Should I live with my boyfriend?

Question

My boyfriend is wonderful and loving, but I don’t know what to do. We have been dating for 7 months, and things are going well. Since day one he’s said that he wants to marry me. I thought if things continued he would marry me before we leave for a big university (also, we’re both 21). Even his mom asked if he was proposing soon since it’s all he talks about with most people. I don’t expect a proposal now. However, he wants us to just live together next year, and I don’t want to live with someone before marriage. I already gave him my virginity as a devout Christian, and I feel like he’s asking me to compromise too much of myself. He wants to save up money for a big wedding, but we both don’t even make enough money to live, so that will never happen. I’m okay with no wedding, and I’ve told him this. Should I just break up with him once it comes time to transfer in about a year and a half?

Answer 1

EllieEmma99

Xper 4

The fact you have considered breaking up with him over this, shows a concern as the first thing a good couple should do if they feel there is a problem is talk about it...
Be honest if you are uncomfortable living with him if you aren't married. And if you aren't bothered about a proposal yet, maybe it would be best if you didn't live together yet as this is something you value.
There is nothing wrong with living with someone pre marriage generally, especially these days, but it is not right for everyone. You should never be uncomfortable with things like this in a relationship.
If you like this guy, think about what you want from this relationship... do you see a future in it... if so then talk to him saying that you are uncomfortable and being married before living together is something you value... if you aren't bothered with a big wedding, maybe just getting married in the community centre would be enough for you... these are things you should think about then talk to him about what you want...
Maybe you both want diffrent things, you both might be on similar pages for what you want etc. but you dont know that unless you ask...
:)

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Answer 2

Goforit1010 | 167 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Guru

I HIGHLY discourage living together before marriage. You can read Q after Q on this forum alone, where the couple lives together, they're not married, he (or she) has cheated or they've broken up and can't move out until the lease is up. I've read stories where one of them is stuck paying the rent or worse, the mortgage while the other person has left.

Living together takes away from the time you'll spend getting to know each other. It removes that time where you and him get to look for a place as husband and wife and decide together. During that time, you develop a closeness while at the same time learn how to compromise with each other. In other words, you learn HOW to argue with each other. Sure... it's a test to discover just how strong your marriage is. With each situation like that, you strengthen it. Living together ahead of time, diminishes and cheapens that experience.

Don't listen to the argument that the 2 of you can liver cheaper than one. While it's true that 2 people pay more separately than 2 together do, there's a LOT more to just "living" together. When you just live together, there's still zero commitment to each other. Married... that's different. Just up and leaving doesn't happen so easy. You're somewhat forced to deal with each other's differences.

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1 Person

Answer 3

Psychoanalytical

Xper 5

I believe you should wait until you both get married. Unless he is avoiding marriage and using "Big Wedding" as an excuse, if that's the case, then all he wants is sexual pleasure, and once he gets what he wants, he will break up and find someone else.

Don't let him control you. You say you are a devout Christian, your relationship with God is far more important, and a good man will respect this and support you in your pursuit, not pressure you to give up your values.

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1 Person

Answer 4

Paris13 | 662 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Master

Put down your foot to this One, hun. Don't enable this "Moving in" before Marriage if it is Not right for you. You have already Broke your own Virginity Vows. Perhaps with This, You may also Break your own Wedding Bliss. Tell him "NO." I don't Say Throw in the Rag but One day, Hopefully Toss the Bouquet someone else's Way Who Will Marry like you Did... xx

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1 Person

Paris13

1 y
Thanks to Gag. xx

Answer 5

Paris13

Thanks to Gag. xx

Answer 6

Anonymous

Not to be rude but How can you love someone in 7 months? I mean you clearly have no clue you are asking us if you should break up with him. Anything can happen he goes to that university meets new girls and forgets all about you and I do not mean it in a rude way. Something can happen to you at the University you can meets a lot of new guys and you will forget all about him. Marriage is a serious commitment I mean my friends that had got engaged and married dated for over 5 years.

