Is it wrong to ask that guests give monetary gifts ($10+) rather than other items?

Like most people dont even give gifts, but for those do, I rather get money. Like at least it can help pay for the wedding. I rather have $10+ per person then 10 $10 blenders and a set of bath towels...


Most Helpful Girl

  • Thats how we do it here in indonesia.

    • Lol maybe i should move there haha

    • Maybe you should. Some even writes a check for the bride/groom.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Hmm... be friend with more East Asian people. Most of the people with connection to Chinese type weddings will gift money. You will also get other gifts (AND money!) too if they like you enough. It's something of an old custom to put money into red envelops when you gift newly wed couples. You can miss every other gifts but you can not miss the red envelop!

    The amount is depended on the age and status of the person you invited compare to you. If you invite your boss then the amount will be around $100~$200 (assuming average people). If you invite your friend then it's probably just $20~$100.

    For example, if you work for a division in a company in which I am a manager of some sort then I will carry an envelop of about $100 when I come to your wedding. If my parents know about you then I will carry $200. If no one else in the company is coming then I will have to carry up to $500 because I would represent the company. If I am the rich boss of the company then I might go up to $1000.

    $100 is pretty standard for 1~2 people coming to a wedding with less than a friend but more than an acquaintance status.

    • Wow these gifts sound freakin awesome!!

  • It no doubt depends on the culture, but in traditional anglosphere culture, you cannot do that.

    The more traditional people don't like to give money, period, unless it's perhaps parent to child. It's required that people -act- as though the cost of the gift is irrelevant (and also that nobody needs to be given money). Everything is just something -thoughtful-. You're supposed to act like you don't need the gifts, and they're supposed to act like the 'gift' was them choosing something nice for you.

    In spite of this, it IS acceptable if somebody asks you what you'd like, to tell them. To coordinate this around weddings, they set up wedding registries where you put together a list of stuff you want and the store makes sure you don't get duplicates. But of course you can't tell people about your registry - that would be too much. So instead, they politely ask your family if you're registered, if they want to use the registry, and your family at that point can say 'oh you don't need to of course, but if you LIKE they are in fact registered at XYZ'.

    That's how it traditionally worked, and say 40 years ago any deviation from that would have been shocking.

    At least in north america, that's now collided with many other cultures where cash is NORMAL as a gift. My parents have slowly been worn down to this, they originally would only give gift certificates, and now cash to say my sister and I and our kids. They also give cash at weddings in cultures where they understand cash is the norm.

    But your culture, I don't know. Most people don't even give gifts? In my demographic, if you're not dropping 100-200/plate as a guest - either on registry type gifts or cash - you're a cheap ass guest. The general rule of thumb is the guest should be spending about what was spent on them.

    I think that you probably shouldn't tell guests you want cash, but you can absolutely have your family tell anyone who asks you'd appreciate it, or subtly spread the word. I'm less trying to tell you what to do and more explaining what traditions you're trying to juggle.

    • I live in the southern part of the United States and these guests at these past weddings that I've been too must have be cheap. Married couples spend about $40 a plate on them, but in return the guests give gifts under $20. And if not that, they say "I can't afford it right now. Catch me next month." Years go by and those gifts still haven't been given

    • Yeah. That sucks.

      On the timing, it was traditionally acceptable to give post wedding, even by months. Within first year though.

      Congratulations on your wedding by the way. Hope it's a great day and you two are very happy together!

What Girls Said 2

  • I mean not really, in my family people just give money because its easier.. haha. I think thats usually a norm now anyway, but who knows!

  • No its not wrong, and in the past few years almost everyone does it. Feel free to ask money instead of stuff.