Being forced to be married?

Hi everyone!

I am a first generation Indian-American who was born in India, but raised in the US. My parents are very conservative (no sex or relationships before marriage). They believe that I'm still a virgin, while I have dated many girls in college and my 20s. I am 24 now. I would face a large amount of lectures if they found out about my current girlfriend or my exes. I have dated White, Asian, and Latina girls. Now, they want me to marry some Indian girl I don't know. I contacted her, but she and I are simply incompatible when it comes to humor, culture, and way of life, I am also not attracted to her. I know that we will not work out but they believe that marriage will solve everything. My parents have been married for 20 years now, and it was arranged.

My current girlfriend, on the other hand, is similar to me. We share political beliefs, social circles, hobbies, and have similar senses of humor and culture. I do not want to give up my girlfriend (or even a dating life if we break up in the future) just for some girl I don't even know. I am also not ready to marry yet due to harsh divorce laws and financial issues and even freedom to buy certain products that I will have to save up for if I marry or have kids.

But, I fear angering my parents. I already dated/had sex before marriage (without them knowing) and went to a mediocre college due to low grades in high school (they wanted me to go to a higher college like UC Davis or UCLA)

How can i get out of this situation without angering anyone? Referring to my family and my girlfriend and the planned fiancé.

Thanks GAG!

TLDR : Have a girlfriend but am being forced to get married to an unknown Indian girl and I don't want to.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly that is hard knowing how the culture is, but you're an adult you can make you're own decision's would you want to say 50 years later how you should have made a different choice and risked it... I would have but it's easier said than done. i don't care what my family want's for me that i don't want for myself, because i am the one living my life. if it was up to my parents I'd be a nun (dad) or a mortician married to some creepy geek across the street (mom) very creepy !!! You will have to tell them you want to marry another and these are different time's now and if they don't like it you can either be a man... or you can be a mouse... the choice is your's. Just be happy with ur choice! known can live ur life but you and who know's if you get a second one? yolo lol. if they can't understand this you need to face them being angry (eventually they'll get over it, I've seen it happen a lot) or risk the m disowning you. honestly thats not love to throw away ur child and what he wants away.

    • Only 10% of Indian marriages are of love. Almost All are arranged.

    • Be that 10% and do what u want it's ur life... if you have never stood up for urself before... this would be the perfect time to

Most Helpful Guy

  • You are an adult now, and you have a simple choice: either take charge of your own life, and thus be 100% responsible for yourself (financially and otherwise), or admit that you aren't prepared to be an adult and allow your parents to make your decisions for you. There really isn't a third option.

    If you defy your parents, they may well cut you out of their lives entirely. Be prepared for that. You are abandoning their culture and ideals, which are very important to them, and even though that might be the right thing to do for YOU, it's going to hurt and anger them - and you have to be okay with that.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • you are an adult and can date or marry whoever you want. your parents might be upset, but you need to do what's right for you, since you're the one who ultimately has to live with your choice.

    pro tip: if you and the other girl aren't attracted to each other, both of you should make your case together. good luck to you!


    • That girl is attracted to me, but more to my money and that I can provide for her. Aka gold digger

    • all the more reason to stick with the girl who makes you happy. best of luck to you!

What Guys Said 1

  • Save arranged marriages!! Save the patriarchy!!

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