Should I tell her?

My dad is getting remarried next month and it has been short of a year since my parents divorced (although they have been living in different homes for 2 years), I am the only person in my family who is still in contact and loves each member of it (and I’m a huge momma’s boy), I live in my dad’s apartment but have only known of his engagement for 2 months (I was on a deployment and he didn’t want to stress me out).

My mom is bipolar and doesn’t handle ANY news about my father well (he was a tool) and has suspected him of being a cheat for a good majority of their 22 year marriage, and now I find myself covering for my dad when he’s staying with his fiancé. She has been dating other people successfully, but I know what the sting of an unsuccessful long-term relationship feels like.

My question is “Should I tell my mom that my dad is getting remarried?” I’m super conflicted because I hate lying to my mom, but I don’t want to hurt her…

I guess it all trickles down to that age old question, “Is it ever alright to lie to a person you love?”


Most Helpful Girl

  • Like you said, it is very difficult in general when a parent isn't over their past marriage (a very strong bond still hasn't fully broken).

    I think you should tell your mum, but with reserves. After your father remarried, it would only be a matter of time before she found out, you know? Imagine what it would be like if she hadn't known, before they got married. Absolutely terrible, especially that she is unstable.

    Unfortunately, it's like walking on egg shells sometimes, when it comes to having family members with Manic Depression/Bipolar (I know very well).

    I would tell her, when she is at a high (feeling pretty good, or very good), because they cannot handle much when they are at their very lows. It still may trigger something, but it's better breaking it to her when she is in a positive mood, versus a negative one.

    In the end though, I truly believe your dad should tell her. It's not your job or place to handle these things (or any covering), being the child of their relationship. But I know, it's not always that simple, especially when it is a messy divorce.

    I wish you luck :)


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What Girls Said 1

  • well if she has moved on, she shouldn't care. that would suck to lose 22 years of your life married to a guy who just cheats behind your back, I would tell her when she's calm I guess but I think the ideal reaction on her part would be to brush it off and be apathetic towards him. if I were her and I heard the news I would be like 'who cares'. But, because she's bipolar and depending on when you get to talk to her, it might not be a good idea. You wouldn't want to trigger anything but at the same time I feel like she has the right to know, even if she doesn't care.


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