Some think he is leading me on, others think he is totally genuine. What is he thinking? PLEASE HELP?

so, this is kind of long, but I did my best to keep it short. please please help...

Basically, I've been involved with him for about 8 years. we are like family.

we've had our issues and have broken up in the past, but its like we are magnets and always get back together somehow.

about a year ago, I started having some issues with myself, and, long story short, was pretty awful to him and pushed his buttons for about 5 months. . . sometimes he did not even know if we were together or not.

i realized what I had done and what was going on with me internally about 3 months ago and told him I wanted to work through it, just like we work through everything, but he said he couldn't try any longer at the moment. he said he needed some time and that I needed to let him be for a little while.

i told him I was going to do anything I could to have a healthy, balanced relationship with him, so I started working on myself and going to therapy.

after about a month and a half, (we were still keeping in touch, but not spending time together) I found out that during the time I was awful to him, he was seeing and sleeping with someone else. I freaked out, but can understand why and we discussed it.

we started spending more time together and things were going well, but one night, he got an anonymous text message saying that he was a f*** up and a sleaze and that I deserved better. he felt awful because of this and said he feels guilty about what happened with him and that other girl (though he cut off contact with her a while ago because she was a 'distraction').

he said he feels we should wait longer to spend so much time together so that things can 'blow over' and he can feel good about himself in this relationship. he said he wants to be a better person and feel confident that he could marry me when we do start spending lots of time together.

ANYWAY, I told him I understood, but I kind of don't. he said he is not looking to lose any contact with me and wants to start going to church together ... ?

i have not heard from him in a few days and though I kind of expected that, I'm am starting to get anxious.

what is he thinking?

some think he is leading me on, others think he is totally genuine. I feel he is genuine, but I don't want to be stupid.

ok... I did NOT mean to submit this to the sexuality category. oops.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Men are stupid and they are always uncertain and unsure, whatever front they may put on. We appear blank but there is a lot going on in our heads actually. Some of it is football and cars, but other concerns and thoughts can be remarkably mature and in depth thoughts. The fact that he isn't immediately proposing would indicate he has other issues to resolve first. They may not be difficult to overcome. But there is something there.

    Contact him, be open and frank and communicate. So many people don't. An open approach may give him the confidence to openly discuss his concerns. If it is to be it is to be, if not then you should be happy not to be trapped in a loveless relationship and move on. Now that would be stupid. So just talk to him nicely and hopefully you can talk it all through once and for all either way.

    Good luck..


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What Guys Said 1

  • give in not to think whether he is genuine or just leading you..just be sure from here on there is compromise with the relationship..try to give in more time and see if he has changed..but also be ready if things don't end up the way your expecting..for now build again your trust from him..since he had that 'distraction'


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