To have a baby, or to not have a baby? That is the question?

So I want to try and have another baby this December. There are pro's and con's to it.
Pro's: my children will be less than three years apart, I will still be in baby mode so it would be easier to have a newborn, and my hubby won't be "too old" for when the kids are both playing.
Con's: my brother is getting married two months later so that means I will not have a celebratory drink (which I don't mind at all) but I'd be puking the whole time, our child may not be mature enough to understand that having a newborn doesn't mean that we love him less, and (the biggest con) I would give birth the month before my wedding; which means I won't be down to my pre pregnancy weight, may not get to have a full out wedding night, and certainly wouldn't be able to have a baby free honeymoon. I'm thinking it would be better to wait till the next December, so we can get married and whatnot, but I don't know if I want my kids to be nearly 4 years apart. Thoughts?

  • start trying in December 2015
    Vote A
  • wait until December 2016 to try
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you are just looking for insight, then I honestly don't see any of those as real negatives. You could try to sneak away and have an early honeymoon, or even go on a second honeymoon. Building a family sounds more important to me than going on honeymoon, or having a drink at a wedding.

    Your child not understanding could be a problem at any age. In fact the older the child is, the easier it would be to neglect them and expect them to take care of themselves. This means an older child might have a bigger problem than a younger child. Most people don't have a lot of memories from when they were really young, so they are unlikely to resent a change if they can't remember what life was like before it. So this con will never go away.

    You could also consider having the wedding in a few months from now, instead of a year from now. I am sure you have your reasons, but being engaged for a year, while still having kids together doesn't make sense to me. I would just go ahead and tie the knot, then work on having a baby in December.

    • We have been together for a while now, we wanted to wait till our 5 year anniversary to get married, just because I like even numbers. I would be okay with getting married early, and absolutely don't mind not being able to drink (I haven't had a drink in over 2 years and dont mind it at all.) but I just worry about if my son will feel left out. I never want him to feel like we don't love him!

    • Hurt feelings will happen no matter what age your child is, when you have a baby. Hurt feelings is just a part of life. You not always being able to make your son the center of your world, is just something he will need to learn to deal with. I think you need to worry a little less about what might hurt his feelings, and worry more about turning him into a strong well adjusted adult that can handle not getting his way.

      People don't build strength by avoiding difficult emotions. They build strength by learning how to handle their emotions properly. If you shield your son from too much emotional pain, you end up with
      with people like that overly sensitive guy and called you an ass, just for preferring to raise your son differently than he was. Your son might have some hurt feelings once in a while, but that is normal for all siblings. Dealing with those emotions is just a part of growing up.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • I am an only child, but all the brothers and sisters I have ever talked to seem closer to their siblings if they are closer in age.

  • I'd wait until after marriage to give birth. That way at least one of your children will be legitimate.

    • Um. My son is very legitimate. Thank you very much.

    • No I mean legally. The government refers to any child born outside of marriage as "illegitimate."

  • So, what's the REAL reason you want one?

    • Because i don't want my son to be an only child, and it's a biological drive to produce offspring that can take your (parents) place. Naturally, it makes sense to have two children...

    • Show All
    • Again, you're making me out to be a loser, just because I don't have siblings. You're an ass

    • And you're a sensitive little fella, aren't ya?
      Quit trying to turn my beliefs into a slam at you. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
      Now, do ne a favor and gtfo my post.

What Girls Said 1

  • Wait, if you have the choice wait. Two young babies is hard even with two parents. Enjoy time with the newborn, and enjoy the time you have with eachother, two children won't give you any. You cannot guarantee that the next baby will be anything like the other one, and you will be overwhelmed with it. Just wait until you have enjoyed the celebrations coming and then reassess.

    • My son is one and a half now. So he's not really a baby anymore. I think three years is a really good age gap (they would be 2yrs and 9 months apart) but I guess 3yrs and 9 months is good too.
      It's going to sound really selfish, but I wanna look amazing for my wedding and have a full night with just my hubby and I, and we could do it right now (my son would be almost 3 by then) and there's no way I could leave a one month old baby with my mom overnight. It is wrong that I want to do that? It makes me feel like an asshole :(

    • You aren't pregnant so you can make whatever decision you want. As I said, take advantage of just having the one child and enjoy what you have coming instead of focusing on another pregnancy.

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