I'm a 36yo woman, never married, no kids, good job, intelligent, own 3 houses & a boat. I'm no supermodel, but I'm very attractive, fit & sexy. I've never been into older guys & usually date men in their mid 20s-early 30s.
A year ago I met a man whom, despite being 20 years my senior, I was drawn to instantly. We exchanged calls & texts & bumped into each other a couple times over the next 2 months before we went on our first date. After that, the physical part of our relationship heated up & it wasn't long before we were intimate. Our sexual chemistry was amazing & we seemed so comfortable together.
A month later, he nonchalantly mentions there's another woman he dates. I was disappointed & told him I didn't want to put myself in a situation where he was choosing to spend his time with her over me, but he continued to pursue me. I figured he must not be too serious with her because he called many nights a week & she wasn't around. It was early on for us & I thought things would evolve as we spent more time together, so I continued seeing him.
A few weeks later I found out from someone else that this woman was essentially his girlfriend for the past year. And while I do not know her personally, we live in a small city so I know who she is. She's 53, dresses & wears makeup like it's the 1980s with no modern sense of style & isn't sexy or really even remotely attractive. I kept it to myself for a few weeks & based on what I was able to discern, she seemed boring & they didn't appear to have much of a sexual relationship, if at all, because they never spent the night together. I was sure she didn't stand a chance against me.
A few weeks later I did confront him about it & he admitted he was in a relationship with her but that he didn't want to stop seeing me. Despite my better judgment I couldn't stay away. The fact that I kept meeting guys that seemed like ridiculous idiot losers next to him didn't help. An argue-makeup cycle went on for the next 4 months, during which I felt we grew close, & then he drops on me that he proposed to her a month prior & they're getting married in 2 months. Needless to say I was crushed, but I figured why stop now? We both make each other feel so good, & not just sexually. I made it clear I wouldn't sleep with him after he married. Looking back, I was in denial that it would happen. Well, 10 days ago it did.
He slept with me 9 days before the wedding, & I found out he got out of bed with me that morning & met her to apply for their marriage license. He tried to have phone sex with me 3 days before. We talked on the phone every night until the day of. We've had no contact since, but I know he will try before long. Others have observed his lack of excitement during the engagement, & he indicated more than once he may be making a mistake. He is active in his church & likes to maintain a certain image, & she fits that. But I don't understand how he can behave this way and think he's ready to marry. Thoughts?
Most Helpful Guy
From your degree of literacy, you seem more intelligent than others. From your degree in focus on 'superficial' things (looks, materialistic things, comparison with this woman) in this brief description, I dare to say you should know better too than to be infatuated still.
Not wanting to sound judgemental in the least, but you seem to crave some emotional stability somehow in your life and he has been and is abusing that. You can turn it around as much as you like, but this thing will not have a future. Unless you're okay to be a mistress for the rest of your life - I guess that works for some?
As to understanding: I'm sure he finds things in you - other than sexual - which he doesn't have in the other; obviously he wants both and continues to go for both no matter what (morality, respect for both women,...) - I only know this behavior from spoilt children. And yea, children can be cruel; expect one of you women to get hurt badly soon, as, unless you're fine with the mistress thing, he will be forced to grow up fast!
Summary: he's still a child, and he got two toys (I didn't say you were *only* a sex toy!). He will be forced to throw one away soon. It's probably because of the 'child in him', that the age seemed less of an issue. Out of your own self-respect, force him to choose and stick to it. I'm very well aware you must feel victimised - you have a lot going for you in life apparently, please find someone who is worthy of you. You're not telling me you haven't heard this cliche before, but it is true..
Also, it's a small town, you don't want to draw a bad image over you, he obviously won't..
For one part, allow me to be judgemental: this guy is not worth any church (and no I'm not that religious..I just dislike fakers with a passion!)