Why hasn't he called yet??

I posted about this guy a couple of weeks ago but I'm still SO confused! So I moved across the country to move in with him and we fought about petty stuff a lot. But he had me fooled...he told me that he was SO in love with me, wanted to marry me, wanted to have kids with me, would NEVER break up with me or leave me, ever. I fell for it ALL. We lived together for one year.

I left my family, friends, school, and job to move in with him. 2700 miles. In August I came back to my state to visit my family and he stayed back to spend some time with his. (And also to work on ourselves and figure out how to fix our relationship problems) I stayed for a month and then in September I came back. Things were a LOT better.

We fought less, were happier, etc. I started noticing he was less affectionate with me then EVER. But we still went to look at engagement rings. However, 3 days later, I called him out on his unaffection and he ended up telling me when he thinks about our future he gets a bad feeling, he told me the thought of me leaving relieves him (but he'd still miss me), he told me he had the urge to check out other girls while I was gone, he told me he doesn't see me in the same way he used to. He pretty much agreed that I should leave. So I did.

On my three day trip back home, I called him & NO answer. He hasn't text me or called me since. I am jobless now & he did not even offer to help. He did not even ask if I arrived safe. This is SO not who I thought he was. I thought he would at least, in a friendly way, ask how I am, especially since he only gave me $400 ( I didn't work out there because we decided for me to travel with him for his work) and didn't even check my car. It's been over 2 weeks and he did not even attempt to contact me. We had the same cell so I've seen that he's been talking all his family & friends.

What do you guys think he's thinking? He told a mutual friend that he misses me but he's confused.I really thought he'd at least contact me in some kind of way. He was my best friend. And I DO NOT want to contact him again because he ignored my last call (I was on the road, I could've been hurt, you know?). Please give me some feedback as to what you think & if you think he'll call me again).


Most Helpful Guy

  • First paragraph - Sounds like he doesn't want to get bitched out.

    Second paragraph - You were getting serious, quick.. He wasn't mentioned.

    Third paragraph - Fight happens, he told you he wasn't interested

    Fourth paragraph - He gave you $400 when he didn't have to give you anything. It's your responsibility to find a way home if you were leaving that town. Honestly, you sound ungrateful here.

    Last paragraph - I'm repulsed by the kind of mindset you have.. "And I DO NOT want to contact him again because he ignored my last call (I was on the road, I could've been hurt".. You sound like a snob.

    In his shoes, I wouldn't be calling because I wouldn't have any reason to. Think of everything I listed above: Ungrateful, snob, etc.. Any of that show that you were the bigger person?

    You made the choice to move in so quick and further listen to his fake words: "Marry me, I want your kids, etc".. But if you would have slowed things down a notch, you could have seen straight through him and those words.

    ~ ArtistBBoy

    • ArtistBboy~

      The choice for me to move out there was a choice made *together*. We were supposed to get married by December and that choice was made *together*. His words to me were NOT fake because I had trust in him because I love him (i.e. I want to get married, etc). He even took me to look for rings. The choice for me not to work for a while so I can travel with him wasone made *TOGETHER*. And you're telling me that he didn't even have to give me $400?

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    • Yeah and the thing is, I would have never even taken any money from him (besides the $400, because I do think that was the least he could have done, seeing as how he broke up with me & moneys the LEAST of my concerns ). I guess I was just hurt by the 'ethical' part of the issue~that he, as a human, didn't appear to be in the least concerned with my safety. A simple text would have been fine. During our relationship, he didn't strike me as that type of person so that's why I'm shocked and hurt.

    • TBH - No woman will ever believe me, but almost 99% of guys are faking different things when you get with them.. Lots of guys may even say I'm lieing.. But tell me this; why would anyone say they've loved someone after (X years - the time it took him to tell you he loved you)..? Presumably speaking I'm guessing 3-4 months, which is way too soon to know the real side of someone well. Maybe a rough draft of their behavior but you couldn't really know much about them in that time other than facts.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • 1st paragraph - he really did want all that stuff but for some reason living with you didn't work.

    2nd paragraph - you gave up a lot more for him than he did for you. naturally things seem better when the thing that wasn't working is out of the picture.

    3rd paragraph - once you've been through all the fighting and negativity the relationship is practically doomed whatever you do, even tho no one wants to give up. You had to force the conversation to get him to admit he wasn't feeling it anymore. Probably he was hoping it'd magically fix itself.

    4th paragraph. what you thought he was is now complicated by all the stuff you've been through. That creates a lot of baggage between you.

    5th paragraph. Try not to forget his hopes were shattered too. plus he has the guilt of everything you gave up for him. Being friends after all that is unlikely. caring for someone just doesn't go away but other things can outweigh it.

    • Browolf~

      Thanks for the objective and non-insultive feedback. I appreciate it, I can see his side of the story now as well.

  • seriously, if a guy treats you badly just drop him and move on. women are in such high demand you /can/ find someone better.

    remember guys have it really, really, REALLY, hard when it comes to meeting women - we often over compensate early in the relationship before getting comfortable and slipping into our real personality. its hard to avoid for us - trust me I've been there and I've seen plenty of others do the same. :/

    • Yes you are right. I think that I just have to work on myself to be the best person I can be: morally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and financially. And the rest (like a boyfriend) will fall into place event, I'm sure. The law of attraction is inevitable: you are what you attract!

