My girlfriend and I have been together for over 4 years and there were a couple of informal conversations about marriage. Lately, she has been sending me pics of engagement rings. I knew that we would be making the next step at some point so I can take the hint that this is what she's asking for.

However, she has this idea that about 3 months salary is to spent on a ring, which, I believe, is a total marketing scheme put out there by jewelers to gouge the customer. We're talking about 15,000 dollars, which is a good down-payment for a house rather than a piece of rock and metal to be worn on a finger.

I know all about the 4 C's of diamond hunting and know that I can get a very nice ring for a much lower amount (about 4 to 5000). Most people can't tell a good diamond from a bad one even with a magnifying glass. I won't lie to her and tell her I spent more AND she wants to pick it out anyway.

We have always been compromising with most matters but both of us have stood our ground on some things. Obviously, the type of ring is important to her and not so much with me. So there's the problem. We have found an uncompromising situation that could be a total deal breaker. What to do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I would tell her that right now, financially speaking, it wouldn't be very smart to spend such a ridiculous amount of money on a ring, especially if you can find a one that is just as beautiful at a lower price. The ring is not the most important part, the marriage is, and if she can't get with you as far as money is concerned right now, it might get uglier into the future.

    my suggestion to you is for you to look at all the rings she has shown you and find what's in common with them. is it platinum? gold? is the stone square or pear shape? take this information, find a ring at the lower price (a couple of options) and let her choose from your selection or look at a particular place you're interested in. that way, she still gets to pick a ring she wants and you don't have to kill yourself paying for it.

    also, give her some bit of a stretch. you want to spend 5,000 or less, but if there's a ring she loves for almost 6 or 7, if you can try and make it work, don't completely disregard it. you don't have to tell her you're loosening up tho, you don't want her to take advantage of it or anything.

    good luck and make sure you're not just marrying her because she's emailing you pictures of rings. really sit down and discuss things before getting engage, especially finances and moving and all that other good stuff. good luck with everything!

    • We're actually down to 7000 right now. I'm not going to push it anymore because I do want her to have one that she loves. SOLD :)

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What Girls Said 4

  • Id tell her I love you I do wanna get you a nice ring but I also wanna get you a nice dress a nice wedding and honeymoon ex doing that and not going into duet is the best chance for are fucher, so you'll get a nice ring something any one would love to have but get 3 months of pay out of your head. Then go get her a ring that's real, like 1 to 2 carts in whit gold not platuim that clear and very little wrong with the diamond >.It should only be 4-7 G's

    • You do realize that a 2 carat diamond that's clear and near flawless is about $20 to 25,000.00 dollars? A same quality 1 carat is about $8 to10,000.00. Thanks anyway.

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    • We have one picked but does Kays have a website?

  • Is she more interested in the size of the ring or the quality of the ring for that price? I agree that you could spend a ton less and get something beautiful but still great quality and a good size. I actually was involved in picking out my ring as well and wanted a certain cut which cost more so I had no problem paying for part of the ring. If she feels you should pay for ring, then you should be able to pick the one you think is special and that is a bit more resonable in price. You'll still be getting her something you know she'll like seeing as she's given you pictures.

    If this situation could be a 'total deal breaker' then I'm afraid you'll have someone that wants to be spoiled financially and there is more to life than that. If she's ready for a ring it should be because she loves you so much and the ring should be secondary.

    • Deal breaker was too strong a wording on my part and used only jokingly. We have reached an agreement. Thanks for the answer.

  • a ring feels like you are telling the world how much you love her...

    but a mature woman knows better and would prefer the down payment for the house.

    She should be a part of the budget and the bills and then she can decide to wait for that ring, for as long as it takes to comfortably save for it or give up the idea...

  • Don't let her pick out the ring. Rather, take her ring shopping and get an idea on what she's looking for. Pay VERY close attention to wht she says/does. You may want to go to the jeweler beforehand and let them know that you need help finding a ring similar to the one(s) she like but in a more affordable price range.

    I agree with you that 3 months salary is too much to spend on a ring. The ring should be symbolic of the relationship (where's it's been & where's it's going), and not on the number of dollar signs. Plus, if she wants $15,000 on this ring, how much is she going to want spent on the actual wedding ring?

    Stand your ground. She should realize that the ring means nothing in comparison to the love you all have for each other. It's just a symbol, something physical. Why not use the extra money building up other aspects of your life together?

    • I have paid very close attention to every suggestion and picture and have sent her pics of rings that I have found. She always manages to find something wrong with my choices.

      I can't not let her pick it out; she has said that she wants to. And, my track record for picking out things that she likes hasn't been good :) Hey, would you want your dad buying your clothes?

What Guys Said 2

  • I think the 3 months salary was a guideline for people not making the money you are. I understand not wanting to pay 15,000. I mean if its all about the ring is the deal breaker you two may want to reevaluate your relationship. I personally think she should be the one to compromise. This has to be tough for you and I don't envy your situation. Maybe whenever she sends you a ring send her one back that looks similar but is way cheaper.

    • Also, I have always heard the rule of 2 paychecks not three...

    • I haven't heard of the 2 paychecks saying, but that's right where I want to spend.

      BTW, deal breaker was probably too strong a statement. I want her to have a ring she loves and the ones that she loves are in the 15,000 range; which I don't love.

  • 4 to 5 thousand for a ring?! gosh I'd be happy if my boyfriend spent more than $100 on a ring for me. He never has any money and when he does he spends it on video games -_-

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