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That last part of your explanation. Respecting duties and commitment... the problem is now people feel entitled to everything and everyone. There is no respect and no commitment anymore. Based off of people I’ve interacted with most of my life, I can honestly say I’m in the minority. If I’m in a relationship with someone, I’m only seeing them. If they injured or fall ill, I will stay by their side and support them, etc... people like that don’t exist anymore. People have short attention spans and the moment someone loses just a little interest, they move on to someone else without explanation or anything. Just cause they can. There’s 7 billion people in the world after all.
i think the estate tends to protect only one spouse and not the other and that's definitely a part of the problem. men don't get the feeling they have any chance in a divorce court even if they haven't done anything wrong. i don't want to rant but it's obvious men don't feel like they're being treated equally because the terms of this contract is not the same for the two parties
i don't think men have anything against the basic meaning of marriage. i think they have begun to acknowledge the risks and marriage doesn't sound logical to a number of them anymore
why not just sign a prenup? If you love someone badly enough , you would want to marry them. If not, someone will snatch them away easily
Prenups, while mostly solid, can be argued against and thrown out by the judge at time of divorce. www.forbes.com/.../#3c6a82f19a50(This link is from 2013. A more recent source would be more useful.)
@Boppy You also need to understand that marriage is more than just about emotional enjoyment. Its also about having family by your side during the day you die. It is about raising your children in a happy family nest where they can be more emotionally healthy and successful in life. If passion is what you base marriage entirely on, it won't last. Survival of marriage is more about commitment than passion. If you worry more about your money than family or love, marriage is not for you. Give up on it.
I don't think many men would mind taking a risk. Lots of men love gambling but i personally don't like the fact that men and women are not held equally responsible especially in divorce courts. And boppy's right prenups don't mean anything. I think if a woman ruins the marriage she should be held accountable not the man but things don't work like that.
It all boils down to commitment, not passion. You stay together not because you enjoy being with ecah other. You stick together just to be there for each other. If you're married only due to enjoyment, trust me, your marriage will not last. So don't go crying if you lose half your wealth to your spouse. Plus, men also make more money than women. W
Generally, men make way more money than women. And its usually the woman who has to support the kids after the divorce. So it does actually make sense for women to get half of your wealth.
first off men do not make more money than women. if a woman decides not to work long hours after she get married that's her decision and she should be the one facing the consequences. and women have to raise the kids after divorce only because they don't let fathers get the custody. again a woman's decision! 60% of the divorces are filed by women so it's not like men do not respect that commitment. most of the time it's women who do that. that's just statistics.
Men do make more money than women. Men tend to work in science and math fields which give higher salaries than women. In certain male dominated fields, its much more difficult for a woman to get hired, and get promoted compared to their male counter parts. Women are much more likely to support children because mothers tend to be more attached to children than fathers.
my god! these days it's easier for women to get into STEM because universities and companies are desperate to have women and meet their quotas. anyway we can never generalize. most of the high paying jobs are held by men but that doesn't mean the average man earns more than women and again it's not a man's fault that women make shitty career choices. women are more attached to their children? like that mentally ill mother who got her son killed even though the father warned the judge not to give her the custody?
Its easier for women to get in. why? its because women are almost non existent within these fields. You chose to completely ignore the fact that men are naturally better at math and science while women are better at language and communication. Management tends to be male dominated too. Meaning most head of departments or top supervisors tend to be men.Women dont make shitty career decisions. Men and women are different and have different talents. We pick our fields based on our skills. And yes, women do tend to be more attached to their children. Women are much more likely to care for their kids than fathers. Fathers are less likely to care for their kids compared to mothers. It is the way nature designed it to be.
I'm not stingy for believing people can have legitimate fears of living in poverty due to divorce. Only one partner needs to choose divorce, and the partner's commitment is cast aside, unless it's mutual.I don't know what I'll do because frankly I've never been in a relationship before. Growing up, I've seen a lot of people stay happily married, and a lot of divorces. I think I'd want to try living together for a long while and make it through some tougher arguments before deciding if we're better together...Your perspective reminds me of that in The Little Prince, and I think you may like it:“As yet you are nothing. No onehas tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I firstknew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I havemade him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world.”
@Boppy Divorce was much less common back then when marraiges were arrianged. These marraiges were not based on passion. Since then, our marriage ideals have shifted from commitment to passion. We get married for emotional enjoyment, not for the sake of being there for each other, which explains why divorce rates are mega high. Passion does not last forever. You might fall in and out of love a few times in the marriage. Your spouse might be nasty to you at times but you chose to make things work and stick together just to be there for each other. Compatibility and commitment is much more important to marriage than passion. Your marriage will only survive if you're willing to deal with falling in and out of love, nasty nights just to be there for each other. Otherwise, just forget it.
I agree with much of what you're saying, but I think there should be 'outs' for relationships that don't work out. In your latest message, I notice you mentioned compatibility as well. I think this is necessary, as committing super hard to be with someone you don't find worthwhile (or maybe with communication issues like no shared language, probably easier for that to happen in an arranged marriage than in dating.) may lead to a long sadness. I have an anecdote for that, too. Just last year a friend of mine told me that his parents just split up. They got married, had some kids, realized they weren't a good fit after around 5 years, and agreed to plan a divorce but keep it secret until all the kids were in college. Now my friend is wondering how many happy family times were faked in order to try and raise him right. Another issue is abuse, which I can't say how that affected my life but the ability to divorce from an abusive spouse and remarry is a big positive in my eyes. Overall, I agree with most of your perspective. Passion and romance will not always be there, and spite and breakdown in communication are likely to happen and need rebuilding, and it seems a lot of people give up too easily. In the situation where divorces are easy and occur in near half of marriages, I think it'd be best to be in a committed relationship for like 5 years and/or a few trying times before I consider marriage. Your mention of arranged marriages is interesting. I don't know much about them but they seem in some ways cold and in others optimistic...
i find that weird because i thought most women wanted to marry by their mid or late 20's and have a child by the time they get to 30. i kind of find it hard to believe that a woman in her 30's would rather explore the world than having her own family and i'm not saying which one is better than the other but i always got a different impression from women but that could be because of cultural differences between the women that i know and the ones you know
They are not from the usa then..
@Shellyworld We are from the USA! Pennsylvania.
I'm from PA too. Must not be on the East side of the state then
Okay I see
how so? i mean lots of millennial men are single and i don't think that's because they're undesirable. i assume 20 year old men are even less interested in these stuff. you see articles being published everyday shaming men for not being good enough and not being reliable and desirable enough for women to marry them but ultimately all of those articles point out that men and women are not getting married and again it's impossible for all those men not to be good enough. and also movements like MGTOW is getting more and more popular. sure people are still getting married but i'm comparing today's men with those of 40's and 50's and men today are definitely less interested in marriage
I've worked with a lot of guys in their 40's and 50's who had never been married, and didn't seem much interested in it. No they weren't gay.