First comes love, then comes marriage...

For most of us, either our parents were not together when growing up, or, when they were, they were married.

Marriage is a formalization of a relationship that has its meaning negotiated among the couple, the local jurisdiction, and potentially the family or religious groups of which the couple is a part... ie, in front of "God, man, and everybody."

My question is twofold:

1) would you consider pursuing a relationship "long term" (1, 3, 5, 7, or more years) with no expectation of marriage, or with it discussed and dismissed? Why/why not?

2) would you consider raising children together "long term" without getting married? Why/why not?

Thank you for your answers... the question is no more or less than as described.

I'm not much a believer in religion, California marriage law, prenups, or indeed divorce... the whole idea of family law doesn't attract me, even while at the same time, the idea of being a father does. I guess I will learn to compromise good & early. ;-)


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What Girls Said 1

  • For me personally, I would NOT consider pursuing a relationship with no expectation of marriage because I WANT marriage, commitment.

    I am raising 7 children with a man I have been engaged to for ten years. We have two children together.

    We plan to get married when my youngest son from my first marriage (widowed in '97 - had 5 children with him) is finished receiving RSDI (survivors benefits). If my fiance had no intention of marrying me, NO, I would not have agreed to a relationship with him, nor raise my children with him. I do not believe in uncommitted "long term booty calls." I knew I wanted to be married again. We talked about all this before getting too serious, so I was very lucky to find someone willing to be honest and open.

    • Thanks for your well-considered reply. Also, your avatar makes me smile. :)

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