Husband asked for a divorce but hasn't said anything since?

About 2 months ago my husband was texting my sister inappropriately and she told me. I have asked them both for years to stop talking and sneaking off bc I didn't feel comfortable with it. She continues to talk to him after my pleading snd so does he. He got pissed bc I confronted him and said he wants a divorve. He doesn't love me doesn't care etc. But says him and my sister are nothing more than friends. He is still living in our home and hasn't said anything about the divorce since. Same time all this happened I lost my vision in one eye, soon I lost my job bc of it and now I have lost my so called sister and husband. We have 3 kids but he ignores them. All he does is sleep, go to work and hunt. One day he's nice to me and flirting then he ignores me especially if he has spoken to my sister that day. If I go anywhere or talk to anyone he drills me. But he leaves all hours of the night to go see my sister at her work or go shopping. We sleep separate and I'm looking for a job now, have apps all over and just take care of my kids until I get a job. I love him with all my heart have been together since I was 15 married for 4 years. I don't know what to do, what he wants. He won't talk to me about "us" just everyday stuff. I don't want to be 2nd choice but I don't know if I can let go. I don't know what to do or what he wants. I'm going crazy, can't sleep, eat even think. Been keeping a journal, working out and shooting my bow to relieve stress.


Most Helpful Guy

  • i don't advocate divorce, but what you described here is a very one sided relationship. you love him but it doesn't seem that he loves you or at least does nothing to show you love. Even worse he is negligent of his fatherly and spousal duties, which to me is the biggest taboo in a marriage.

    I think you should really consider if this guy is even worth keeping around. how he makes you happy. how he even parents his children.

    • Thank you. Right now I have been both mom and dad for my kids. My dad comes by and spends time with Mt oldest son so he can have some guy time too. He's 7. When we were a couple we're great but I think part of me is hoping that comes back. Holding on bc I know what we can be not what we are. He chose my sister over his family, all of his time goes to her and it's just hard for me to take. False hope.

    • it's definitely not an enviable position to be in. I'm a new father and the idea of my daughter growing up in a family of divorce isn't at all appealing. however, when circumstances prevail, like the situation you are in I think you at least have to consider is the marriage worth saving or struggling through if one or both parents isn't fulfilling their duties... best of luck in this situation. hope things work out for the best (be that with or without your husband)

Most Helpful Girl

  • Awe, first off I just want to say how sorry I am that this is happening to you! You sound super sweet and you obviously have a lot of love for your family.

    I can't believe your husband is treating you like this. You deserve so much better!

    It's even worse that your own sister may be possibly involved in this as well. Shame on her! She should know better than to do that to her own sister!

    My only advice is for you to stay strong. Sleeping in separate rooms I think is a good thing because at least you have your own space. Try to focus as much as you can on your kids, because they will be your sanity at this point. Lean on friends and family for support. I hope you have plenty of people who are able to help you through this difficult time.

    I would distance yourself from your husband. If you don't want a divorce, give him some space. Then maybe tell him you would like to talk and work things out. If he is unwilling to work on this with you, then you need to face that truth and let him go.

    As for your sister, I would cut her out of your life. She doesn't deserve to be in your life, even though she is your sister. I'm sure your family will understand. She is tearing up your marriage and she seems to even take some sick pleasure in it.

    I would even go so far as to try and move away from your husband if it gets even worse. Why should you have to live in a household with someone who is hurting you so much?

    I hope that this situation gets better for you!

    • Thank you and yes I have been talking to my mom, working out a lot and spending lots of time with the munchkins since I'm home a lot now. Have my 3 yr girl ready for kindergarten and my son is in advanced reading and math. I used to be a teacher so it helps. I have eliminated mu sister from my life and told her to stay away from me and my kids. I don't think he will ever stop being obsessed with her so my head is telling me it will never work but his actions when he's around me are giving me false hope. I have been keeping my distance from him bUT he follows me. So when my oldest is in school and little ones take a nap I shoot my bow or have been learning how to do my makeup and hair. I never do anything for me so now I've been dressing up bc I like to and have a hair appt on Monday to chop my hair how I've always wanted it but he always said no.

    • I think it's great that you are taking back your life! You deserve to be happy! :) Unfortunately it may not mean your husband will come back or stop being with your sister. But you have your sweet little babies to take care of. They can be your shining light in all of this. They love you and you love them and despite not having a job right now, it's kind of a blessing because you now can spend time with them that you wouldn't have before. Perhaps this is all part of a bigger plan for you? I lost my job a couple months ago. At first I was devastated, but I see it now as a blessing. I hated that job and I wanted a better life for myself. My job then wasn't letting me do that, I worked long hours, had a long commute. I was always stressed out too. But since I have been off I have reconnected with friends, had less stress and been much happier. I just recently got a new job which I start soon that will help me attain my goals. Maybe this is just a journey to a better life for you?

    • That's what my mom always says. :-) thank you and I'm very happy for you and glad things are better less stressful.

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What Guys Said 2

  • wow is she your real sister? hard to believe that such toxic people are their in your life. Both your sister and husband are to be blamed here... seems like you two are growing apart. Try couple therapy for once... but you know you cannot force someone to remain in a relationship with you... and be blunt with your sister to back off, I mean it is horrible that your own flesh and blood can do something like this to you

    • I have asked about therapy he says no its too expensive. And yes she is my blood sister. I have been blunt, cried and begged her to stop talking to him she says she does but continues to talk to him. He sent her a text saying he wanted to bend her over and her response was "u know u want me" she won't stop and neither will he. I have begged both to stop. He's sees nothing wrong with it and says their just friends. When he goes to see her and I find out he thinks it's funny when I get upset. But then the next day flirts with me and tries to tickle me etc. He treats my heart like it's on a yoyo. She's doesn't care, she loves the attention.

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    • I have shown him and he doesn't care. She has come to my house freaking out bc she had another STD. She has tried to commit suicide multiple times for attention, and she has dumped her own kids at one of their dads' houses and left. He knows what kind of person she is, I have taken her in 4 times now, gave her my car bc she didn't have one and bought a new one for myself, given her $ and he knows all this. She has nothing bc she has screwed to many people over. Nothing but drama and lies and just trashy. I have tried talking to him. I told him I don't want a divorce and I want my family to be together, happy. He said he didn't care and knew that I would say that and it doesn't matter. That he will stay until it effects the kids but he doesn't spend any time with them to see their differences in behaviors already. It's all one sided.

    • sadly as I said before you can't force someone to stay with you, just severe all contact with your sister and don't help her with anything, get a restraining order against her if that's possible... probably giving it some time would be the best course, you're husband has already cheated on you which is obvious... if the therapy thing doesn't work probably you are better off without him, I mean no one is worth that much, he's clearly an asshole

  • your sister is not helping at all, surely her texting is just making this worse.. plus reading your post it sounds like you are sure its more than just texts

    • My sister has been around the block more than a few times and it's like she finds pleasure in breaking up marriages. She has broken up 3 that I know of by sleeping with the husband. She never turns a dick down. I have found pictures of her that I threw out locked in his filing cabinet, it's like he's obsessed with her. He lies to me about seeing her and spends 3-5 hrs at the gas statiom she works at. She works midnight alone, empty highway and I have had everyone tell me including her that she has sex with a few people in the parking lot. I do everything for him, changed everything over the years but it's like I'm not good enough. I have always worked full time and take care of our kids and home front he doesn't do anything never expected him to. I have only asked him to love me and show me attention but I've always been invisible to him.

    • i really do not know what you say bar be strong and remember its you and your kids that really matter in all of this...

What Girls Said 1