I think this is perfectly said🙏
This is an interesting take. It speaks to me since marriage seems like it is mostly a production now, but I still believe in it at its core. I don't know about a letter from the government approving what you already know, but I do believe in the religious aspect. I don't know how I would feel about being in a situation like yours, but it does seem more pure than a lot of marriages. Weird.
@GnatSocks Yes, we find how we feel somewhat unusual ourselves but we are happy and as I say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. The hardest part for us is that we do accept the religious aspect of it and believe in it. However, even there, we can't put our finger on it, but it just feels contrived somehow. We continue to attend church - we are Catholic - but we play by the rules and do not partake of the sacraments. Of course, we are also raising our children in our faith. That is easy now as they are young and just roll with it. In fact, being young, our biggest problem is making sure that they sit still and behave. However, as they get older, they will likely begin to ask questions and then we have to explain matters when we are not totally sure we can ourselves.That said, we are happy. What my girlfriend and I share is natural and beautiful and we don't want to change it. We don't recommend it to everyone, but for us it has been deep, profound and loving.
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And to be more precise... to me good wife material (besides the obvious stuff people can name), above all else, must be trustworthy. She has earned that.. it's not just given out or a reward for 'time served'. So the woman who does shady things isn't wife material.
This ^ I've seen it over and over in the males of of my family getting screwed by women
yes it's very sad women have the entire judicial system on there side snd they know how to use the system
You know they stay because they want too, and they can't claim your stuff in a divorce if they leave.
Marriage is a lot more than just a piece of paper. Yes, when you get married the state does treat your relationship differently, but that's not what makes it important. If marriage was an entirely private affair I don't think it would be and less important than if it being recognized by the state. The marriage vows are an outwardly expression of an official declaration that you love someone enough that you are committed to them through thick and thin even when things get hard. If your long term partner doesn't want to make those vows I think it's a strong indication that they're only loving and committed to the relationship at a lukewarm level.
I agree that the big expensive party traditionally correlated with marriage isn't needed, but I think the indication of commitment is needed (or at least needed for a lot of people if they're going to be committed for the long haul.) The marriage vows are an outwardly expression of an official declaration that you love someone enough that you are committed to them through thick and thin even when things get hard. If your long term partner doesn't want to make those vows I think it's a strong indication that they're only loving and committed to the relationship at a lukewarm level. If my husband hadn't been interested in making those vows with me I would not have stayed with him. It would have been an indication that he wasn't as committed, devoted, and (quite frankly) loving to me as I am to him.I do agree that the big fancy party associated with marriage isn't necessary. There are plenty of people who get married at a very inexpensive version of that party. There are others who don't even have that party at all. They just elope at a courthouse or a local church. However, I do think that the commitment vows of marriage are necessary for people who want a partner who is loving and devoted to them at a higher than lukewarm level.
@IronLady6354 That's fair, but I too know people that have been together for at least 3 decades without marriage. Also, there are plenty of people who say the vows of forever when they are perfectly fine with the prospect that they may get divorced and that the marriage is fine for what they want right now but that it may not be forever. Just because you haven't said it in front of a group of people doesn't mean there is a lack of commitment and just because you say it in front of a group of people doesn't mean that they intend on truly staying forever.
@Just_Me89 Marriage isn't an event. It's a lifetime partnership.A wedding is an event.
And I completely agree with what @IronLady6354 said.
@Just_Me89 And that's true; a lot of people are fake as hell. But that's where choosing the right person comes into play.
I'm not saying divorce isn't a valid option in certain circumstances. I've actually been divorced before. However, I felt I had to get divorced to escape from an abusive situation for me and my girls. I'm sure there are also non abusive situations where divorce is valid. However, I think that the marriage vow adds a lot of strength to the commitment in that the vows rise above a certain lukewarm level of commitment. Saying the vows in front of a bunch of people isn't the most important part. For a lot of people it is a big deal for their loved ones to attend the wedding because it's such a big day, but the people being there isn't what makes the vows powerful. What makes it powerful is that you've made them to each other. There are people who elope and have no guests in their marriage. However, the marriage itself is still important to them because of the vows that were made to one another. I suppose it is possible for two people to be just as committed to each other without the vows, but I feel like making the vows is kind of like signing on the dotted line. It's an official outward manifestation of an inward commitment that you and your partner have to one another. Is it possible to have that same level of commitment without signing, but there's an extra layer of legitimacy that occurs when you do sign. Moreover, I think the majority of times someone wouldn't want to get married (AKA sign on the dotted line of the relationship) has a lot less to do with just not wanting to be bothered with the process (which really doesn't have to be elaborate. People can elope in a church or a courtroom in a a very inexpensive and non-time consuming way) and a lot more to do with not wanting to get bound to one person with that level of commitment. That's fine for them, but there are a lot of people (myself included) who think being with someone willing to reciprocate that level of love and commitment is a big deal.
The fact my husband made those vows with me (my current husband, not my ex husband) adds a huge layer of love and security to our relationship. It means he's vowed to me (and I to him) to be with me through thick and thin and even when things get hard. It's not a "I like being with you right now, but if things get too difficult I'd want to bail" iffy sort of love and commitment. Maybe some people are OK with just having that and that's fine for them, but a lot of other people want something more. And I don't agree that marriage is a lock and chain. Sure, it's a strong commitment, but it's a commitment to someone I really love and want to be with. That strong of a level of love and commitment brings a lot of love, devotion, and happiness. I know (from personal experience) it doesn't always work out, but when it does it's a pretty awesome thing (I also think it works out a lot more often than marriage skeptics think).
@IronLady6354 That's all fair for you, each to their own; all I'm saying is some people make a solid commitment without formal marriage just like others make a solid commitment through marriage. Likewise some go down the path of marriage thinking as of it as a 'for now' option just like some people don't get married because the person they're with is their 'for now' option. You can get people that sit in either camp under both circumstances.But like I say, each to their own.
"some people don't get married because the person they're with is their 'for now' option.". BINGO.""Likewise some go down the path of marriage thinking of it as a 'for now' option". But Yep! That is true as well! by the way, I hope all of those people die a painful and miserable death. They disgust me more than anything in the world.