Quarter life crisis... will it ever be over?

My life: 'm 24, been with husband for 11 unhappy years, married 3 ( I was dumb to believe things would get better after marriuage and it was the right thing to do since we have children together). 2 kids 8 & 1, bought a house at 19, main bread winner, bill payer, main stressed one. No friends, no romancer, no love. Stuck working overnights which means I have to sleep during the day and my husband talks shit about my lack of energy to do anything (I get about 4 hours of sleep) husband is a part timer with no ambition, no goals in life, hates being a dad (he tells my kids he's tired of them). We don't talk much, sex is becoming horrible, I want to divorce but he refuses to leave. I don't know who I am, what I like/dislike, if I have standards in men/life/friends. I wake up to the same routines. I get questioned when I want to do something (new activities, church, concerts) I'm questioning my faith, purpose, everything really. I'm going out of my mind. I swear I want to disappear for a few days just to cry and sleep!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Yikes, that doesn't sound like an enjoyable lifestyle. My advice would be to do your best to get out of this marriage. It's clear that neither of you two really enjoy being with each other, so there's no reason to maintain whatever relationship is left between you two. Talk to him about this, and hopefully he'll agree. Then, you can at least have more control over your life, and you'll probably have a better influence on your kids then too.

    • I'm a pretty proud independent person and I would want nothing from him but I do expect him to continue being a father. We have had uncivilized discussions (primarily due to his lack of maturity) about divorce but he makes no effort in going to therapy or refuses to believe we have problems. Nothing worse than oblivion.

    • Yeah, some men are like that. I'm sorry you have to put with that

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What Guys Said 2

  • Children are no reason to marry. By staying in this relationship you're causing more harm than good. I too was in a loveless marriage and was only in it because I got her pregnant. When I finally left I apologized to my son for divorcing his mother and he said, "I don't know why you two didn't divorce years ago." Kid know if their parents are happy or not and want their parents to be happy. You need to get out however you can. It'll be rough at first but after about a year you'll be much happier.

  • I'm incredibly sorry for your situation and it's unhealthy. Try a few warning him and seek family therapy. Therapy will help a lot, but if things are still the same you have no choice but to seek a better life for yourself if he isn't even putting any effort into the relationship but just consider one thing after divorce. 1) Don't take almony off this guy cause you'll completely ruin him by doing that, if he can't be bothered to work, then he's not gonna be able to afford to pay for almony unless he agrees to. 2) Even though he says he's tired of the kids, let him still see them because he is the father, in future he will mature and realise what he's done. i never understood why when couples divorce, how they could stop the other person from seeing their own kids, just because it's a small inconvenience to them. It's selfish and heartless. Parents think they know best for their children but a child will always long for both parents.
    This guys sounds immature indeed and you have the right to live a better life.

    • Thank you. I will never keep him from his kids nor will I ever expect/ request any money from him ad he wouldn't be able to comply. I would do anything to make this as civil as possible.

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