What's a good way to tell my mom I'm thinking about getting married?

My mom tends to overreact a lot and I'm really afraid of telling her that I'm possibly thinking about getting married soon.
I'm only 20 and I know that's extremely young to get married, but I'm considering joining the military between January and August of 2016 because I'm having a difficult time paying for college at the moment. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I love him very much and we are very happy together and if I join the military it will make sense for us to get married because of the increased benefits (I'll be able to get seperation pay as well as housing pay and I'll be able to be in the same area as my boyfriend without paying out of pocket to move him around)
I don't know how or when to bring the subject up though because I know that my mother will go crazy.
I told my mom I was thinking about possibly joining the military back in August of last year and it took her 8 months to finally accept it (she pretty much screamed at me telling me that I was ruining my life and that I was gonna end up living in the projects or pregnant and I was never going to graduate college if I joined the military) and when I was in high school I told her I was having sex (after she begged to know) and she had the same reaction (she screamed at me telling me I was the worst child ever and that I was going to get pregnant and end up living in the ghetto and ruin my life for 8 months straight before she decided it was a good idea to put me on birth control -_-... 2 months before I turned 18).
Part of me just wants to go through with the wedding and not include her at all because I know she doesn't know how to digest information very well without completely flipping out, but I know showing up married is pretty immature. I'm just really not sure how to go about telling her when I know she's going to act like I betrayed the entire family. Should I talk to her sooner or wait until like a month before? Should I do it with my boyfriend or without? I just don't know

It's not set in stone that I will get married or even join the military. If I can the get enough scholarships to help me get through these last years of school then I won't join and I won't get married so it'd be useless to tell her in that case.
I want to include my mother in my life and the decisions that I make, but it can just be so difficult because she always freaks out and tells me I'm ruining my life and it's hurtful and stressful and doesn't help.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'd probably test it out first before going to battlefield. Something like "Mom, when do you think is the best time to get married?" or something :)
    Though, I think you should tell her first yourself before bringing your boyfriend just in case she doesn't take it that well.

    • My mom only dated my dad for 3 months and got married to him when she was 19 and he was 17. As a result my mom doesn't believe in getting married young (even though I'm 99,99% sure their marriage sucked because my mom married my dad after barely knowing him for 3 months and NOT because they were young)

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    • yeah she does that with everything -_- she grew up in the ghetto and she's so afraid I'm going to end up back there that she freaks out when I do anything that doesn't lead to getting a bachelor's degree. Although it's funny she also naively thinks that a bachelor's degree will solve all of life's problems (she doesn't even care what it's in) I don't know it's stupid. She thinks that I'm a copy of her and that my life is going to turn out exactly the way hers did or worse. She should know me better than that though I don't make rash decisions, I'm very smart, and I always have a plan B for everything but nope she assumes I'm just gonna fuck everything up

    • Plan B's are good :) I agree that a Bachelor's degree isn't the ultimate answer. It can get you somewhere though, like "for the meantime" "just to pay the bills" "to save money" kind of way. I've always believed in pursuing what you always liked to do so, you do your thing. I'm sure you're clever and can get through any shit life throws at you :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Nothing says romance like getting married for the convenience!

    • We will be getting married anyway, but after we both got our degrees if I don't join the military which would be late 2017-2018. We'd just be moving the date up if I do join because the military will pay to move your spouse with you no matter where you get stationed, but they won't help you out if the person is just your boyfriend.
      And isn't the whole entire point of marriage "for the convenience"? If marriage didn't have benefits I wouldn't be interested in it at all. I'd just live with my boyfriend for the rest of my life

    • So you're like a WGTOW then?

What Girls Said 1

  • Tell her that you and your boyfriend are considering getting married and ask her what she thinks. Don't push the topic if ahe flips out. Slow and steady.

    • I already know she's going to flip out because that's what my mom does. She's not even going to let me finish saying "if I decide to join the military next year because of the benefits primarily BAH.. etc" before she just goes berserk.
      In my mom's eyes marriage=baby baby=living in poverty for your entire life

    • Yowza. It might be best to leave her out of this then. Better to ask forgiveness than permission.