It doesn't feel the same after we got married. What can I do?

Me and my husband got married 3 months ago, but before that everything had always been perfect. After we got married he started to be laid back and not care about my feelings, emotions and needs. I feel horrible, it's like I'm pushing myself away by not liking how he is behaving with me. It's really hurtful, I can't even sleep.

I've tried to let him know, but even though he says he will do better, he never does. It's worst every time. Even my guy friends care more about me than he does now. I'm so disappointed. I don't know what to do anymore.

All this is making me regret marrying him, and just leave. But I don't want to get to the point where I could. I still love him, and don't want this to fall apart. But I'm tired of him not caring anymore. And I need to be loved. What can I do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You can expect some of that in any marriage, though three months is pretty early. You may have to meet him in the middle and learn to live with less of the benefits "courting" and "dating" phases give you. While he may not send you roses just to say, "I love you" or cuddle while watching movies or greet you with hugs and kisses anymore, the trade is that you know he's coming home to you, everyday, for the rest of your life. He sacrificed his bachelor-ness and promised to love...

    And CHERISH - which it sounds like he's not doing. So, he'll need to improve a little too and stop taking things for granted. You could bargain with him using sex ploys "if you make me feel sexy, I'll show you how sexy I can be"...that type of thing.

    Or, you may be able to make him jealous a bit and re-ignite some male ego. If a guy at work is flirting with you, for instance, mention it. Tell him that it's nice to hear compliments for a change. That could backfire, I suppose.

    There is a member on this site named A R Norman...I'd search for her answers and maybe send her a message. She always has good advice and she's happily married.

    Best wishes


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What Guys Said 1

  • I think anonymous had it right. There has to be a middle ground, things do change when you get married for a guy. The chase is no longer there, but if he truly loves you, he will continue to make improvements to make you happy. I think with most guys (at least with me) I got a little scared after getting married.

    It's the same person there all the time, but I knew that I didn't want anyone else there so I fought those feelings and I won. I admit that I have a tendency to get complacent, but my wife reminds me and I try to keep her first in my thoughts and actions.

    Guys are like this...sometimes we just need a little kick to get us back in there. I hope it works out for you, the only other thing I can say is always keep communication open, that is most important.

    • Complacent and getting some talk is understandable, while getting frustrated with your marriage after only 3 months is not. Or she is living in a totally different world and they have a huge disconnection. I say she should dump him!

What Girls Said 2

  • Well you can start by loving yourself! I understand you want his love and affection but saying you need it to feel good is not a good thing in itself. You have to love you and make you happy then figure out what his deal is do not let his changed behavior take away your love for yourself. Now newlywed life is hard - how long were you together before you got married? It sounds like the dream stage in the relationship wore off and he is more comfortable in the fact that he feels he has you now and doesnt have to worry about being super sweet and super nice and so on...... You have to talk to him in a loving compassionate manner without talking too much cause then you will just get tuned out. Make it short and sweet and get to the point with out having an attitude and being pushy. Let him know you want him back and you want to be closer and not feel like your already growing apart. Also you be more laid back you give him a taste of his own medicine but you gotta do it the right way- don't be mean or do with a vengeance be as sweet as pie but be as he is toward you act like it's whatever. Show him what it is like then when he asks what is going on that is when you talk to him about things. Not that two wrongs make a right but giving all of yourself when your are obviously not getting anything back is just going to hurt you more in the end. Do not be so needy in your expectations as a matter of fact do not expect anything until this issue is out on the table. I am sure you feel as if since your married the games should be over but they will continue you guys are young and that's just the way it is. It kind of is a sick way to keep the relationship interesting...weird I know... But do not let him walk on you if you do not do something he will feel that it is ok to treat you this way and nothing will change. Make him realize you are not property and just because there is a ring on your finger does not mean your his possession good luck with this girl!

  • I've never been married but I've seen this happen to a friend of mine. She left and stayed with her parents for a few days which seemed to snap him out of it so they got back together. I think that's pretty risky though...after only three months, especially. I wish I had some better advice!