Curious About Marriage--is it worth it? What are realistic ideals of marriage?

To me it seems the old ideas of marriage are long gone. That you fell in love with someone so much you want to spend the rest of your life with them--no matter what happened you stay together and build a life. Now, I'm not talking about cheating. To me, you shouldn't be getting married if you're not in the mindset that your sexual days are now all with one person (this goes for either person) and that its not about sex anymore but having a loving connection. That you marry a person you are completely honest with (if you look fat in the jeans, you look fat in the jeans) and you both trust each other completely. For instance, if one person wanted to go to the gym at 11 o' clock at night, the other would be so secure in the relationship that they know the other person is not lying, is actually going to the gym (and they are), and the mutual trust allows for a stable relationship.

I honestly don't know why people get married these days. With all the access to people with online dating and purely hook up websites, it seems that so many people (ranging from 20-40 because I've talked to quite a lot of people in that range, which pretty much covers the dating pool) don't want a connection, want a fling, and everyone looks out for themselves. I used to want to get married sometime in my 20's (should it be later in life?) and know that I was with someone I was going to have a lot of memories with, go through hard/fun/crazy times with, and eventually we would have built up our life and travel, see the world, meet people, and stay faithful to each other.

If you are married, why did you get married? What is the general experience of marriage? Some reasons why marriages don't work out?

  • Unrealistic ideal
    Vote A
  • Should be the general ideal
    Vote B
  • No point in marriage
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Most Helpful Guy

  • I dont think its worth it. Marriage doesn't garantee anything. It doesn't garantee happiness, loyalty, longevity, or even frequent sex. It only garantees some tax benifits and provides the lower earner with options to clean out the higher earner.

    Also there's not really anything thats intimate or exclusive between husband and wife anymore. Most people send nudes to strangers, sleep with people they barely know and experiment all of their fantasies with their casual flings.

    I honestly dont think its a complement to be the guy a woman wants to marry. you're not the guy she's the most attracted to or excited to be with nor are you the guy she wants to experiment her sexuality with or have her most fun and exciting memories with. Chances are she did all that stuff with casual flings. The husband is merely the safe option after theyve had all her fun, the guy they marry out of convience convenient now that theyre ready for responsibilities and sacrifices (buying a house and raising kids).

    The only way marriage is worth it is if you have a good marriage, one where you both feel lucky to be with each other and are both loyal, genuinley happy and emotionally/sexually fulfilled by eachither.

    However thats rarely the case in my opinion. Many marriages end in divirce where the higher earner (usually the guy) loses the most. Even if a marriage doesn't end in divorce that doesn't mean its succesful. They are often miserable sexless marriages where they merely tolerate eachother and or cheat behind their spouses back.

    • out of convenience*

    • That's the basic idea everyone (even me) has about marriage these days... its sad I guess, if you hold on to the old fashioned ideas of marriage. I don't feel humans are naturally meant to be monogamous, I can see dedicating years and years to a person without making it legal and if something changes (because people change and I feel that's a huge factor in divorce) then you can break up without having to get drug through a divorce. In my case I'm daring a guy going through a divorce and he says he wants to get married but he goes back and forth between wanting to re marry or not because of how bad his first was... he says if he had met me first it would be a no brainer, but that just ruins it for me. I hate the idea of being the "second" wife. Overall, I agree that if people are in the place and honest, and its a first marriage for both people, there is a chance

Most Helpful Girl

  • Both of my friends have recently gotten married at age 21.

    Honestly in different cultures the idea of marriage is weighed heavily upon.
    For example in middle eastern/ south Asian cultures marriages are made to seem obligatory; if you haven't gotten married your life is not "complete yet."
    Usually the reason people get married is for security reasons, compatibility, families arranging, business deals, green cards, etc.
    Funny to mention that in the West its almost looked down upon now to get married at such a young age. Have "fun," fuck as many people as you want, and when you are old and boring settle down.
    When in culture in the East is, get married and start working hard and building up your life at am earlier age.
    Marriages that are based on love are tend fantasized about and many people dream about (like me lol) but it takes a lot of dedication and time to even think about committing to someone whole heartily and completely.
    Most people today do not want to be committed.
    Marriage culture will bend many generations from now like how it has been generations before. It's something that can't always be seen as stable.
    One thing I know though.
    Men do like their sandwiches.

    • Hahaha yes they do! But what happens when they are the cook in the relationship...
      I also hold on to the old romantic idea of marriage... that's what it is supposed to be, isn't it? It used to be a celebration, and something really special. Now, a lot of people advise against it and I feel that's one factor of failed marriages/different ideals these days, as well as what you said about going out and having sex with whoever. There is so much negativity surrounding it, and the only true advocates are religious people, as you said, or elderly, who get no respect... I'm sure there are others, but that seems to be the majority.
      Its sad that people can't just go into a relationship and build trust easily. But people cannot be straightforward and honest. I hope your friends marriage lasts a lifetime and is amazing!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • It's a raw deal for men so not worth it at all.

    No man gets married thinking he will divorce or that his sweet heart is going to deliberately ruin his life to the point his him wanting to die but it happens every single day. 50% chance of divorce and even if you stay together it doesn't mean your happy. I read somewhere that only 15% of couples are happy very long term. Wish I could find the link again.

  • 'Usually', it is worth it for women but not so for men, because it is almost always men who get screwed over in case of a divorce.

    • And that's so sad that the first thing people think of is divorce... that's probably a huge stresser for guys about marriage (which relates to trust and how no one can be honest). I'm sure women have been screwed too, though

    • Well.. obviously men have to think about it, because they tend to lose the most in case of a divorce. Besides, considering the fact that a majority of the divorces are initiated by women, men just can';t be too careful these days. What's more, even asking for a pre-nup makes a man look like a bad guy.

  • I don't believe in marriage, it's a stupid, illogical custom and yes I have decided I am never going to get married. It's just not worth it!!.

  • Guys get ripped apart in a divorce

    The risk isn't worth the benefits of getting married, if there are any

  • I see no reason to get married. You can just live together without being married, it's stupid to get married


What Girls Said 3

  • i will fall in love and get married. i don't care how unrealistic and uncommon and old fashioned it seems to people.

  • -if she started family outside marriage. He will leave her easier than when they are married.

    -It's cooler when your status is married than single + hold his name + have ur big day.. It's only a paper Just do it.

    -It's better being called divorced man than single dad

  • My goal in life is to marry my soulmate and have kids together regardless of how people think of marriage

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