Do guys have their cold and dark moments?

I've been with my boyfriend for about 10 months now. It was all fine until up to two weeks ago, where his grandma went to the hospital, and he received his marks back for one of his college courses (which he got like 60s when he was aiming for 90s). And then everything kind of changed--he wanted more time alone, wouldn't talk to me on the phone (before we talked on the phone for 1-2 hrs every night), and didn't really want to see me. Before his text msgs are sweet and he would use nicknames for me too.

But nowadays his texts are cold and he talks to me like a frd. I asked him what's wrong and he says he just needs to focus more on school and family and that I'm becoming a distraction. I confronted him the day after, and he initiated a breakup. He said he realized that he has been placing me as top priority and he doesn't want to anymore, because of his family and his falling grades. So he broke up with me. The day after he wanted to get back with me, so we're back together now. But he's STILL cold and distant to me! I'll always have to be the one initating texts and calling him. And for the past few days we haven't been talking on phone because he claims he's been too tired or out with his friends and so he couldn't talk.

I was just shocked at how he could do a 180 degree thing and become all cold and withdrawn from me. I asked him what was wrong last Thursday and he said that after the break up, he realized how much he LOVES me. But at the same time he feels as though his feelings for me is fading, and it has been fading for the past couple of months (it certainly didn't seem like it for me, though--he was still warm and affectionate). He says he's been struggling with being cold and having the loving side towards me, and he feels safer to just stick with the cold side.

And, okay, my fault, I wouldn't listen to him (like hanging out with other guy friends, one on one), and he said that disappointed him and he would always worry about me--who I'm with, where I am, etc. And he says whenever he asks me to not, I don't listen, so he's given up. He also says that he changed a lot for me and he did a lot for me, but he's really tired of that (but honestly when I suggested him to do something, I thought it was better for him, and I didn't see it as him doing something for ME).

So now he says that he wants to focus on his school and family. We're still together, and we're going to give each other two months to work on it and then the one month break to see if we really want each other afterward. If not, we're doing a clean break..and if so...he says he wanted to be engaged with me. Speaking of the whole engagement thing, he kept insisting on the fact that he wants to marry me, and at least be engaged with me. But for the next day he'll be like..let's have a break up and just be friends. So now I don't kno what to do...for the past couple of days he hasn't been calling me and doesn't want to see me as often..just a day/wk.

Wat can I do? HELP!


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What Guys Said 1

  • it's actually called hot and cold...if he gets cold, then you get warm or if you don't know, walk away until he turns warm or hot

    at present, you don't know how to communicate him or listen or somewhere in between...that might be a good starting point for you to try and turn things around

    • How will I be able to turn things around? So you're suggesting that if he's cold, then I shouuld be warm instead? would you have any clue as to why he suddenly became so cold to me? :( this really sucks!

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    • Would you think that it's better if I just give him time alone, and not initiate contact with him until he contacts me first? I don't even know why he's doing the hot/cold thing on me...does it mean he's not interested in this relationship anymore?

      I hope this won't last too long..i miss him so much already :(

    • You are both on different wavelengths...that's the initial reasoning for hot/cold...the question is to try and get back in synch and not over react, which is what you did and he countered, which didn't go well either way...depending on how far things went bad, time is the last cure to fix things to try again

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