Does he really want out?

Hey guys I need a male opinion (girls too but looking for insight on the male side). My ex broke up with me the end of May after we went to a marriage weekend course. There was no warning for the break up.

It wasn't the first time we talked marriage we had our kids names picked out. We were together 4 years lived together and everything. He broke up with me but then for a month kept coming around. the end of June he sat on my couch and said he loved me and didn't want me to move on to another guy that he wanted to show me that he got jealous when I talked to other guys He called me all his little pet names and then I said something about this not being a break up and he got pissed said I needed to move on so he could then he got in his truck burned rubber down the street and that is the last I have heard from or seen him.

I removed him as a friend off Facebook and out of my phone and email. He has not helped me close bank accounts or tie up loose end financially, he has not come to get his stuff out of the house, he has not signed the dog (something so small and trivial) over to me and so much more stuff needs to be handled together to officially be done. I am not sure I understand why if he REALLY does want to get out of our relationship that he won't be a man and finalize the things that need to be taken care of...

He asks about me to mutual friends (they tell me) does this mean he is creeping my Facebook as well? He tells people (friends his mom and it gets told to me) that he regrets his decision and wishes he hadn't made it.

He'll be 30 in a week Aug 5th. I have not seen talked to or heard from him since June 20th. We have been friends for 8 years and dated for 4 so it's been a long time we've known each other.

Do you think he could be keeping tabs on my Facebook? Is this really what he wants? I am moving on and living my life and being independent and stuff but I'm curious why he would be saying one thing and doing another...


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What Guys Said 1

  • A lot of times serious moves toward commitment raise the stakes for the partner more fearful of attachment. Perhaps that marriage weekend course made him really realize how seriously close he was to having to face his demons and he freaked out? Just a thought. I don't know for sure.

    In any case, if something like this is what happened, it is pretty textbook. I highly recommend this book:


    It will really help explain how and why this pattern plays out. And perhaps you can get him to read it or can at least figure out how to interact with him more effectively with a deeper understanding of why he might be acting as he is. I don't know if your weekend retreat took things from this angle, but I think you will find it helpful.


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