I can't get over this guy?

In August, 2010, I met a great guy. He was so sweet, took me out all the time, brought me flowers, called me all the time, and we quickly became inseparable. Two months later, he proposed, I said, "Yes", he moved in, and we were so happy. Shortly afterward, my prescription pain pills came up missing. I began to wonder why he had to take 4 Lunesta, plus another sleeping pill, just to go to sleep at night. A few times, when he came home with groceries, they were the same ones he'd bought the last time, and he seemed really jittery. I knew something bad was going on. I broke up with him February 16th, and he didn't try to stay. I let him know in a subtle way that I knew about his habit. He used to say things like, "Do you love me more than you've ever loved anyone?" ..."Am I the best you ever had?" "Please don't ever make me leave." "If I died tonight, would you miss miss me tomorrow?" I can't get him out of my head. Did he really love me? Or was I a complete fool? Does he miss me? Does he ever think about me? I miss him so bad, but I can't live like that. My depression is overcoming me.

When I met his family, they were unusually quiet. Around Valentine's Day, I found out that he wasn't even divorced from his previous wife, who lives in another state. He woke me up to ask my PIN #, but I didn't tell him. He said he was joking.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree - this is classic co-dependent behavior. There's a reason why there is an established hierarchy of casual dating > committed dating > engagement > marriage. If you give each stage a reasonable amount of time, you're going to find that most relationships won't survive either the first or second stage, and that's the whole point. You ended up WAY too deep WAY too early, and you're lucky things didn't get far worse than they were.

    Do some self-examination and try to figure out why you thought it was a good idea to move that quickly with someone you clearly didn't know very well, and learn from that experience for next time.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Proposal in 2 months from meeting? Sounds like it went very fast. That's the first red flag. Then of course the incredible intensity and neediness so fast. All very in line with an addictive personality. And the fact that you actually didn't catch the red flags, but lost yourself so quickly too, raises questions about your own neediness and issues. The entire situation sounds incredibly unhealthy.

    If you are intensely attracted like this to someone who is clearly an addictive person, you might consider where your own neediness came from. It usually goes back a long way, possibly to childhood issues. You could read some books about codependence and possibly seek a therapist. Odds are these feelings ultimately are not really about this guy, but about the issues he triggered to the surface for you.


What Girls Said 1

  • get over it. reread your post and realize the truth