He said you deserve better...for months. Why?

For months we talked about the future, marriage, family, and then finally I wanted to take a break when he wouldn't commit. He was depressed throughout the relationship and finally said he loved me but isn't in love with me. The whole time he said I deserved better, and yet he stayed for months. I've read that this means he wanted to break up, but he stayed. Why didn't he just break things off completely? He wanted to stay friends and we tried for three months...I'm so confused:(


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  • Your confusion is completely understandable! If he didn't want to be with you he should have cowboyed up and sat you down and told you.

    But... at the same time he did say that he loved you but wasn't in love with you, right? Well think about that for a second. I mean you have people in your life that you love but are not in love with right? Well how does the idea of you hurting them make you feel? It stinks doesn't it.

    In all honesty he probably was just giving himself time to see if deeper feelings could develope. And his wanting to remain friends was an attempt to keep you in his life. Some people might disagree but I think that is a very selfish thing to do to someone, esecially at first after a breakup.

    Honey it is now time to put him aside. You need to give yourself time to heal and get over him. Your biggest concern now is moving on with your life. Now here comes the hard part...you need to cut off all contact with him. Seeing him and being around him is only going to hurt you more right now. If he calls you ignore him, if he comes around act like you don't know him etc etc.

    Now after you take enough time to get over things and are able to look at the situation with your head and not your heart, when you are able to put emotions aside...then, you are able to think about trying to be his friend. This is also a decision that you need to think long and hard about. (yes time is really the key behind all things in getting over a breakup)

    After all of this and you have given it enough thought and have made your decision on whether or not you can be his friend, then you call him. The first conversation needs to be short sweet and to the point. You simply call him and say:

    "I just wanted to call and let you know that I was not ignoring you to be mean or spiteful to you in any way. I just needed time to move on with my life and get over the disappointment that our breakup caused. Ihope that you are doing well have a nice day and take care."

    Now after this you have put the ball back into his court. If he calls you after this then you can begin to try to start a friendship again and talk about the breakup. If he doesn't call then at least you know that you did the best thing for yourself and have peace of mind in knowing that you called him and made ammends with things.

    • thanks. you're right, and I've moved on...i just have some hard moments now and then. it's more confusing because for the first few months we said I love you all the time, and then he said his feelings changed...i just don't know how someone can feel differently. he was really inconsistent about a lot of things. I don't think it was love on his part to begin with...

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