Have you ever had to choose between your family and the one you love & want to marry? What did you choose?

A little background: I'm 31 (my profile says something diff & I can't fix it). I fell in love a few years ago & hid it from my family b/c they are strict Muslims and I'm not allowed to date. We met in med school but didn't start seeing each other on a romantic level till i withdrew. He is now in residency.

I don't believe in Islam but pretend b/c my dad said he would disown me if I don't. I live at home w/my parents b/c that's what is expected from women who are not married. I tried to leave a couple of times & there was a big fight & I got scared.

I introduced my fiance to my mom and dad a couple months ago. They want me to reconsider because his mom is Jewish & they think I won't be a part of the community anymore...& that it will create problems if I have kids. My mom told me I wasn't in the right frame of mind b/c I was withdrawing from med school and was vulnerable. My parents said I betrayed them because I formed a strong emotional bond w/someone b4 I introduced my family to him...

my dad said If I go through with this he will never have a normal relationship with me. They said a lot of other stuff but I hope you get the point. There is a lot of tension at home. Yesterday I wasn't home at 10pm so I got a phone call from my mom and she clearly didn't believe where I was based on all the questions she asked. i want to leave but don't know how b/c I'm scared of my dad... he has a very bad temper.

I guess it would make sense to side with family if you have a close bond. I don't have a strong bond with my family probably b/c we are so different in our beliefs. They are strict Muslim and I'm Agnostic Athiest


Most Helpful Guy

  • I would say if this guy really is right for you and he does love you back and isn't the type to leave you later then I say pick him. A relationship with your life partner is a big deal, that type of love can only be given by him and not your family. If they won't let you spend your life with someone you will be really happy with then they aren't really putting you first but instead Islam first. I say leave because they don't care about your happiness anyway but if you do fuck up later in life e. g. divorce then your family will not be there for you. If you are independant, have source of income then that should all be okay

    • He loves me so much and would do anything for me and I love him back. He proposed to me after we had been going out only a month... he knew right away I was the one. We knew each other a year later in school though... I've known him for 4 years. He said he will do whatever it takes to have my parents accept him... and he told my parents he doesn't plan on taking me away from them and he will help raise our children Muslim (he and I are closet atheists). He cares about me very much... as shown me nothing but respect... listens to my thoughts and has never once raised his voice to me. He has been nothing but kind, polite, and patient. He has limited free time cause he is a doctor but he wants to spend it all with me. I really couldn't have asked for a better guy and didn't know ones like him existed. Our relationship is nothing like my parents... they fought all the time in front of us... my dad would put my mom down and call her names like bitch and whore and worthless.

    • Show All
    • Well.. I'm only 19. You should be able to get away with this easily, you're a female, females generally aren't the ones that are usually there to support the family later. In the future tho, If I want to marry say a white woman or another race and they won't let me, I would leave.. You just need to be independent and financially stable, also prepared for the future if it doesn't work out. Just relax, no need to stress, that could cause high blood pressure long term and other problems, just think about it carefully

    • Yeah... I didn't think of that... the oldest male usually takes care of the family... it's almost like a cult... there doesn't seem to be a way out other than death.

Most Helpful Girl

  • One of my family member did.
    She chose her love. (I don't know if it matters but her relationship with family was not too close. So that may have made her choice easier.)

    Now they are fine though. Took a few years for the family to become normal.

    If it were me, I would choose my family because I need their blessings.

    But can't say for sure as I am not in that situation.

    I may contradict myself.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Family
    Girls have come and gone, and always put their interests first, which is fair enough ( I do the same )
    My family has ALWAYS been there for me, has put me first at times, and has never failed me

  • I have had to make that choice before.
    I picked the girl I was with at the time.

    • Did your parents disown you? Was it a difficult choice to make

    • Show All
    • Not really.."normal" my dad only talks to me when he has to and my mum basically disappeared from my life


    • Im so sorry. I am in a u might say simillar situation. Therefore my question. So if I were to risk going against mu family, any bridges that were burnt might never get repaired... 😞
      I really love this guy that I am with though. 😔

What Girls Said 2

  • Get married BEFORE you leave so you won't lose your boyfriend and your family in the same year and also be at risk of getting hurt by your dad for upsetting him.

    • I'm not afraid of loosing my fiance. I know he won't leave me... he's wanted to marry me since the first month we started going out & that was over 3 years ago... I don't really care about loosing my family but I don't know why it's so hard for me to leave... I have my own car, phone, job, my fiance has a place to live & money in the bank for back up I've been saving. I guess I feel trapped

    • It's your decision. I can't tell you what to do but I am telling you what I would do if i was in your situation.

  • I chose family.

Loading... ;