What Girls Said 5

  • Ok, 100 thing popped into my mind when I read this so I am going to follow the ongoing trend here and do paragraph by paragraph.

    Paragraph 1-Well when you say that he had you fooled, I think that you might be mistaken. I think that if anybody had anybody fooled you had yourself fooled. You lived together for one whole year right? well when a couple first gets together the level of infatuation can be staggering. Everything seems perfect right? Your so in love, you think that everything will last forever and just be wonderful right? Well what if he was feeling the same feelings as you and he meant everything? but what usually happens, happened... infatuation wore off and the real world set in. argueing over petty stuff is a pretty big clue, just for future refference.

    paragraph 2- girl... I could slap you! what on earth possessed you to get up and leave your entire life for some man? how long had you even been with the man before that?!? and don't you dare tell me "oh we were in love" come on, really?!

    ok sorry just had to get that out. lol. but in all seriousness- YOU GAVE UP EVERYTHING. Do you know what the main word in that sentence is? YOU. (big period right here ".")

    It was completely and totally your decision to make that kind of commitment. Now I'm sure when that option was brought up he was all in favor. but duhhh! of course he would be.

    and his family all live there around him don't they? then why in the heck would he stay and be around people that he is already around all of the time? and you stayed a month? honey a week is space. 2 weeks is space. I don't know wha to call month. you don't leave men by themselves for a month. but yes space is good, not disagreeing with that.

    paragraph 3- well I think you are being somewhat hard on the guy. if he still went and looked at engagement rings with you after he was feeling all of that inside, that shows that he really cared for you and hurting you probably did really hurt him. I give him kudos for honesty and sitting down and talking to you like aman.

    paragraph 4- well yes I see your point on how he should have called you and made sure you arrived home safe. but a the same time... he is proabably having to heal just as mch as you. he probably was sad to see you go even though it was what he wanted and what he thought was best. but he is trying to move on, so do the same ya know? why should he have to give you money for you to go home? again the main word is you. you got yourself out there you get yourself back. its that simple. and quit looking at his cell calls stalker loljk but really quit looking. if he's not calling you whatever reason good/bad mean/kind its because he doesn't want to talk to you!

    paragraph 5- again being a little hard on him. he probably is confused as hell. I mean aren't you? this is not the time to be worrying about him you need to get your stuff together! hello homeless, no job, no education probably either! you have bigger concerns!

    trying to help..

    • Hey! First of all, thanks for replying, I really appreciate it!

      Paragraph 1) Yes, I may had myself fooled, but it was HIS words that fooled me. I was in love with him and with love comes trust. I had TRUST in him so although we fought, I always wanted to work towards being better. I never wanted to give up. From what he told me, he was on the same page so why should I have not believed that? I thought we had genuine love.

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    • Paragraph 4 (contin'd)- A simple text would have done it. Anyway, why should he have given me money? Well, he did accept full and complete financial responsibility with my move out there. He paid for me to get out there, so he could have paid for me to get back home. Was I supposed to live on the street when he breaks up with me? We got in this together, he should at least have the common decency to help me get out of it...all the decisions were made *together*.

    • Paragraph 5- Yes, I agree that he IS confused. He mentioned that to several people. I never, ever denied that he's not feeling crappy either. I'm sure he is. I just thought that from a moral and ethical point of view he would have acted a little different based on our situation. But yeah, I actually have a job now and moved back in with the parents. I'm moving on from him and don't plan on contacting him. Again, thanks for your reply, I enjoy hearing different points of views. It opens my mind :

  • Honey leave him alone. He has not only TOLD you that but also SHOWN you in many ways that he is not that guy for you. Do not feel bad for what have you done for your love, it was the urge from the heart, you are a good woman. That shows that when the REAL right man comes into your life, you will be an affectionate and good woman to him. Just wait until he arrives. Do not feel guilty or stupid, everybody has failed relationships that teach them about life. You will be grateful when the right one comes along.

  • One I'm so sorry for what happened with you to,you should move on .Because he hurt you so much .So I think he moved on and if he did it's time for you to move on.

  • he doesn't deserve you, he's an ass.

  • never move for someone again! That was a mistake. See what happens when you break up? You are not only jobless, your hear is broken and now you are probably feel bad cause everything went down hill. I think the only time to move is when there is a commitment and maybe a ring involved? I get that a ring does not bring any guarantees. It sucks being in your shoes, I have been there. Give hims space and time. If he comes back then he wants you. If not, you need to start moving on. You have to get up and look for a job and continue with your life. Think about this. What if you had a kid with him? That would suck even more cause now you are stuck being a single parent. Good luck!

    • See? Wtf... Why do women consider going back to someone who doesn't want them. As the QA pointed out - the guy was a jackass who didn't even check on her and/or helped more with the money. I was stating that he didn't have to call or help at all.. But your saying she should wait and see if he does care? let's stop confusing this girl and just close the case - he's a jerk and a jackass, like all men aparently. The nice guys that women would "never date" wouldn't dare treat someone like this.

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    • I am so sorry! I was not trying to confuse her. Sometimes, people make mistakes and are man enough to admit it. That does not mean she should take him back or anything. That was all I was trying to say. Sorry if I confused you BUBBLELADY..... He is a jerk and all of the above.

    • Oh no worries at all!! :-) I def know what you meant, thanks for your advice!!! :)