Do you think it is important to live with someone before deciding to get married?

Do you think it is important to live with someone before deciding to get married?

  • Yes important to live together first
    Vote A
  • Not so important
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Important. Sometimes works with not living together first. So difficult :(

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE

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What Guys Said 107

  • Yes, but drop the marriage part. My girlfriend and I have lived together for ten years and have three children. We have no desire to be married and we have a deeper and more meaningful relationship than most married couples we've met.

    For those who see marriage as a religious sacrament, we have nothing but respect. Otherwise, at this point, it has become meaningless. It starts with a wedding that is nothing but a pretty - and very expensive - little show put on like a Hollywood production more than a meaningful expression of love.

    As a legal matter, with the advent of "no fault divorce" marriage has become the only "contract" that government will not enforce. In any case, marriage licenses are handed out like candy. The notion that it means something is laughable. Show up, pay the fee, it's all yours. You can almost marry your cat if you want to.

    Truth is, if you need a marriage license - a permission slip from the state - to make your love binding and deep, your marriage probably won't last, except perhaps in a state of mutual misery. Once upon a time it legally protected the happy couple - especially women. Now no longer.

    My girlfriend means more to me than anything. I wake up next to her in the morning and wonder what I ever did to deserve someone so loving, so beautiful and so sexy in my life. I could not imagine a day without her and I can honestly say that no thought terrifies me more than the idea that I might lose her.

    What we have is natural and beautiful at an almost elemental level and the notion that a piece of paper from the state could give it more meaning is laughable. It really is too bad, I guess. I grant that maybe society needs some legal mechanism to reinforce commitment, but on an individual level, if that piece of paper is all that necessary for you, then you probably should not be getting married anyhow.

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  • If you're planning to devote your life to someone, it'd be best to understand who your significant other/partner is in everything they do. This would include behavior patterns, their life routine, what they do in their spare time and such. The longer you live with someone, the more comfortable you'll be in understanding who your significant other/partner is as a person and deciding if you want to marry them one day or move on to another person.

    Far too often do people rush into marriage without adapting to their significant other/partner's lifestyle and result in divorces or a terrible marriage from not understanding each other's needs and wants beforehand. You could have bonding time with your significant other/partner outside of living with each other but you won't gain as much as knowledge from this as opposed to actually living with them. In my opinion, I'd recommend at least 3 years of living with someone before making the decision to get married to them. This would be enough time to see your significant other/partner's true colors and figure out if you can spend a lifetime with them or not.

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  • I personally feel that living with a long-time partner prior to getting married is a bad idea because studies have shown that cohabitating couples have a higher rate of divorce compared to couples who wait until after being married to move in together.

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  • I'm a little shocked that only 75% said yes. Seriously, people I'm all for optimism but it's a lot different from visiting each other and living together 24/7. You definitely need to see what it's like for a bit first.

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  • I look at it from two perspectives.

    1. Statistically speaking people who don't live together before marriage are more likely to stay together. Blah blah blah correlation doesn't equal causation... if moving in beforehand really mattered, then the numbers would at least be similar for couples that didn't move in first. So there's something to be said for that.

    2. I don't see what you stand to gain (in terms of the relationship) by moving in before marriage. I assume the premise is you can "test" the waters of marriage, before marriage. But it's not marriage and you both have no vested interest in making it work other than you hope it goes well. So it's really not the same thing from the start. You learn their morning routine which is irrelevant to your relationship. Most of what you stand to learn about them you could merely learn by spending time with them over months and months, without moving in. So other than having a cuddy buddy and sharing rent (cohabiting because it's cheaper and more comfortable) I don't see the importance of it, before marriage.

