Discussing past engagement?

So I have an amateurish question...

I had a few tiny relationships if you could even call them that before getting engaged about a year ago. The engagement recently ended and I'm wondering how to eventually address the issue with the next eventual person with relationship potential. I've never thought of it before because at 24/25/26, everyone assumes you have dated other people, but I would think being three weeks away from getting married is more of something to bring up once things get serious. I've never really been asked the (IMHO) silly questions like "how long was your longest relationship" so I would think it would be on me to bring it up? How would you suggest doing so?


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What Girls Said 1

  • I think it's great that you want to be upfront and honest with future partners. I don't think it's necessarily something that you need to tell someone right off the bat. Personally, I wouldn't really feel the need to tell the other person until our relationship started to become "more serious". I don't really see it as a first-date conversation topic. If she brings up past relationships (which there's a good chance she will---this is something that a lot of people want to know), then just tell her the truth. If she doesn't bring it up and you feel like you owe it to her to tell her, take initiative and go for it. My suggestion would be to ask her first about her past relationships, but you mentioned that you're not the type to really do that, so just be true to yourself in how you tell her. Maybe just a, "Hey, by the way, I feel like I should tell you..."

    Be aware that some girls might feel a little threatened by your past (not all, but some). It can make someone feel insecure if they feel they have some "big shoes to fill" to live up to a girl that you were planning on spending your life with. Also, some girls might compare their own relationship with you to your previous one. For example, if they know you asked your ex to marry you after "x" amount of time together, they may worry if you aren't talking to them about marriage by the same time. This isn't to say that they SHOULD feel that way, just that it may be something you'll have to deal with in the future.

    • A good and thoughtful answer; thanks. My only concern about asking about past relationships isit seems a bit insecure. I thought "the past is the past". Typically guys want to know, I thought, because they want to know how many guys youve slept with, which I know no girl wants to tell (and no guy deep down really wants to know).

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    • But more so in how you react to the information you learn about the other person. In my own relationship, the conversation about the past has been pretty standard and I sort of expect that if I have any future relationships, its a conversation that will come up.

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