Is it bad if I don't want to get married or have kids?

People like my family, girlfriend, and my friends are pressuring me to be married. But I don't want to for the following reasons (based on Reddit and some of my married friends' lives)

1. Boring sex life
2. Too damn expensive
3. Women never want to sign pre-nups
4. Women divorce and cheat a lot more
5. Women are gold diggers
6. The courts and government will be up your ass if you have kids
7. Alimony
8. Child support and custody
9. We work our asses off and the woman doesn't do shit
10. No freedom to do your hobbies or drink or hang out with your friends
11. Being yelled at when you spend time with a female friend
12. But being forced to be ok with your wife hang out with her male friend.
13. And watch her cheat on you
14. And take your house, car, kids, Xbox, and friends when divorcing
15. Not sure if you'll love each other forever.
16. Expensive ass rings

17. If a man cheats, he is an asshole. If a woman cheats, the man is accused for not spending time with her.
18. If the woman cheats and divorces, the man will still pay child support and alimony.
19. Verbal and physical abuse from your spouse.
20. Also, if a woman hits a man, she gets away, but a man will go to jail if he hits a woman.
21. No more random vacations or dates.
22. Even if she gets pregant my another man, you still take care of the child.


Most Helpful Girl

  • is it bad? no. i don't want kids and, until i met my man, i had no intention of being married either.

    that said, all of these are generalizations, and you're obviously resentful toward women (a recent bad breakup, perhaps?). allow me to rewrite your list:

    1. your sex life won't be boring unless you make it that way;
    2. if you want something enough, it's worth the cost; if not, don't.
    3. are you kidding me? at the rate men leave their wives for someone younger and hotter, prenups just make sense.
    4. in my experience, men are more likely to cheat~ i come from a family that's 95% female, as all of the men cheated and then left their wives and kids for someone else. they didn't want the responsibility.
    5. if all 100 of them are gold diggers, you need to change the type of woman you date.
    6. assuming you even give a shit about the kids (since most men assume no responsibility whatsoever and just leave the woman with the kids).
    7. spousal support
    8. child support (as is expected of the non-custodial parent in all scenarios) and custody (well no shit, they're half yours).
    9. you obviously have terrible taste in women.
    10. see #9
    11. lots of men assume that, if a woman has guy friends, she must be banging all of them.
    12. but men can hang out with attractive women and that's totally ok.
    13. and he ultimately cheats on her.
    14. unless you cheated on her, i doubt it.
    15. then why the fuck are you getting married?
    16. most women don't care about the specifics of the ring, just that it comes from you.
    17. If a man cheats, he is an asshole. If a woman cheats, she's still an asshole; when your partner cheats in general, it's because the relationship is abusive or missing something.
    18. If the woman cheats and divorces, the man will still pay child support (as he should, since he is their father) and alimony (the non-custodial parent is always expected to do this, at least where i live).
    19. men do this too, and at a way higher rate.
    20. physical violence is not an acceptable response from either gender.
    21. No more random vacations or dates if kids are in the picture (no shit, you're responsible for other human lives~ you bring them into the world, you do the work).
    22. you can knock up whoever you want and don't have to assume any responsibility whatsoever, so you fuck off with someone else and she's stuck with the kids forever.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • Well, 3 isn't exactly accurate seeing as many women want pre-nups and I for one wouldn't get married without one. I'm also sure your girlfriend likes the views you express towards women here. You're generalising traits to roughly half of the world's population when I can bet you that they aren't going to fit for all of them and a lot of the points can be switched around and turn on guys. You also seem to make out like every problem in marriage is the woman's fault which is interesting.

    However, no, it's not bad that you don't want marriage and kids. You should make your own decisions, though I believe you've made your decision based on poor, biased evidence for the most part.

  • Honestly, I think the list is completely unnecessary. If you don't want to get married or have kids, that's a good enough reason to not do those things. And I don't think it's bad that you don't want those things. I don't want to be married or have kids either. Screw what other people want your life to be like, do what you want to do.

  • 1. Don't generalize

    Dude, I don't want to have none of those thing either, but of course.. no sexism is needed.

  • 1. Whaa? No way.
    2. You can make it frugal
    3. yeah can't argue
    4. Choose wisely.

    5. Not all are.
    6. Ehhh
    7. ...

    8. That does suck I guess. but if hopefully if you do end up in divorce, end on a good note.
    9. Some can be lazy I suppose
    10. That depends

    11. Hell yeah
    12. That is just hypocrisy ,

    13. eww. You are better off without her

    14. ...:O

    15. Pshhh, b. s

    16. There are simple ones

  • I can agree with the no kids business 'cause they're gross but in regards to marriage and the list i've got this;
    1. Sex is statically more adventurous after marriage
    2. Yeah, Its fucking expensive but you can cut the cost dramatically.
    3. Do you really have anything to protect?
    4. These women would cheat regardless of the marriage
    5. As the sole bread winner for my household ima have to call bullshit!
    6. Get a butt plug? (You'd have to elaborate)
    7. Do they still do that? (Genuine question.)
    8. Avoid kids like the plague, 'cause they probably have it.
    9. Again, sole bread winner and cook and cleaner (Beginning to question the worth of my husband)
    10. Your wife should be your friend
    11. Don't marry a psycho
    12. Don't be a psycho
    13. Close you eyes?
    14. ^Ditto
    15. Don't worry, you won't live forever.
    16. I never had an engagement ring and our wedding rings were bought by an in law out of disgust for the original cheap ones.