    I actually have nothing against it necessarily, but I do feel there is a reason cohabitation tends to lead to divorce. Not worth the risk in my opinion considering the question in mind is talking about a relationship that is meant to be till death. Can't wait a few months or a year or two, to move in with the partner you'll spend the rest of your life with? Okay lol. I get it from the girls perspective, because in the minds of most women having sex and moving in first can be stepping stones towards marriage, which is the end goal for many women. But for guys? Meh

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    • I also think of people I know who got married and who are still together. The only marriages that are still ongoing are people who waited before moving in together. I can think of 3 couples I knew personally that moved in first and are now divorced. Perhaps people more likely to move in first is a sign of a compulsive trait and that's the more important factor in why it tends to not last. But I really don't know. It's just a trend that leads me to believe that it's a better idea not to move in first.

  • While living with someone might give you a slightly better idea about who they are as a person, it's still not the best way to get to know them. The best way to truly know who they are is to ask them many deep-personal questions about their core values. Can't really get these kinds of answers by living with someone, only learn about annoying habits that they have.

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  • I sure think its important... but i would also like it keeping suspense. Arrange marriage are better that love marriage, because they have whole life to know each other and have spicyness in life.

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    • Interesting. You will have arrange marriage?

    • I dont wanna marry😂... but you know how parents are, if they force i'll have to. Though it won't be love marriage.

  • If you are from differnt places and cultures you should live togeher to assess how difficult it will be to adjust to sharing everything!

    But if you have known each other for a long time and have similar cultural backgrounds, it’s not necessary...

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  • It depends on circumstances and timing.

    It is perfectly fine to not move in together until you are actually married, and it is also fine to move in before you even talk about getting married.

    If you live far away, one of you will have to uproot her life, so it may not be something you want to do until there is a ring.

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  • It is probably better to know if you like playing house before it becomes a job. The problem always with living together is it is fine with me but the girlfriend all of a sudden makes an ultimatum to get married and that is when I or she leaves.

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  • 100%! There are so many things you won't know about someone until you live with them... including whether or not the two of you are actually capable of living together. That would be a pretty big strain on the relationship if you're already married when you discover that living together is going to be a problem.

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  • yes i think so... sort of the try before you buy idea. it's a valuable experience to find out compatibility and learn how to coexist and resolve issues that arise

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  • Its not the same !! nowdays we live a desposible life style. real talk when everything all goochie its gravy but the hard times is what adds the fiber and cement in relationship my opion it needs be lot harder get divorced

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  • Everybody ows a different set of belief. So of course you are going to get very opposite and varying answers. In MY book, living together means a physical relationship and that is a sin. So a question of living together to get to know the other is automatically discouraged and prohibited.

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  • Adolf Hitler had the right idea about marriage, married Eva Braun,24 houses latter, shoots himself in the head, that way you get the good part of the marriage when it's all new and you're still in love, but, he avoided the bad part, living together day in, day out year after year after miserable year.

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  • I definitely thinks a great idea you need to see if you can live together I've know people that were great together then they got married and moved in together and they couldn't get along at all living in the same house.

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  • Yea it's important but no need of staying whole day and night you can go with him to any peaceful place and share your thoughts, habits so that we can know each other very well some people habits don't match with us so we can't stay with them if it is irritating u can leave him before marriage..

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  • Yes I do think it is important. In a way, it is a sort of test to see if you'll be compatible.

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  • By "live together" people usually mean explore long term sex, see how you split chores, and see if you get tired of each other.

    All you REALLY need to do is share the same values. If the sex sucks, then you've still got a million other romantic things you could do.

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  • Absolutely it is. If you don't know how the dynamic of the relationship shanges when you live together, you're essentially going in blind, and that's just dangerous and irresponsible.

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What Girls Said 59

  • I don't think so.

    I can see why some people would feel this way.. It apparently gives you a preview of what marriage would be like , and I'm sure we've all heard the saying "you never really know someone till you live with them" so it makes sense that some would see this as an important "test run"

    But I think that this creates the false notion that in order for a marriage to be successful, you have to be prepared for anything by having a taste of everything beforehand. That is impossible, you can never have a preview of everything. Life can't be predicted and new circumstances can and will come up at any point. You need to be so committed to making it work that you are prepared to face and work through the unknown together.

