Do you think a person is still quite young at 21 to get married? (Not for me)

My friend is 21 and she is in love with her boyfriend of 3 years, and wants to get married, do you think she should, she is not sure either herself, but is so in love with him that when he proposed to her she was so excited and wouldn't stop calling me. Her parents even think she is young, should she? her fiance is also 21. To me they still act and look like kids!

I do have to add though, there are some people who my mum knows that got married at 20,21,19 and they are happily married in their 50's. But of course their kids who are 21 or older are not married.
thanks so far for your advice. I'm actually meeting my friend tomorrow afternoon for lunch, so I will try and take all your comments and answers into account. If anyone is interested I will let you know how it goes, it may be difficult to change her mind.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Why do you need to get married? to declare that you're lawfully in love? what would be the difference of just being together is that no enough?

    • Exactly, plus she's only 21 and at that age you are still maturing. Young love can sometimes end in badly if they decide to get married. I really hope I can persuade her, what should I tell her?

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I think it's pretty foolish to get married that early. I'm all for long-term, meaningful relationships, I dont' think anything else should exist, but getting married that early just means it will be even more of a hassle if things don't turn out right.

    • Well said. I think the exact same thing, but I didn't want to say anything else to her because I may hurt her feelings. thanks for the answer.

What Girls Said 3

  • I think she should wait a little longer. If they love each other and get along they can stay together without that piece of paper. That piece of paper demonstrates nothing.

    People can love each other and not be married, or they can be married and not love each other.

    I think she shouldn't do that step. If they really love each other being or not being married doesn't really make the difference, does it?

    It's fine to tell him the answer is "yes" but it doesn't mean they have to get married right away.

    "yes" can also mean "I want to be your wife but in a couple of years"

    Plus. If she has doubts and isn't sure about this she shouldn't do it.

    And he has no right to get mad at her because of this. Love isn't defined by marriage and marriage isn't defined by love.

  • It really just depends on the person. You said she is having doubts, so yeah, she is probably still too young. She needs to be sure before marrying him because divorce is a bitch and I'm sure that's not a road she wants to take.

    I am 20, I will be 21 when I get married next year. But I do not think, nor does anyone else who knows me, that I am too young for it. My parents always tease me that I was born a 35 year old. I had a really tough up bringing and had to mature a lot faster than anyone my age, so really I do act like I am 35. But on the other hand I would never marry someone who acted like a typical 20 year old either, they too would have to be older and more mature, either in years or personality.

    • Quite an interesting point here. Yes indeed I think you are young too, but as you said it depends on maturity, so you may be quite a mature girl and so are ready. But in my eyes I feel marriage should come when you pass age 24. That's just my view, under that age I see young poeple who may be students in college, just started a new job and should explore life more and its meaning with a lover or something. I may be just blabbering on, lol!!

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    • Thanks for the advice, yes I agree with you very much. I really should have a word with her soon. As for your wedding, hope you have the best one, good luck to you.x

    • Thank you! Good luck with your friend!!

  • I was married at 21 and like some I was very mature for my age and nobody tried putting me off the idea.

    I love my husband very much but I do feel that we should have waited longer before getting married. He's had his freedom and lived alone (he's in the army) whereas I moved straight out of my parents house. We now have a child who's 8 and I am reluctant to have any more children because I feel (selfishly) that I have spent my whole married life looking after everybody else. I've never had the opportunity to live alone and worry about only me! I sometimes sit and wonder how different my life could be. (not that I would willingly swap my son and husband for anything! I love them both dearly!)

    I am a housewife too so that makes it worse, I've given up a career I love to bring up our child and now at the time that a normal civillian would be thinking of going back to work I'm struggling to find anything because we move around too often and nobody wants to hire you if they know it's not long term!

    I know my situation is slightly different to your friend but it still begs the she really ready for all that responsibility with not a lot of appreciation in return?

    I wish I had had a friend like you to bring this matter up and no matter what advise you give her make sure you make a point of telling her that you love her, that you will respect any decision sh makes and that you'll be there for her no matter what! Then she won't feel antagonised! If she is slightly immature you don't want her marrying someone out of spite!

    • Even though you got married so young, I'm happy for you that you have lovely son and husband. Your situation is no different, because if she marries him she will have to put up with a lot of responsibilities like you at this young age and her 20's will be all about thinking about having children,becoming a housewife I'm sure as at the moment she only has a part ttime job, so not very secure. On the other hand her boyfriend is quite wealthy and he even drives a porsche!!!!