I'm really REALLY happy with him, but sometimes I feel like he might not be the one, and I don't want that!

I really like my boyfriend, like love with intention of marriage like. Not the dreamishy one, like actually. I've liked him since, believe it or not, fifth grade. And we got together in tenth grade:) It's close to a year now and I'm really happy EXCEPT, that even though we've spent SO much time together sometimes, especially when I'm feeling down or something, I feel like he doesn't really KNOW me. As well as someone that close to me, someone I trust to lean on so much should. Like he's basically both one of my best guy friend and boyfriend in one. Now that he's both, I expect him to know like what to do when I'm not up to it or something. is that not right? I mean I know no ones perfect or any thing but this is a big thing isn't it? I mean it's like if I'm crying somewhere in a corner, he'll just be having fun in the next room with the others and another one of my friends will come help me even though he'll KNOW I'm crying...I want and need someone who'll come and hug me, listen to me and let me cry through it. Then give advice when I ask for it. He won't come ever. so I feel like he just doesn't care, and that really upsets me. but I mean what if that's just his way...of texting later saying, "I hope you feel better". Right now I'm all mad at him and he doesn't know why and I'm mad at myself for being mad at him but I can't help it. then he says he'll help me through whatever problem I EVER have e.t.c and I'm sitting there thinking that he isn't really helping now. And when he DOES try to help, he gives me advice telling me that I just need to try harder and that I can't let little things bother me and stuff. but that's not what I need to hear at those times. Isn't it kind of a big part of compatibility? It kinda reminds me of that song, "hazy":) So I just want to ask, am I making a big deal out of nothing? And umm, WHAT SHOULD I DO? I need help:( I'm so confused and he's probably confused to. Ugh...But I can't help being upset at him.


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What Guys Said 1

  • If he knows your crying and doesn't come to you then he's either very immature or doesn't really care for you quite enough.

    This is the sense your feeling and this has everything to do with "the one" feeling.

    True deep understanding of another human, any human, comes from love and time.

    The best way to judge your future together is to talk over with him how you feel. Tell him what you asked us (particularly mention about you crying alone) and see how he reacts. If he cares really deeply for you he should try to avoid it happening again. Maybe you two come up with a code for "I really need you now". So he knows when it matters to be with you and has the chance to choose you or his friends. Then, if he keeps choosing his friends, you might want to find someone who chooses you.

    • So if I d talk to him, I won't be making it into a really big deal for nothing will I?

    • No, not at all, as long you try to explain how it makes you feel with him in as much as a dispasionate way as possible. Though, sometimes guys can be really stupid when it comes to feelings and might not get you. If you try once and he doesn't get it, don't feel too hurt as long as he tries to get it and you can sense he's trying. Don't try and sort everything right away. Just explain it, keep going whilst you feel your progressing the explaination together.

    • If you feel he's not trying, explain this to him like you would a small childl, then say your going to leave it for now and both do something fun / nice together. Pick it up another time. If he cares enough and as he matures enough he will begin to understand (it needs tim). This is obviously for a young guy who needs to learn a few things in life, if it was a older guy with more experience I would expect more (I wasn't really emotionally mature till my 30's but I was slow and had no help)

What Girls Said 1

  • Well, I loved my ex (still do) so much I seriously thought he was going to marry me too. He even talked about it. I was really wrong to think that. Unless its really meant to be you guys probably won't end up married. But the whole crying in the corner thing was jst bs. He should've been in that room seeing wht was wrng and letting you cry on his shoulder. He should have been there comforting you. My ex did and I loved him so much for it. He could tell when I was even the slightest bit upset. Sometimes I think we should still be together. But like Doggy said he's either really immature or doesn't care enough. And if that's the case then he's not ready for a relationship let alone marriage. Tell him how you feel. If he truly cares he'll change.

    • Awww, why did you guys break up then? that's great:) May be that's just his way of helping me...leaving me alone. But that's not what I need. So thanks:)

    • Show All
    • Its SO weird having all the ingredients of a successful relationship, but, as a couple always ending in the same unhappy places (I mean over 3+years) and those places ending in fights & misgivings. Sometimes I wondered if I should have just accepted unhappyness and have stayed. I never felt I caused things, I always tried not to. I feel the problem (as near as I can define it for my situation) was that we didn't share the same concepts of meanings assigned to events / people (so we cldn't share)

    • Hope those comments added something and didn't just sound like a personal winge O_o lol.