't know if he would even speak with me otherwise :D


Most Helpful Girl

  • There's nothing wrong with wanting to make new friends, but... if you're kind of crusing on this one, I would probably suggest going out with your husband instead or maybe going to do fun activities like joining a club for an outside tennis deal-io or even if you're religious getting more invovled in church, or heck going out to a Zumba class and making some new girlfriends.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • You are honestly being silly here. You are married. Supposedly to your best friend. you have a crush on a guy that is ignoring you. Typical reaction to that. You want to be friends with a guy you have a crush on? Really? That sounds like a bad life choice

    You sound like you are regretting being married.
    Being friends with someone you have a crush on is a good way to end up in a situation where you are going to lose out all the way across the board.

    You and your husband need to have a talk about getting out and meeting new people. It sounds like you are not happy being just the two of you. Now you are doing this.

    personally I think this whole situation is immature. Also crushes tend to lead to disappointment due to people not being what you thought they were

    Also if this guy is ignoring you he might be doing it because he enjoys you going out of your way to talk to him. IE you are getting played.

    Leave your crush at the door, getting involved with this guy knowing you have a crush on him is being intellectually dishonest with yourself. You are hoping to get to know him so possibly something happens. Say no all you want, you want this guy around because you like him and want to see where things go.

    Thats pretty immature. Im sorry, and I dont mean to be offensive, but seriously if your husband found out how would he feel. How would you feel if your husband was doing the same thing you are.


What Girls Said 1

  • Along with his 'Other motives' for 'Not seeking Conversations with me or hang around with me just to talk,' he most likely Knows you are Married, Knows you are someone else's Private Property And------Doesn't give a damn about me. Some guys, whether you are working with them or not, Are just like this. They don't want to get something started, knowing they could end up-------Finishing Last.
    Although You have the 'Coworker crush' and are crying the blues, 'Feeling crazy Lonely for a long, long time,' by trying to Start up something You May never be able to finish---Nor handle----is Only Going to Stir up a hornet's nest, my little bee. And I am right in assuming Something is Missing in your Capital "M" MARRIAGE, which you've spelled out for me here------He really doesn't replace a healthy social life.
    As far as I am concerned, you are 'Stuck' with this 'Awesome' Husband who is Also your----Best friend. And if you've been together for 'Six years,' 'Married for a year,' then it is Time you gave More a Damn about him and your own relationship, then Bothering with a crush that may or may not end up to be---Non existing anyways. Why Fix what isn't Broke. However, by Pursuing a friendship with someone who only talks to your hand, probably knows that you're unavailable, you would Definitely be barking up the wrong tree.
    Go about your business at work. Keep your relationship, lite, and semi sweet, and Keep Your "distance.' Believe me, I have been there, have many regrets...
    It's what I call a 'Triangle Threesome,' and it Can get quite Complicated. I wish I had done-----More time thinking about this. I had to learn the hard way.
    If you want friends, which I know that you long for, find a group, Go on FB, and even with the few friends that you have, make a point to----Make it something... Make this work. You may even find a close girl friend...
    With your husband, it takes open lines of Convo and Compromise, which are good ingredients to Nurture and nurse.
    Good luck. xx