Is Patience a Virtue or a Fool?

So, the guy I have been with for the past 3 months is working on his PhD 4 hours away. We always have fun together, drive on weekends to see one another, and would text/email/talk on the phone every day...until recently. For the past two weeks, he seems too busy to even answer a text. Occasionally, I can get a hold of him, and every once in a while he may respond to an email. Talking on the phone has only happened twice for 15 minutes a piece (used to talk for at least 30 min up to 3 hrs). I just don't know what to do. He said he was sorry and that he is really busy, (semester wrapping up before break and has multiple presentations coming up), and is trying to get some work done to earn some cash- on the side. I am trying to be patient, but I don't get why he can't just text a "hi" or "I'm thinking about you", so I don't feel like he isn't just ignoring me.

For instance, last night I text him to see if he thought things were going well and if we could talk. No pressure, just wanted to know if I should stay up so we could make it work. Absolutely nothing back. I still haven't gotten a response and it is the next morning.

Two weeks before, when he was visiting, he was texting this other girl a lot. He didn't admit it to me, but I saw her name on the screen while he was texting. She is engaged, so I shouldn't even think anything is going on. (I also feel bad for even thinking this). However, it feels like maybe he doesn't want to be the bad guy and wants me to end it? Or am I just feeling lonely because he has been so busy? I don't want to seem needy or give him a hard time when he is really trying to concentrate on getting his work done. I guess I just don't get why he can't just say something sweet to me, to let me know he still cares (although he is busy and can't talk).

He is coming to see me in 1.5 weeks (when all this craziness/semester goes on hiatus). Also, he did tell me he missed me, but I had to ask him flat out if he did.

So, my patience a virtue and I should just give him the space he needs to do what he needs to do for this semester, or is patience a fool and I should just wake up and smell the coffee to the fact he doesn't want to be with me anymore?


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What Guys Said 1

  • The virtue is understanding the situation and allocating a suitable time period for you to make the best of the situation. It's all down to you but waiting for someone for extended periods has the obvious risk you'll have to accept.


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