He wants to get married before we move in together?

My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. Back story: I joined the Army Reserve, left for training in January. Shipped out to AIT March 18th to Fort Sam Houston in Texas. For those of you who don't know what AIT is, it's basically Army "school" for your job. I am a Medic. You meet great people, have great experiences, make great friends. It's a different environment. I had a close-knit group of friends that I regularly hung out with. We graduated July 8th and usually they ship you home/to your duty station the day you graduate. My flight didn't leave for home until the next day. I was in a pickle, as I didn't want to stay in the barracks one more night nor did I want to pay for a hotel. My friend that I had hung out with for the duration of training, we'll call him Smith, said that his family had rented a house and he'd be more than happy to have me stay there for family day (the day before graduation) and they can pick me up after graduation, spend the night, and take me to the airport the next day. Long story short, he said he fell for me over the past 16 weeks and wanted to pursue a long distance relationship, blah blah, which has been going great. Many plans of moving in together, our future (we aren't 'kids' per say; I'm 27 and he's going to be 28 shortly) so we both have a little bit of experience behind us. He has told me before that he has no doubts that I'm the one for him, he wants to start a life with me as soon as possible, etc. He just told me tonight that he doesn't want to live together before we're married. WHAT. We live states away! I graduate from nursing school in May. The move alone takes massive planning and now he says he will not live with me because he "wants to do this right". He said that he doesn't know how to explain it, but he knows that I'm all he wants and he's ready for this. I'm more concerned with finishing school, moving there, then talk about marriage/planning it. What do I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • If I could talk to him, I would say DON'T GET MARRIED

    I'm and Air Force Veteran. Military life is very hard on Marriages. Divorce is rampant. The last statistic I saw was 60% of Marriage in the Military end in Divorce. If he is in Special Forces, its 90%. I've spoken the Army Veterans. Some in the MPs. One Army Veteran in my Church was an Army MP. He had TOO MANY stories of Wives cheating on their Husbands during deployment.

    Here is what some Special Forces Men have to say...

    "Marriages among many of the nation's elite troops — Navy SEALs, Green Berets, Rangers and others — are so damaged after years of war that one in five commandos say that if given the chance, they would have married someone else or not at all."



Most Helpful Girl

  • This is what he wants to do. So unless you figure out how to do that and where you two is going to live, it shouldn't be a problem. Take as long as you need, just figure out how to get to where you need to go. He's right. That is what your supposed to do. You get married and then move in with each other. But you don't need to get married right away if you want to wait till after your graduate in May.

    The point is, if you move in together, your not going to want to get married. Plus cohabitation is a set up for unrealistic expectations in marriage. Don't look at this like its some Mock Trial, because it's not. Marriage is NOT a GAME. Its not to PLAY HOUSE. If your unsure about him, don't marry him. He believes one way and you believe another way. If you can't compromise, then its within his right to find somebody who doesn't want to live together before marriage. It also brings about a lot of temptations. I don't agree with Cohabitation either.

    Its clear that your views don't line up, and if you can't compromise with him or agree, don't get married to him and drop the relationship. Its not fair to string him along making him believe that this is what you want, and then at the last minute you don't agree with it or not in it. Tell him the truth now. Because again, this is not fair on him and your only hurting yourself.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • *per se

    And yes, you should want to live together before marriage. You want to be immersed in that person before you're committed to them. For. Sure.

    • Thanks for the grammar edit (not being sarcastic-I really do appreciate the correction)

      That's what I was thinking. I'm a realistic person in the fact that why rush it? If it's going to happen eventually, it doesn't need to be tomorrow.

    • Show All
    • *Side note

      It's a religious factor him. Should have mentioned that earlier.

    • Ah. Ick. Worst reason to do anything. ;-)

What Girls Said 1

  • Move there and live in a separate apartment for a while. At the same time continue to date him and see where things go.