Legal Separation or Divorce?

My husband and I have been having SO many problems and I'm at my breaking point. I just can't stand to be around him right now. We've tried marriage counseling and it just didn't help. The fact is, he's just way too immature. Neither of us wants a divorce. I know he really has been trying to make this work and I feel that we do both love each other very much, but I just cannot deal with him treating me like a mommy anymore.

A few days ago he suggested a legal separation. He says this is a way for us to split up, give him time to grow up and "learn to be an adult", and then we get back together later without having to deal with an ugly divorce and on top of that he says we would be able to "see other people". He would want to keep supporting me even if we did divorce but I would feel so wrong about that, especially if I found someone else.

We're both also quite concerned with the financial aspects. He's in the military and he is worried this will affect his BHA.

I'm just no at all sure what to do. I know I can't keep living like we have been, but I love him. I don't want to end this marriage because I know he's trying. He just needs time to figure it out. I'm supposed to go back home (24 hours away) for a few months and he was saying we should do this then so its not right in our faces. Like no one has to feel guilty if we dated other people. It would basically be like a break-up right?


Most Helpful Guy

  • To me, seeing other people is a break-up. Marriage is not all a piece of paper, it is the bond, the intimacy, the privacy, and the specialness of having each other. My soon-to-be ex did not set me apart from her friends, everything came first before me. She spoke about me being a liability to her when I made an error. So, I am not looking back, I can't. Being separate but in the same household has changed us both. She is still leaving, I am staying, we decided this to be the most effective for both of us. I shut down and had very little motivation, she spoke like she hated me but, never understood what her words meant though she is very empathetic. I don't want to stay in contact because she won't change, she has said that. She is 42, I am 37, and I am getting too old to be teaching a wife how to give a damn about somebody, I would say she is getting too old and too "Aries" to deal with a disgruntle "Leo" temperament. God made marriage, people always will want out, it is the toughest job we will ever have. I say take time away without seeing others, that would be a deal breaker. He should find another way to "grow up" maybe spend some time with his real mother. Maybe you can make a list of what you do wrong or vice versa, you each make a list and pass it to the other. It cannot always be one persons fault, although sometimes it is. I am the only one admitting fault in my situation, that is where mine is going to be a divorce.

    • He's never lived out on his own before or had to be the responsible party before; the only reason he even moved out at all is because he's in the military and stationed over 24 hours away so being with his real mom is not an option.

    • I really hope everything went well for you. I am in a very unnecessary but very nasty divorce, but they broke the mold when she was made let me tell you. You have serious decisions to make. From the sounds of it he is not prepared to know how to make the decisions he should. Thank you. Good luck.

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