Has anyone dealt with alcoholism?

I just got engaged. I am so happy to be with her. But, I think she is an alcoholic. We have spent times having drinks and had some great times. She sometimes drinks every mixture imaginable and then gets very mean towards me. Yesterday she started drinking vodka with a friend at 11 am...then they shared 2 bottles of wine...she met me after I got off work and had a beer, shot of Jager and ordered a shot of Stoli. At my band's practice, she had 2 more beers. Then we went to the casino I'm playing this weekend to check it out and she had another beer and another shot of Jager...(after reading this I'm thinking, yes, she has a drinking problem.)

On the way home, she got really mean towards me and said some stuff that really hurt. Can anyone tell me how to get her help? Have you ever dealt with this before?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Longshot had some good ideas. My mother was an alcoholic (or rather, though she has been sober for 12 years now, she still considers herself to be one; that's how AA works). Anyhow, it's often the case that they need to hit "rock bottom" before they pick themselves up and get the help they need. It's not always the case, but if you're serious that she might have a problem, don't be surprised. It's great that she agreed to stop drinking right now, but if she really does have a problem, don't start thinking everything is fine. It can be incredibly hard to deal with this going forward as she slips then promises than slips.

    I would definitely consult Alcoholics Anonymous to see what's best. One thing, never bullsh*t yourself about what she is doing (though be sure to treat her well). Furthermore, if you said that she wasn't going to drink, f***ing stick to it. Too many times family members end up enabling their addicted loved ones by giving them a break here and there. Try not to let it get between you two, finesse lol, but never buy her a drink because she really wants one and is crying or yelling or whatever. You will never be doing her or yourself a favor by doing that. NEVER. If it means a rift in your relationship, so be it, don't enable her. Make sure to ask AA about this so you can hear it from them too.

    By the way it might not be that bad, but bullsh*tting yourself about it hoping for the best can really leave you disappointed. So don't.

    • Let me follow this with saying that I only read Longshot's advice on contacting AA. I just realized we said the same thing. Reassurance?

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What Girls Said 1

  • Wow. I currently just broke up with my boyfriend because of his alcoholism. He was also a cocaine addict. Claims to have stopped that, but I highly doubt it. He knows he has a problem and just recently told me he's scared and knows he has to go to rehab. But, here's the thing. next week, he tells me. Next week? Yeah right! Ha. his behavior is and was absurd and majorly abusive is the sense of mental, verbal and emotional. never physical. Which doesn't make any of it right. Simply, all I learned is yes, they have to hit rock bottom, stop being enabled like transportation, giving them a place to stay, etc. I cannot control what his family does, but I can control what I do, which is why I cut off communication. And I, nor did my kids need this in their life. He reeked of alcohol everyday, and needed it to function. We were fighting every week. Sad thing is we see the good and learn to them even through their faults. And what a beautiful talented wonderful brilliant man he could be. But they have to know this is not ok. He blamed me for things that he did to himself; like I was the problem. It's truly sad. I told him I will be there for him when he makes the move to rehab, but that is all. I will no longer accept this behavior or justify this behavior. We as the "victims" can only do so much. Sometimes backing off and letting them see what their actions have done and how they affect us loved ones, maybe, just maybe they will get the help they need. I truly believe this reality check will help him. In due time. Lots of love. hope this helps

    • Also, may I add, I am now so turned off by alcohol, I do not even want a sip of it. And I love my porters and stouts. but it's unnecessary. It truly is no good. Good luck. Sure hop it worked out for the both of you!

What Guys Said 2

  • Yup, dealt with it more than once -- 3 times. It takes some intervention. When she is sober, you need to explain in a non-hostile way that you think she has a drinking problem and cite some examples. Tell her it has hurt you and cite examples of that. At first, she will deny she has a problem. You need to tell her what she is risking (the engagement).

    Nothing will happen though until she wants it to. This is true for all alcoholics/addicts. Also sometimes they have to hit bottom before they straighten out -- pass out/DUI/speeding/etc.

    First visit the AA site, link They will help you. You can call them too on what steps you should take. Then you will need to work with your fiance.

    My advice--take care of it now -- it can destroy a relationship.

    • Thank you. I did talk with her when she was sober and she admits to having a problem. she doesn't want to hurt me and says she will do anything. I suggested that neither one of us drink at all. She is fine with that. I know THAT will be hard for her.....we are very social people, and are in social settings quite often, but it has to be done.

      It's great to hear advice from people who have dealt with this before....thanks again.

  • She has to want to stop drinking, she enjoys the high she gets form it and its hard to change behaviour, environment can do it, pressure might do it but she has to want to do it.