Marriage: Who's Getting Screwed?

Follow me here. In the past, it was a bad deal for women to get married. They basically became house cleaners and babysitters. They could also be hit by their husband. So the man, while he still worked hard and everything, still had an incentive to be married. There were advantages (guaranteed house cleaning, kids, etc). He also had no worries about her cheating, as that use to be frowned upon. And also, divorce was not common. So he wasn't getting left with only half of what he earned.

With all those facts, I can understand chivalry being in play. I can understand the requirement for men to chase and approach women.

But now? Everything is turned around. Men now get the raw deal in marriage. There is no guaranteed sex anymore, there is no housecleaning and cooking, there is no guarantee for her to be a great mother. The marriage laws are completely biased towards women, we all know this. Its common knowledge at this point. When there is a divorce, the woman gets more than she deserves. 50% end in divorce, and most are initiated by women

So, now that women have the advantage in marriage, can someone explain to me why men still are expected to do the chasing? Shouldn't men be able to sit back and wait for women to come to them? Aren't WE the ones that need the heavy convincing to get into marriage which does not favor us? Shouldn't women now be approaching men and paying for dates?

Just wondering. Seems backwards to me. That seems to be a little tidbit that feminists skipped over when making women equal. Equal in everything except courtship.


Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like you're bitter about more than just marriage but rather everything that has to do with dating or females in general. Personally, its not my fault that women get more things in a divorce that has to do with the courts not anything I personally did. If the woman is anything like me then there is still house cleaning AND cooking, not to meantion I'm pregnant right now with our (my husband and my) first little one. There is nothing that ever said that those women in the past were guaranteed to be a great mother either, there was no guarantee for that at all and there never will be. If you don't want to get married, then stop chasing women. We don't EXPECT you to do it, but you still will as long as you want to be with someone. Men are able to sit back and wait for women to come to them, they will probably be waiting for a long time but nothing says they can't do it. We shouldn't have to convince a guy to marry us, the guy should want to do so despite any possible negatives about the situation. He should be thinking about the positives since there are negatives about marriage for both parners not just the male. Like I said you will probably be waiting for a while but someday maybe a woman will approach you and pay for the dates but don't complain about how long it takes or about how feminist she is once she comes along. You asked for it. Most women now a days still believe that they are worth more than guys give them credit for, that's not saying that they didn't feel that way before but that they are more open about it now. You could just drop the ignorant attitude and realize that women are just as capable of doing the same things as men. If you want to sit back and wait for women to come to you then why don't you just do it? Tell the girl that comes up to you how you feel about marriage and she will probably flee seeing as your seeking out the woman that believes that the sexes should be equal in all ways. She won't do everything in the relationship that the male "used to do" just because she believes she is equal to you. She will do what she does on her own without your help that's it, like she doesn't need you (because she doesn't). I could go on but I've ranted enough for this conversation lol..

    • It is way easier for a girl to get a boyfriend than it is for a guy to get a girlfriend

    • That doesn't really matter, though I did mention several times that it's going to take the guy more time waiting for the girl to come to him. Honestly, put an ugly girl in a room with a bunch of guys and see if any of them go up to her to chat. Usually doesn't happen. So its not necessarily easier for a girl to get a boyfriend, that statement is based on the idea that the girl is attractive on the outside. I'm sure you wouldn't walk up to an unattractive girl to get her number.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Well, first off, I don't believe marriage was that bad for women back in that day. A man provided physical safety and comfort in life since there are periods in time where women had no option to work. Read older books. Jane Austen novels are a great example of this. Women are pinning away for a husband.

    Plus, women have been cheating on men as long as men have been cheating on women. It may have not ended in divorce but that doesn't mean there was no cheating involved.

    So I don't think anyone ever got a raw deal in marriage. I think both sexes bring things to a relationship that make it helpful to the other person's life. Today, like in the past, there are marriages where women are beaten merciless by their husbands. Today, like in the past, there are marriages where men are beating down verbally by their wives. There are terrible marriages in every time and culture. And there are good marriages in every time and culture. But sometimes the laws seem to favor one sex legally. But that doesn't mean the marriages have changed, just who benefits from it if it goes bad.

    Having said that, I don't believe that's why men chased women. I think men chase women cause that's just how they are. I know everyone has their own theory on whether it's biological, evolutionary, by God's design, or societal, but it doesn't matter to me. They just are a certain way period. Men love to strive for things on some level. They don't just want to pick up a basketball and be good at it. They strive and sweat and bleed so they earn that praise that they are good. They don't just want a great job. They work and sacrifice and toil for it so they can feel like they earned their paycheck. They don't just want a woman to fall into their laps. They want to feel like they proved they were the best option through learning about her, impressing her, and pursing her. So he can feel proud he earned her love. It seems to make a guy feel special. Like he can do anything.

    Does that mean every single man is like that? Of course not. There are some who would much prefer a woman chase them. But I think that is a personality thing more than anything. Because there are women who have that drive to get a man through her actions.

    Plus, not all chasing leads to marriage. I don't think every time a guy is chasing a girl he is doing it for marriage. A lot of times he is looking for a sexual partner who he can have fun with, regardless of the future. So I don't think that aspect can be factored out.


What Guys Said 3

  • I very much follow your logic, and I tend to agree with what you're getting at. Not completely, but I do. Also, get a pre-nup. If she doesn't want to get a pre-nup, don't marry her, simple as that.

    As far as the "in the past" scenario you mentioned, it is basically true. It should be mentioned that women more or less HAD to get married to a guy, because there was basically no job opportunities for women of that age. Most common women would be completely unable to support themselves due to lack of employment opportunities, so society basically forced them into the homemaker role.

    As far as today's scenario, it is true under one assumption: the man is the main moneymaker in the household. There are plenty of households today in which the woman is the main breadwinner, in which case the marriage laws would favor the man in the divorce. The only exception to this is children, which almost always go to the woman. Everything else you mentioned was true. Most women growing up are treated the same as men, so they don't learn "housewife" skills as a child, but rather go to school/college and get an education. I'm all in favor of education, but it does result in many couples not having either party good at house upkeep.

    As far as marriage goes, it does often end up being a raw deal. If you choose to get married, then get a prenup. If you don't want to get married, then don't. Nobody is going to make you.

  • im not going to read this but men by far get the short end of the stick in marriage. I've thought about this for many hours in my free time and I would just like to say pre-nup

  • Your logic has so many flaws it's hard to accurately answer your question because we have to either try and argue against your logic or put ourselves in this skewed reality.

    The simple answer is don't marry someone you're not compatible with. If you've only known the person for 6 months, don't get married. If you accidently get pregnant, don't get married. If your relationship has a lot of "ups and downs", don't get married.

    Although it may be illegal for gays to get married, it certainly isn't illegal for dumb people to get married. Come to think of it, maybe that's the real problem here. Perhaps there should be an IQ test required before marriage?