6 years and he keeps me holding on....

We met online.

Met real life 5 months later. was great.

kept in touch, kept in love, made future plans. HE spoke of marriage I just smiled waiting for the official proposal day.

He suddenly got silent in year 3 and that's when I found out he was married but in the middle of a divorce. we broke up (duh) for 8 months. He is now officially divorced and somehow we fell back into our long distance relationship meeting every few months where he confesses his undying love and need for me.

Ok so.. At my age, +30 group, I had to talk about marriage.

He told me how much he loved me and that he was just waiting for a more steady job and didn't want to make any empty promises (followed up by a kiss and tears from him). He 'reassured' me that we are in a committed relationship. Umm he is financially secured and every job he has had in the past 6 years has been top exec positions. I really do believe he loves me as much as I do love him. But, damn... my gut is not so convinced.

So, let's take bets. Who thinks he will propose someday and who thinks he is just dragging me along for company?

09/29. I demanded to see proof of divorce and he faxed me the divorce certificate.Than he promised before November things would change and that he loved me more than anything. I can wait till Nov '09. SO..2010 I will be engaged or hot single female


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well he lied to you for three years...are you sure he's divorced now?

    Yo know what you don't need to have a steady job to get married if you really wanted to get married because you love the person it doesn't matter how much you spend on it...Why aren't you at least engaged with a date so you have something to work towards even if its a year or so away,you know?

    You say he's finacially secure anyway so I think it sounds like nonsense-its the fact that he's already lied to you for years,(AND his wife at the time).

    Nah,sorry,dont buy it.

    Just mho but if he loved you he would of left his wife from the get-go and done things properly,but its never that black and white I know...but now he shouldnt be coming up with these excuses.

    I think he is stringing you along,unless youve seen proof of it id be suprised if he was even divorced,and I think you should find way better..At least,if it were me id be long gone..ALWAYS listen to your gut feeling its very rarely,if ever,wrong.

    I hope for you I'm wrong.

    • Thank you. I re-read your reply many times.

      I would love to get a guys response to:

      "...you don't need to have a steady job to get married if you really wanted to get married because you love the person it doesn't matter how much you spend on it...Why aren't you at least engaged with a date..."

      I have said this several times. His response has been "a real man, a man that is responsible and cares about his wife's future will never marry unless career is 100% set and home is secure."

    • But you said he is finacially secure already,being as he has had good jobs.

      Lets say tht is true,that doesn't stop you getting engaged.

      Of corse you could also argue a real man would of told you the truth about being married,so that's a bit rich.

      Do you know for a fact he's divorced?

      My problem with this is the cliched married man thing,its a typical line "ive left\ will leave the wife and marry you" followed by 101 excuses why it doesn't happen.

      It just sounds off key to me ;os

    • Sincerely: Thank you

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What Girls Said 2

  • ah good luck ;o)

  • I think either one is possible. I don't exactly think that he is dragging you along for company but he could very well just be emotionally unavailable. I mean, he led you on to believe that he was single and committed to you and then it turned out he had a wife. Now he's "not making empty promises" but yet he is by telling you that he is in a committed relationship with you. In your age group, marriage is something necessary to be thinking about and if he is waiting for a "steady job", then he is clearly not that invested in the relationship and is just sort of teetering on the edge of commitment and detachment. Your gut may very well be right but then again.. he might surprise you. The only question is - do you want to stick around long enough to find out?

    Please answer my question in this category with the title What is going on here?

    I would really like a more experienced person's perspective on the matter. Thank you! Hope I helped!

    • So it took 4 minutes for one heck of a reply:) thanks. Just the 'outside perspective' I was hoping to find here.

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