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Answer 7

Dave31989

Yoda

no

unmarried couples should not live together

this isn't the 90's

besides not only are you too young to be living with him... you're too young to be having a serious boyfriend... you should be dating, playing the field, not tied down

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Imaprincess2000

1 y
People ur age r so extra and boring. Lots of people live together now a days with marriage.
Dave31989

1 y
doesn't make it right

people your age, are fucking up in the head
EllieEmma99

1 y
You are fucked in the head if you are more focused on "playing the field"
Show All Show Less
Imaprincess2000

1 y
I am so tired people ur age treating us like kids we r adults.
Dave31989

1 y
18-24. adult?

come back when you're 30
Alwayreckles93

1 y
Dave31989 I agree with you. With all respect I am not pushing my religion on to any one but I believe myself as a Christian it is highly important to get married first then live together. These young girls have no respect for no one. If our parents saw us acting like these two girls we be in serious trouble.
Dave31989

1 y
they're trying to have their cake and eat it too

and it doesn't WORK THAT WAY
Alwayreckles93

1 y
@EllieEmma99 First of all that is no way to speak to an adult after all he is older then you and you need to show some respect. This is why no one takes you kids serious. I am 27 and if a 40 year old tells me something I keep my mouth shut and give respect after all they been longer on this planet then us.
Alwayreckles93

1 y
Dave31989 I can tell,
EllieEmma99

1 y
@Alwayreckles93 ... yes, clearly because someone is older that deserve respect... it is earned no matter someone's age... if a 40 year old told me to shut up, I would tell them where they could stick it and carry on with my day. I give respect to those know have earned it... after all age does not equate to wisdom as some may think
EllieEmma99

1 y
@Alwayreckles93 also, it kind of shows you have no respect for yourself if at 27 you are willing to do what anyone older tells you without a level of critical thinking and considering whether what you have been asked to do is right... I'm 4 years younger and clearly I have more understanding of the world than you when it comes to self respect
Dave31989

1 y
you two have no idea what you're talking about hun. GET OVER IT
Alwayreckles93

1 y
@EllieEmma99 You have just proved to me you have a lot of growing up to do the world does not work like that. You are showing me how much of a spoiled brat you are. I do have respect for myself unlike females your age having multiple sex partners bouncing from man to man no offence. It seems like you still don't have any good understand. Let me put it this way , If I am buying a house I would go for a advice to a 35 year old and over not a clues 20-something year old. Believe a 40 year old has more life experience and wisdom then both of us. Form the way you are expressing yourself you are proving to us that you still act like a immature spoiled entitled brat. Plus people your age should not be living together do it when you are 30.
Dave31989

1 y
You have to be 35 to be president, regardless of how "smart" or whatever you think an "adult" is. The point is, your age, is not adult, and you do not have the type of knowledge we do
Alwayreckles93

1 y
Dave31989 You are absolutely right, She says she has a better understanding in this world about respect when she can't even respect her older folks.
Dave31989

1 y
exactly
EllieEmma99

1 y
@Alwayreckles93 XD you are hilarious XD You are talking to me about not having multiple sex partners, when my original issue was someone wanting to fuck around rather than be committed to someone... you should understand your argument before trying to be a smart ass XD
And yes, as I'm in my early 20s, I clearly sleep around, have no career and the investments I have dont exists... because in yours early twenties it is impossible to be committed to another individual for one, let alone have a career because clearly we are all too busy partying and getting drunk... no, I dont just listen to people because they are older, I listen if they have valid experiences that gives them the knowledge to help me with the issue... if you are just accepting what people say without verifying their resources is the problem with people generally...
Dave31989

1 y
hun, you sound like trump

you've lost

GIVE IT UP
EllieEmma99

1 y
@dave31989 have fun 'playing the field' while I continue to be a 'spoil brat' with 'no life experience' XD reading this shit has made my day, thank you XD
Dave31989

1 y
go ahead, make my day

Answer 8

Imaprincess2000

People ur age r so extra and boring. Lots of people live together now a days with marriage.

Answer 9

Dave31989

doesn't make it right

people your age, are fucking up in the head

Answer 10

EllieEmma99

You are fucked in the head if you are more focused on "playing the field"

Answer 11

Imaprincess2000

I am so tired people ur age treating us like kids we r adults.

Answer 12

Dave31989

18-24. adult?

come back when you're 30

Answer 13

Alwayreckles93

Dave31989 I agree with you. With all respect I am not pushing my religion on to any one but I believe myself as a Christian it is highly important to get married first then live together. These young girls have no respect for no one. If our parents saw us acting like these two girls we be in serious trouble.

