Is my husband going insane? need advice !!

About 3 months ago, my husband and I had a fight because I wanted to take a little vacation to visit my good friend. Reason of that fight was he didn’t trust me, and he dislike that friend of mine because he feels that I have changed since I met this friend, he said I become very moody and always get mad at him, etc. Anyway, a week after that fight, he apologized and said that he’s wrong and promised that he will not be like that anymore. So we reconciled and things have been going well. (This is the first time we fought over this friend, I had visited my friend once a year for the past two years, I can feel that he didn’t like it, but he just didn’t say anything)

About a month ago, my friend and I wanted to plan a getaway vacation for about 2 weeks, and I told my husband about that, his respond was good. About a week ago, he said that he wants to go for a vacation with me too, his plan is to meet up with me at the end of my 2 week vacation, that way I don’t have to fly back home and then take another flight to our destination. His purpose of that is to save some money which I understand. But I don’t really feel like taking such an extended vacation, I don’t want to be away from home that long, I get home sick and very tiring for me. So I told my husband that if he really want to go for the vacation, I could cancel and postpone the vacation with my friend to next year cause it’ll be very costly to take an extended vacation. The minute I told him, he just blew up and accused my girlfriend didn’t want him to go for the vacation. He kept accusing my friend for trying to breakup our marriage and trying to brainwash me. We had a big fight and I left the house. The next day, my friend told me that he sent her an email and said some very mean things. She asked me if she should respond to his email and perhaps do some explanation. I told her no, because she doesn’t owe him any explanation.

I just can’t believe that he did that. Is he going insane ? is he trying to get my friend mad and breakup our friendship ? In his email, he said to my friend to make sure let me about this email so that I will get more mad, he expects to accept the consequences which is ‘divorce’.

At this point, I’m debating whether or not I should still go on the vacation with my friend, not sure what to do now. Part of me want to go because I want to give him the message that he can’t stop me from doing what I want to do, but part of me don’t want to go is what has happened and I feel like I want to give up. Any advice, please help!


Most Helpful Guy

  • My advice would be both of you stop acting like little children and sit down and talk about this like adults.

    I'm not an expert, but it seems like your husband is getting jealous of you taking all these trips with your friend. You two have a life together (obviously, since you're married) and that usually means work and what not (more so if you have kids) with a regular routine. So when was the last time the two of you took a vacation together? How often do you two go traveling and just relax? I ask because I can see if you only go on vacation with your friend and leave your husband home he can be getting bitter that you like your friend more than him, don't want to travel with him, he never gets a vacation, etc. That feeling may have grown into what it is now where it's almost like an all out war between you guys. Again, just speculation but that seems like what's happening from your story.

    Sit down and talk it out with your husband. Go to couples counseling and get some professional help. Do you really want your marriage to end over this?

    • We been married for 28 years, and we go vacation together at least once a year. I started to take vacation with my friends only couple years ago, because now that our children are all grown up, and I feel that I need more time for myself to do my own things.

    • Odd that you've been married for 28 years and yet your age is "25-29"...

      I would reiterate that you should seek some counseling for this issue, unless you really want this issue to break up your marriage.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Did you tell your husband why you need to go on a 2-weeks long vacation with your friend, honestly? e.g. I need time to do some soul searching at this phase of my life and she is a good companion for that.

    Some males are brainwashed to play macho down to earth guy, and have no aptitude/interest for things that are non-physical in nature, i.e. an ignorant in spiritual matters (worse, some are actually being proud of that). This applies equally well to some women. If your husband belongs to this class, I can understand your situation. You don't have to say it to his face, "You have a spiritual quotient of a retarded and are of no help at all to me in this area", I am sure you will find a better of telling him that...

    Your husband may be right about one thing, though --- about your getting more moody. But I doubt it is because of this friend of yours. When the phase of your life comes to do some in-depth searching about life, who you really are, get some reflections done, ...etc, fluctuations of moods are quite normal. Also, there is also the possibility of on set of menopause. (referring to your response to wanacot)


What Girls Said 1

  • youre how old and been married how long? obviously he's suspicious of you going with your friend and wants to include himself anyway he can. you're right to be offended by that if youve never given him any reason to not trust you. he's dealing with some insecurities, control issues, mood swings and paranoia. those in themselves don't mean he's insane but he could be dealing with some mental issues like depression or anxiety. hmm...what to do...i would encourage him to seek help and go on the vacation with my friend and let him rage all he wants.