    • 1. Please explain.
      2. how?
      3. Whatever I'd buy (Car, House, Playstation, bed)
      4. True.
      5. He doesn't work at all?
      6. It's an idiom. meaning that the courts will charge a lot for child support during a divorce.
      7. I think so.
      8. Agreed (unless you get her pregnant)
      9. Hmmmm
      10. But not my only friend
      11. Psycho or non psycho, she'll still be mad if you hang with another female.
      12. Why the double standard?
      13. That won't prevent me from being cheated on.
      14. Ditto.
      15. Yes. But I won't love her forever.
      16. You're lucky

    • Show All
    • Colloquially, many frustrated men use the term alimony loosely to refer to child support payments as well. Historically, when a couple divorced, the children stayed with the father as he had an income to support them. The wife was let go along with her personal possessions and little else. She was not supported but also did not have responsibility for anyone but herself. She could return to her family or work for someone as a domestic servant in trade for room and board.

      The passage of the "tender years" laws required the courts to give preference to the mother in custody cases. Keeping the mother with her children requires child support. Keeping the children and their mother living in the family home requires alimony payments.

      Thus the tender years laws change the way a man experiences divorce. He then moves out of his home and keeps paying for it in his absense.


    • In my own divorce, I obtained custody of my son. She went her own way and has had to support herself. My income has been stable and sufficient to support myself and my son without her contribution.

      In the 12 years in which I have had custody of my son, I have never received nor have I sought to receive any child support payments from my ex-wife.

      The contrast between my lived experience and the asker's perspective is stark.

      For me, it was like the Tender Years laws were never passed in the first place.

  • You need Jesus, he is your only savior in this hot mess of thinking. Truth is you are still quite young to make these big decisive decisions and may change your mind in a few years. If you are completely adamant though, then best to tell your girlfriend so she doesn't waste her time and then be prepared to live a lonely, yet "satisfying" life.

  • Who cares what other people think. Don't get married. That's the best option for you.


What Guys Said 10

  • There's no problem - I feel the same way after seeing my dad's marriage fall apart.

    Basically here's how it went.

    Dad and Mom meet in college. Dad is a nice guy, works hard, doesn't go out much. Mom is a party girl, loves flirting and bad boys. Dad crushes on Mom, asks her out. She agrees to go out but isn't attracted to him, but to the guy wearing the leather jacket smoking a cigarette.

    Mom turns 30. Bad boy doesn't care about her. She begs my Dad to marry her. Dad is elated to marry his dream girl.

    Dad marries her, loves her with all his heart. Mom thinks, "meh, at least he makes money" but never is truly attracted to him. She still wants the man in the leather jacket.

    She cheats on Dad when man in leather 20 years ago messages her on Facebook. Dad is devastated and has an outburst. Mom lies to me about how bad Dad is and wants a divorce.

    I find out the truth - Mom's a whore.

    I haven't spoken to Mom in 3 years. I call my Dad almost every day. Love you, Dad.
    Fuck you, Mom.

  • your life your decisions, if that list of reasons is enough to sway you away from the idea of marriage, then don't.

  • Its not bad at all, your choice of life really. No one can control. Although parents might want you to.

  • Not in my opinion. I don't either.

    • There is no benefit to marriage for the guy in my opinion. If it ends in divorce the guy is the only one that gets screwed and taken to the cleaners.

  • You're generalizing, but I don't want to get married either
    I do want kids though

    Is it bad? Not in the least. You'll get shamed for it, but that's just manipulative women or mangina simps trying to push you into a lifestyle you don't want

  • Nothing wrong with not wanting to get married or have kids. I'll stay single and childless myself since I rather be free and travel the world. But the reasons you gave make it sound like you just came stright from a website like "Sluthate" or have been flirting with the "Redpill" mentality or silly stuff like that.

  • Then dont. This is america damit, you can do what you want and tell your friends to mind their own business.

  • nope its fine i dont wanna do that shit either

  • Nah. Marriage is dead and women killed it.

  • Step 1 - Approach 20 girls politely, face insult, accpeted by 1 or 2
    Step 2 - Talking. Keep hanging around like a dog and reading PUA shit because you're so terrified it won't work out.
    Step 2 - Dating. Open doors, pull chairs, pay for her, try and make her laugh, try to keep her interested etc... while she doesn't do any of that. After 20 such dates and bending over backwards for them, get into a relationship with 1.
    Step 3 - Relationships. Be a human ATM & physical slave for the woman. Buy gifts. Keep bending over backwards and accept your 2nd class status. Apologize when you are expected to. Keep being threatened with being left. Face a lot of verbal crap that would never be acceptable the other way around.

    Step 4 - Eventual breakup, with you looking like the bad guy, even though you have been used and abused the whole time. Get into marriage with one.
    Step 5 - Marriage. Same as relationships, but now its worse. Get down on your FUCKING knees and ask for it. Eventually you can't stand your wife, but you can't leave. Emotional blackmail and torture. Get nagged to death if it lasts. Develop heart disease. No more sex.
    Step 6 - Divorce. Face court & social bias. You are the bad guy because of your sex. Get fucked.