Answer 14

Dave31989

they're trying to have their cake and eat it too

and it doesn't WORK THAT WAY

Answer 15

Alwayreckles93

@EllieEmma99 First of all that is no way to speak to an adult after all he is older then you and you need to show some respect. This is why no one takes you kids serious. I am 27 and if a 40 year old tells me something I keep my mouth shut and give respect after all they been longer on this planet then us.

Answer 16

Alwayreckles93

Dave31989 I can tell,

Answer 17

EllieEmma99

@Alwayreckles93 ... yes, clearly because someone is older that deserve respect... it is earned no matter someone's age... if a 40 year old told me to shut up, I would tell them where they could stick it and carry on with my day. I give respect to those know have earned it... after all age does not equate to wisdom as some may think

Answer 18

EllieEmma99

@Alwayreckles93 also, it kind of shows you have no respect for yourself if at 27 you are willing to do what anyone older tells you without a level of critical thinking and considering whether what you have been asked to do is right... I'm 4 years younger and clearly I have more understanding of the world than you when it comes to self respect

Answer 19

Dave31989

you two have no idea what you're talking about hun. GET OVER IT

Answer 20

Alwayreckles93

@EllieEmma99 You have just proved to me you have a lot of growing up to do the world does not work like that. You are showing me how much of a spoiled brat you are. I do have respect for myself unlike females your age having multiple sex partners bouncing from man to man no offence. It seems like you still don't have any good understand. Let me put it this way , If I am buying a house I would go for a advice to a 35 year old and over not a clues 20-something year old. Believe a 40 year old has more life experience and wisdom then both of us. Form the way you are expressing yourself you are proving to us that you still act like a immature spoiled entitled brat. Plus people your age should not be living together do it when you are 30.

Answer 21

Dave31989

You have to be 35 to be president, regardless of how "smart" or whatever you think an "adult" is. The point is, your age, is not adult, and you do not have the type of knowledge we do

Answer 22

Alwayreckles93

Dave31989 You are absolutely right, She says she has a better understanding in this world about respect when she can't even respect her older folks.

Answer 23

Dave31989

exactly

Answer 24

EllieEmma99

@Alwayreckles93 XD you are hilarious XD You are talking to me about not having multiple sex partners, when my original issue was someone wanting to fuck around rather than be committed to someone... you should understand your argument before trying to be a smart ass XD
And yes, as I'm in my early 20s, I clearly sleep around, have no career and the investments I have dont exists... because in yours early twenties it is impossible to be committed to another individual for one, let alone have a career because clearly we are all too busy partying and getting drunk... no, I dont just listen to people because they are older, I listen if they have valid experiences that gives them the knowledge to help me with the issue... if you are just accepting what people say without verifying their resources is the problem with people generally...

Answer 25

Dave31989

hun, you sound like trump

you've lost

GIVE IT UP

Answer 26

EllieEmma99

@dave31989 have fun 'playing the field' while I continue to be a 'spoil brat' with 'no life experience' XD reading this shit has made my day, thank you XD

Answer 27

Dave31989

go ahead, make my day

Answer 28

laurieluvsit

Master

Only after you have had, at least one, good knock-down drag-out fight with him first, so you will know who he really is and how he will treat you in times of adversity.

That's not something you want to do after you move in... just saying :)

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Imaprincess2000

1 y
She has dated her boyfriend for 7 months she knows him very well.

Answer 29

Imaprincess2000

She has dated her boyfriend for 7 months she knows him very well.

Answer 30

MikeTheBartender

Yoda

7 months isn't jack. Wait till at least a year. And if you do move in, no leases. No buying. Have an exit.

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Answer 31

gandolph3

Yoda

go ahead and do it, you will learn a lot about each and one may change their mind saving things in the long run

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Answer 32

Anonymous

This has nothing to do with piety. But did you really give your virginity to your lover? Did you tell this to your mother or family?

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Answer 33

In_Trance | 364 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Master

I don't think so it's a way too soon

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Answer 34

Anonymous

I bet he had to hit on you first

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Answer 35

Iron_Man | 888 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic.

Master

No Get married first

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