Engagement conundrum?

Love my boyfriend immensely, and have never been so "sure" about anyone in my life. From the get-go, I knew he was a responsible and mature individual... and in addition to falling for his personality and quirks, I quickly noticed that our values were entirely in line, that despite a 6-year age difference we were approaching the same stage in our lives, and that it would be a frankly plain wise decision to end up with a man like him.

He, however... took a much longer time to come around to the same conclusion. The first 6 months of our now 13-month relationship were spent with him on the fence. He was very cautious, conscientious, and contributed to sabotaging us from getting emotionally close until I finally breached the topic once and for all back in February. It was a, "are you falling in love, or are you not?" situation. We got over that hump, and things have been increasingly great ever since.

We've talked about engagement, and it's a sensitive subject for me sometimes. Usually, I'm all rose-colored glasses about it -- me, marrying the man I love more than anyone else I've met? Bring it on!

But there's this underlying concern, because I want marriage to be forever. What about me, in the past, was he so on the fence about? I never got to know. *shrug* All I know is that his lack of surety has long passed(?). He tells me he wants to marry me, and wants me to make the decision as to whereabouts he will ask. I've told him June might be a good idea (that leaves us several months to develop our relationship). But to be honest, I suggested June was because I want to be more sure _he's_ sure.

What does one do in a situation like this? I've found myself wondering what he would have said/done if I told him I want him to propose now/whenever he's ready, instead of suggesting June only because I think that's an answer he'd appreciate more than "tomorrow." If he loves me now... should I bother to ask why there was indecision before? Is it an indication that perhaps I'm not the ready one now, because he wasn't then?

I know the solution is to just wait until June, and see what he does then. But in a way, I'm too curious. I find myself wondering if, even by June, whether he will propose or not... whether he will raise the possibility of waiting even longer...


Most Helpful Girl

  • He wants YOU to make the decision as to when you marry. He hasn't even asked yet? If a guy truly wants to be with you, HE will do the pushing forward and can't wait to ask you to marry him. YOU should not have to do anything to push him towards this. The way he is acting would cause me to have trust issues with this individual. I'd put the breaks on it. Either he loves you and wants you, or he doesn't. You can't force him to care for you back and want to marry you as well.

    • Indeed, indeed. In rationalizing it, I think part of the reason is our age difference -- I just started my career, and he doesn't want to 'steal my thunder.' He's remarked, "I don't want to do it too soon; I also don't want to disappoint by waiting too long." I see what he means. But part of me feels that if I were to just tell him, "I want to get engaged!" I can't expect a wholly positive reaction.

    • He doesn't want to "steal your thunder"..that sounds like an excuse. If one of my children or a really good friend of mine accomplishes something great I want to celebrate that with them and I am very happy for them. I'm not thinking I will steal any thunder by wanting to be with them more in the meantime or in your situation if he asked you to marry him. I think he needs to dream up some new excuses because that is lame! I don't mean to be rude because you obviously love him but I'd be careful

    • Thanks Sara! I TOTALLY see where you're coming from! We've had more discussions about it all, and I feel much better about it. My boyfriend has a tendency to not fully realize that what he says can sound wishy-washy, when in his heart he's actually sure. We were researching about diamonds online the other night, and many things were clarified... more than I can explain in 200 characters of text... suffice to say, our engagement will likely come before June. :)

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