Im 22 and just graduated college. And within the past couple years all of my friends are getting married, having kids etc. It really scares me. I know its because my parents got divorced when I was young and I already lived through a divorce. And that so many people today just do not last. They break their promises left and right. I was so scared, I even had to tell my current boyfriend that I dont want to get married. He understands. We never talk about it. He left once and so it also scares me that if he were to leave again that I would push him out of my life forever. Because it helps me move on... and I dont want that. I want to be with this guy. Any suggestions to overcome my fear here? Sometimes I think that when he does leave that I will just stop dating for good because I can't deal with the fear. I honestly think I would hurt myself over it if I ever got divorced. Its just too painful to live with.
Most Helpful Guy
22 is not "older". 32 might be.
Your peers who are rushing off to get married and have kids at 20, 21? Mistake. See how many of those marriages are still together in ten years' time.
You have only just entered adulthood, there is no need to panic or worry. Take life as it comes, and don't make your miserable out of fear of being unhappy.0
Most Helpful Girl
So first off, if your fear of marriage is affecting your life that much you need to see a therapist about it.
Secondly, you absolutely don't have to get married if you don't want to, but the divorce statistics aren't that bad when you break them down. You're still very young and the average age of marriage in the US is something like 27 or 28. The older you are and the more educated you are for your first marriage, the less likely it is to end in divorce. Don't rush into anything just because its what all your friends are doing.
Thirdly, not getting married will not protect you from heartbreak. Your heart will be broken at some point in your life. Either through a breakup or the death of a loved one. Life is hard, and you can't protect yourself from loss by insulating yourself from all the good stuff. A divorce would not be the end of your life. Divorce is just a breakup with paperwork. Anything else dealing with divorce has to do entirely with the people involved and it would be messy even if they weren't married when they breakup.
Seriously, you need to really think about what it is about divorce that scares you so much. Because it sounds to me, that you are more scared of committing to someone at the risk they might leave you than you are of the realities of divorce. You really should work through your fears with a therapist.0