Should I leave him or try again?

After many years...19...of common-law co-habitation. One proposal made to shut me up 10 years ago. Helping to raise his kids, etc. . This summer he proceeded to go camping alone without me. After a few days I went to the campsite to see a girlfriend of mine there. He was waiting for me and wanted back together which was OK with me. 2 weeks of fun and sex etc...we had a great time. We get back home and he tells me it's over Hubby decided that we were over. He said he hasn't loved me in many years. He then proceeded to tell me I was after him for security only and told me it would be easier if I were dead. Then I plan my departure...looked for apartment in another city where I'm from with family there. Then he decides he still loves me and wants to try again. So I tell him I won't live with one foot in the door and one out the door as I have all this time so he must prove his love this time. It's been weeks and he is still not proving he really loves me and says his head is not in the sex zone either...what do you think? He's being nice and tell me he loves me but nothing much more than that. Guys please tell me what the heck is going on...He is not seeing anyone or having an affair; I know this for a fact...he's working overtime a lot and I see the pay checks in our bank account and the rest of the time he's at home...Help me please.

I'm not working due to a burn-out over a year ago. He doesn't help me in the house but runs the errands mostly. My burn out was over stress from work and at home (I also took in my niece for over a year who was in foster care).


Most Helpful Guy

  • Seems like it's actually him that needs you there for emotional security, which he didn't realize until you actually were about to leave. That doesn't exclude the reasons why he wanted to break up in the first place. All this nice and I love you is because he'd rather keep you, albeit under false pretences than break up and have to manage alone. Lack of sex is likely an indicator of internal conflict on his part, it's hard to fake true love. behavior betrays thoughts. In time he'll probably reconcile his internal differences and be able to fake it enough that you accept it and he semi believes it. It takes time to rearrange ones beliefs to fit the circumstances. But There's nothing to suggest anything will get magically better than the past you've endured and haven't loved for years can't be taken back. I don't think staying offers much hope for what you truly desire.

    • I was thinking exactly the same thing, I guess I have a decision to make. He's being really nice now, but I always question it, and have doubts about everything he says now.

    • Thank you for your answer, I did go to leave, purchased a plane ticket far away to see my brother for a week b4 coming back to pack-up, then he realized I was serious and felt devastated and wouldn't let me leave, cried, apologized for his behavior etc... we're trying again, but this time I'm not letting him run my life either, and he's shaping up and manning up. Never again will I let a man do this stuff to me, needs to earn my respect and love.

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What Guys Said 1

  • If you ramble on with him the way you rambled here, it's a wonder he doesn't go camping alone more often. Women who need "proof of love" either need to either 1) stop asking, 2) recognize that love isn't always about YOU, or 3) move on.

    • Very helpful....not!!!

    • Show All
    • That's just rude benjaminbreslin...I guess you're not a good listener eh?

    • Jeesh and I guess you have no qualms about hurting people's feelings...maybe you'll grow out of it when you grow up.

What Girls Said 1

  • dont stay with a guy like that