    So I don't think there's anything bad about living together before marriage, but it shouldn't be considered a test drive that you can rely on to see whether your marriage will be successful or not.
    I know people that have lived together for years, then got married and separated within 2-3 years.
    I also know people that have had arranged marriages - barely knew each other beforehand- but lived happily married for over 25 years.

    The point is, living together or how long you know one another isn't what will determine if a marriage will last, commitment to making it work no matter what from both sides is.

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  • Yep you don't see their true colours until you live with them.
    All that wasted time dating ugh, you're better off moving in together straight away to get a feel for each other (but obv that doesn't work in the real world, i'm just saying it would save so much time lol)

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  • I don't think so... It would be good to know how that would work... but it may be the thing to pull your apart - especially if you have a short fuse and/or if you're not that committed yet.
    Some people are better off committing long-term, i. e., getting married, and then moving in together.
    Then they're A LOT more motivated to settle their differences and compromising - since it's in both of their best interest.

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  • You never truly know someone until you live together. Even outside of romantic relationships, a lot of friends who room together in college end up hating each other after a while, because the small traits that don't annoy you when you only see each other for a few hours at a time are magnified when you live with them.

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  • It is quite important. The more you know about your partner, the more informed your decision will be when you agree to get married. I wouldn't want to marry someone without having lived with them first. It's a definite must for me.

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  • It's very important. You gotta get to know their habits and all that, which you couldn't without living together. For example now that I'm living with my family I wash the dishes after every meal, but when I create my own family, I wouldn't like doing that and I'd like to share the work in the household. You gotta know whether you and your partner are compatible on that level or else your house might get some negative energy

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  • YES!! bc there's nothing worse than saying I do and then you realizing you just married someone with bad habits that you can't stand! - specialy if your partner is useless in not supporting you in your goals of your life... or the other way around too... not just males, it goes for some girls too. Enjoy life.

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  • Absolutely, so you can know each other within four walls. When you don't live together you tend to show your best sides when you see each other, and I think it's important to see each others bad sides or insecurities.

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  • Yes. It’s a good test run on what it will be like for as long as you’re together, plus you might hate it or break up and I’m sure you’d be happier having that happen while living together first. then getting married first

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  • Yes. Yes. Yes.
    My SO and I have been together for a little over a year and we move in with each other a month after dating (for some people this is way too early). However, I think it allowed us to grow very close and comfortable with one another. It also allowed us to see habits and characteristics in one another that I think we would not have seen until much later in our relationship. You have to know if the person you're going to marry is someone you can actually live with.

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  • You never Know Anyone, hun, Until You live with them. xx

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  • Absolutely. When you live with someone is when you really get to know them. They may be a great person in a relationship but then you move in and they may have certain behaviors that you don't like or can't get past.

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  • Yes it's required. It's different when you know a person's habits at home. Plus I'm a person who might be difficult to stay with as I have ocd so I need to know whether the other party is comfortable living with me hahaha.

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  • Considering hiw high the divorce rates are for those have lived together before marriage id say no its not important

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  • I think it's so important. How messy or clean are they? What drives them crazy? How is sex after a month or two together? lol these questions must be answered

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  • It really doesn't make a difference. For real.. someone can live with you for years without showing their real colors. What makes or breaks a relationship is honesty. Not living acommodations

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  • I think it's incredibly important to live with someone before. Living with someone exposes all their little private habits. Some of which might be deal breakers for you.

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  • It's like test driving a really expensive car that you've saved up for years for you wouldn't just part with the cash without making sure it feels right and works for you x

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  • No I will just put my faith in God and hope the person I am with is somebody I will enjoy being with.

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  • Yes. So important to live with them first. I’ve been with my partner for three years, have been living together for 2 of them and I’ve found out that he is super lazy and will never do anything around the house at all.

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