Why is this girl doing this to me??

I have a work from home job, but every few weeks or so I have to go into my office. In May, they hired a new girl who immediately caught my eye. I am 35 and in a really horrible relationship. This girl is 24 and is married (for 2 years) with two kids. We started talking one day and hit it off. We have a lot in common. She would email me just to say hi when I wasn't working in the office. We've really opened up to each other and go to each other for advice on our relationships, as we are both in very bad relationships--except she's married and has kids and I don't.

For the last month, we would meet before work for breakfast a couple times a week. I've asked her to meet me like twice last week and she told me she couldn't ... I emailed her on Saturday and we were chatting in email. I asked her if she wanted to meet for breakfast on Tuesday (since I am going to be in the office (and haven't been in the office for like 2 weeks) and she never got back to me.

So I go in the office on Tuesday with all intentions of not talking to her at all. Her desk is right by our break room, so I have to walk by her when I get my morning coffee. So I walk by her and don't say anything. Sure enough, a minute later as I'm getting my coffee..there she is in the break room. She walks in, smiles at me, asks how I've been doing and then tells me she's glad I'm back ?!?!?! Then she's chatty with me the rest of the day when I had intended not to talk to her at all because this is irritating me.

Then it comes up in conversation that she met her sister for breakfast before work on Tuesday (she doesn't see her sister that often so they meet sometimes for breakfast or lunch) I never asked her why she never responded back to me, she just said she met her sister before work on Tuesday.

OK..well why didn't she just tell me this on Saturday? Why string me along? I know this girl is married but she should at least be courteous to me... and why is she telling me she's glad I'm back? She has flirted with me in the past (telling me she thinks I'm good looking and I've told her the same)...but I'm getting really confused here...


Most Helpful Guy

  • The girl isn't doing anything to you. You are doing this to yourself. You know she is married. You know she is unavailable to you- or should be.

    She has kids. So have you thought for even one second about how you will tear those kids' lives apart if you play a role in the destruction of their parents' marriage? Are you ready to step in and take over being a father to those kids? I doubt it. What about her husband? Are you OK with seeing his heart torn out because you wanted to play the hot lover? Or have you been thinking only of yourself? At the very least, you need to end your "bad relationship" before you go fishing in other waters.

    She's not off the hook either. Clearly, she is also thinking only of herself and not of either her husband or her children. Sometimes marriages do have to end, unfortunately, and people do get hurt when that happens. Especially the kids. There can be serious reasons for a marriage to fail. The fact that the two of you have the hots for one another isn't one of them.

    And when this torrid little thing of yours burns itself out, as it most surely will, are you going to take a good look at the wreckage you have left behind, and be there for the cleanup, or will you turn away whistling with your hands in your pockets on the way to your next adventure?

    You both need to grow up. Stay away from each other.

    Sometimes, I just plain run out of patience...


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What Girls Said 2

  • You need to stop emailing anything less than perfunctory business emails to her. You're not being fair to her since she's a married woman and may not be able to answer you every second of every day. (Sorry for the exaggeration there, but consider the fact that her actual husband and children would want to be with her before work. Consider why it is more prudent for her NOT to answer you.)

  • Sounds like the girl finds you fun easy to talk to, but knows how to keep boundaries. Both of you are in relationships and your current relationship doesn't call for meeting up for breakfast or being obliged to return texts.


What Guys Said 1

  • She assumes you're adult enough to understand she has a lot of other pirorities! That you do't control her schedule! My god, you're not even dating and you resent her time with her sister!

    • I don't really resent anything. I go work out before I go to work. It would just be nice If she said she had plans instead of ignoring me.

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