Should I stay or should I go?

I've been with my fiancée for almost 3 yrs. now. We've been engaged for almost 1yr. He has been married previously and has 2 kids. He wants more kids however, I feel as if he is stalling our marriage and the creation of new family. Why I think this: He has already moved our wedding date from one month to >undetermined at this timeHe is 9yrs older than me, and I feel as if he is just keeping me around. Is it time to give him the ultimatum?- Which he hates that btw… But I can’t keep living like this, not knowing if and when we are getting married, and I want to start planning on having a baby. I’m not getting any younger and I do have a great job, great insurance. I am ready?! How much longer should I wait? Or should I?... Guys?... Girls? … Thank you!


Most Helpful Girl

  • that's why I would never be with someone like him because he already been through all that and wouldn't want to be through it all again, while I want to. I think you really need to sit down with him and talk everything through. if you guys aren't on the same page, you need to leave him, not threaten to, but actually leave because if you guys want different things in life, and those are really important things you listed, then it couldn't work out in the long run

    • Ture to the point! Just because he has been hurt before doesn't mean that he has the right to keep me around. He should also consider what is fair for me. And if someone is 'scarred' because of their previous relationship, maybe they shouldn't get involved with anyone until they're ready to commit again!

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What Girls Said 3

  • If you are happy with him (other than the delays) I would stay with him. You should let him know that his actions are hurting you, but do it from a place of being wounded and needing him to be your protector, instead of going for his blood.

    He should know that his choices are affecting you. He might have good reasons for wanting to delay the marriage: like wanting to give his children time to adjust to the idea of the two of you getting married. He might also have been very scarred from his last marriage: so much so that he needs to see that you are up to the challenges of marriage.

    One thing that men seem to understand about marriage that women don't seem to get is that marriage is not about getting anything. Really, honestly, truly: don't go into this for the sake of getting ANYTHING. Marriage is about giving. And giving, and giving, and giving: even when you feel like you have nothing to give. Your fiance might be approaching marriage more soberly than you are because he understands the full weight of that commitment better than you do.

    If, on the other hand, you have reason to believe that he fundamentally wants to be a single man chasing shirts, then maybe his stalling has given you a good indication that it is time to find a better man.

    Either way, an ultimatum will not solve anything. And it will probably end up just making your life worse. Don't give an ultimatum.

  • How long have you been engaged? And, maybe you should just tell him how you feel and see where it takes the two of you...although, you can't rush things...Follow your you do know him better than we do. So, you should know if he is just "keeping" you around...another thing...he may be just scared? He may want to know for sure this time? Before he has another failed marriage? You know? H may be thinking about his kids as well..If he rushes into things, then the marriage failed, then maybe his kids would be hurt and confused as well. This does affect kids dramatically. Like I said, he may just need more time to be sure...And, to us, enough time is 1/3 of enough time to men. Seriously. But, the best thing for you to do, is to try to be understandin and think about his shoes. Talk to him about it...But, in a calm manner..Then, from his answer and should try to be understanding about it. And, if that doesn't help, then come back and tell us what happened.

    • haha my bad..i meant together..sorry didn't mean engaged.

    • We've been engaged for 1yr. His kids and I get along very well. They get along better with me then their own mom. And there are plenty of times that his kids said that they would rather stay at our house then go back to their mom's and their stepdads. So the kids are not the issue. The kids are not the issue. It's his mental state I think... But if he is not ready then he shouldn't have asked me to marry him in the 1st place. And if he is scarred, then he shouldn't have been in a commited relati

  • Your story isn't enough for us to answer that. Also, how would we know the better for you? I'd say follow your mind, heart and guts.