I feel like a jerk, but should I tell my boyfriend how I really feel about the engagement ring he bought me? Please read details?

I'm not normally a materialistic person so I don't even understand why I feel this way... it's probably the first time I've ever felt like this. He gave me the ring on Valentine's day and said "will you be my valentine?" when he presented it.

Then a couple minutes later he told me it was an upgrade to the engagement ring he got me a couple years ago. He proposed a couple years ago and gave me a ring (that couldn't have been more than $50) and told me that he would replace it with a really nice one, but that was just a placeholder.

However, this "upgraded" ring is also very cheap looking. It is an invisible set blue diamond center, but they are very small to make it look like it's one big diamond. He also got it from his relative's jewelry store so they gave him a big discount.

When I got it I told him it was beautiful and I loved it... but to be honest I don't like it at all and I'm embarrassed to wear it. It's too big and we have to take it back to the jeweler to get it re-sized... he said I can pick out something else if I want... but I feel like I'd crush him if I do that.

I'm not going to have a wedding or anything, but I guess I at least wanted a nice ring. I've gotten a lot nicer rings from my family.

Should I just keep my mouth shut? I'm not marrying him for money but because I love him... so I feel like that's what I should do... but another side of me says I shouldn't lie to him.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Tell him you'd like to change it but not for one that's more expensive. Just one more suited to your taste. That way he knows it's not about the money, and your worries about how it looks, should be okay.

    • Yeah... that's a good idea... but the ring cost only like $100 so there isn't going to be much to choose from

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    • 20 bucks off is hardly "a big discount." then, is it?

    • Those were his words not mine. Relatively speaking... it's a big discount

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Wait until after you get married, to tell him u want to change the ring.

    • Yeah... that's a good idea too... hopefully he'll be able to afford it by then. If he can spend a bunch of $ on a motorcycle for himself he should be able to buy me a decent ring.

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    • I'm grateful for the gesture, but it does look very cheap. I'm not asking for a lot, but if he is able to spend the same amount on protein bars he should be able to spend a little more than $100 on an engagement ring

    • I can see your point now... especially since he only spent $100 on the ring.

What Girls Said 3

  • be honest just say its a beautiful ring but its not your thing that's what id do! my ex proposed to me a with a yellow gold ring and i sed yes but change the ring i hate yellow gold i can't wear that it doesn't make you materialistic if you dont like it it just means its not your taste and you have to wear it for the rest of your life so just be honest!

    • Yeah... maybe when we go to get it resized I'll try and swap it for something else... as he said I could. I'm not sure there will be much else I can swap it for at about $100 though. Maybe when he finishes residency he can get me something nicer despite the fact that his medical school loans are through the roof.

  • If you say you want the change, will he get offended?
    I mean you don't like it at all. You can explain it very kindly to him. It is important to have something you like, then you can wear it all the time. Otherwise, what is the point?

    • I really think he will get offended. But he said he'd get me a much nicer wedding ring. I told him generally the engagement ring is nicer than the wedding ring which is usually just a plain band. I'm not sure if he even understands that the engagement ring and wedding band are usually a set.

      The ring fits on my middle finger... so I was thinking about just wearing it on there and telling him he doesn't need to resize it because it's just a place-holder and not the real thing. So, sort of a round about way of telling him he's going to get me something decent. My brother bought my sister in law a $10,000 ring... my $100 or less ring is an embarrassment and sort of makes me feel like my BF doesn't value me as much.

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    • I think he doesn't know what kind of rings you like. You can show some examples, maybe it can give idea?
      He values you, but men can be clueless about jewelry sometimes. I mean he tried to replace first one, and back in the time he was aware you were worth more than that.
      Yeah wait till wedding ring comes, seems more safer.

    • Good idea... I'll make sure I'm there to pick out the wedding ring... it's not like he can't afford it

  • Dont say anything. You can always pick yourself out a nice ring after marriage

    • That's a good idea... but can I still wear it as a wedding ring?