He dumped me because he was married?!

So I was dating a guy since August 2009, he broke it off with me a couple of days ago because he said "I need to focus on what I have at home, I have a wife". The entire time there was absolutely NO indication he was married. He was practically living with me. We spent 85% of our free time together when we were not at work.

Needless to say I am torn apart. I see our break-up as a couple breaking up after having fallen in love, and being together for 5 months. I don't see me as having been involved with a married man, because I was not told by him that he was married, or had ANY indication that he was because we practically lived together.

He did prove his marriage by pulling up his wife's Facebook account. So at least he wasn't using him being married as an excuse.

I know he loved me and I love him. I just feel terrible that I was unknowingly a home wrecker. And emotionally I am absolutely torn apart. I'm dieing inside from losing the man I love, while I was in love with him. I haven't even dealt with the husband thing. I don't know where to go from here. Is there any advice anyone can spare for me? I feel like hurting him to bad and going to his wife in return and telling her everything, just to pain him like this has me, but I know I'm better then that. I just don't know what to do.


Most Helpful Girl

  • OMG. My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your pain. I think he and his wife might have been separated, and that is why he was able to spend so much time with you. It sounds like he decided to reconcile with her and thus break the relationship off. You are not culpable in this situation at ALL, he IS. He should have been honest with you from the beginning before he even entered a relationship with you. I am sure if you knew he was married, had not filed divorce papers and was merely "separated" that you would have hesitated.

    I think you need to begin by removing all his personal belongings, gifts, letters, cards from the relationship and box them away or trash them. Next, cease all contact with him- delete his number, email address, screen name, unfriend him etc. Finally, you can only take things one day at a time. Lean on your friends, family and loved ones. Try to stay busy, force yourself to go out so you;re out of the house- even if it's for a walk. Explore new hobbies or start enjoying them again.

    I would not contact him or his wife. It is not your place to do that because you don't know the full story between he and his wife. Besides, who's to say that she'll even believe you? He will get what is coming to him in one way or another. Someone needs to be the better person and let it be- that person is you. He is a douche bag and you don't need to stoop to his level.

    I wish you all the best. Please update me so I know how you are. My best wishes.

    • I really don't know what the deal was with his wife. Maybe she worked out of town and is back. I have no clue and when I threw him out it was immediate. I didn't bother asking any type of questions. Just threw him out. And fell to the floor and cried until I fell asleep. :(

    • Show All
    • You're grieving the loss of a relationship & someone you loved. You have many mixed emotions now. Just try to do your best to move on and begin healing.

    • I am certainly working on it. Thank you for your advise.

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What Girls Said 2

  • i would talk to his wife. that's horrible.

  • Tell his wife! Fuck being "better than that" she deserves to know. The man lied to you and played with you, he has it coming and his wife really should know what was going on. Give all the proof and evidence so it can't be denied. If he is gonna do that to you his marriage shouldn't be easy for him. Sorry this happened to you

    • I would love more then anything to let her know everything. As much as I know about him and have to share, I'm sure she'd believe me. But I fear retaliation from him. He had a key to my place and never returned it. I just don't know what to do.

    • Ok, this is a little embarrassing to admit, but I would tell the wife too! Being heartbroken is one of the most painful experiences you will ever go through, and this guy needs to learn that he can't just go around being selfish. Why should you suppress what you're going through just for the sake of "being the better person"?

    • Get your locks changed