He's unsure? What to do?

Bit of a unique situation here, I am an international graduate student, my boyfriend is a professional in my field. As a result of visa issues, and wanting to stay with him, basically I need to know with in a few months if we are on the track to marriage. If we aren't, I need to look for any job (likely in a small town (because they often will sponsor visa's) as opposed to the city we will move too), but if we are even if it takes a while for him to propose I can ride out a temporary visa after graduation. My boyfriend and I have lived together for a few months, and its easy. I love his friends, have meet his family more than once, and earlier this week he took a day off work to drive me to a job interview in this new city (where we want to live). He comes to doctors appointments with me, offers to help me with money since I am still in school, and will always help me in anyway he can. He's overthinking, when he tells me he isn't sure he wants to marry me. My graduate program is small, and its hard because I want to tell him to take all the time he needs (within the visa limit) but we'll he's doing that, he can't have me all to himself. I don't intend to date anyone else... I just want to remind him of the girl he feel in love with. Any idea how to do that when I don't have a ton of friends around?

He's on a trip right now... and I thought about texting him and saying..."Its okay that you aren't sure. I want you to take all the time you need. I love you so much, and I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but well you are deciding I need to work on me, meaning that even though we live together I need to remember we are just dating. So that's what we should do, date. I need to remind you of the driven, busy, girl you feel in love with, not the overly committed one you could marry"
Thoughts on that?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, pushing him away isn't going to help. The text seems like a good idea. Its a lot to go through though, you are pushing for a life long commitment and that will take time. Plan on it not going that way and hope that it does is the only advice I'd give, that and don't take a break from each other that will just drive a wedge between you two.

    • Thanks so much! Its still not going anywhere, I have asked him to remember what life was like without me, and he doesn't want too. He knows I can't just go away and anyways I wanted to say he's being more committed even though he hasn't committed per say, but I just wanted to say thanks for your answer and sorry it took me so long to get back to you.

    • Not a problem, how things work out.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think you have a really tough and sensitive situation. I would like to give you a real answer because anyone who reads that knows you care about him.

    My problem would be I'm very proud (not healthy) so in order to not push him I will apply to jobs where I know the company will sponsor my visa if that is what I need.

    I will think of this scenario and if something pops up I'll add it.

    • Thanks it is hard... I am thinking that I am going to try to remember that even though I live together with him, I am just his girlfriend. I shouldn't be the one cooking nightly (which I do basically), I pack his lunch before work, I do too much. He was amazing when he got me because he didn't have me. I have basically made it clear he does...>I think he needs to see that as bad as I don't want to lose him he could lose me too! Thank you for your answer and if something does pop up please let me know!

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