Is he respecting my marriage?

I have a real problem and need some advice. I joined a gym and consulted with a personal trainer for my complimentary work up. He was friendly and nice but not overtly at that point. He knew I was married at that point, it's on my records. Fast forward and now we have been training together for about 4 months now and he does the following: touches me every time he sees me (back shoulders stomach), compliments my body non stop(saying "you look amazing as always","your husband should appreciate how great you look" "if you were single men would be all over you", etc)has deep eye contact, wants to talk about me all the time and my life, tells me all about himself and his life, asks what my plans are for the weekend, tells me he has told his friends how beautiful I am, stares at me all the time, tells me that he and the other trainers talk about my body. We exchanged texts several times, initiated by me strictly to ask about appt time and he turned it a bit racy. Then, he tells me he's seeing someone or talks about the girls he likes (which I think he does to make me jealous) and quits returning my e-mails which I make sure are always proper and non-flirty. He texted me once at 11 pm for something that wasn't important and I feel was a feeler from him. Then the next time he sees me he's all flirty again. Last time I talked to him he sat there spread eagle in his chair like he was advertising his goods.

I have been married happily for 18 years and this is really the first time I have asked "is he really hitting on me, or is this in my head?" I make sure to stay completely professional with him and I absolutely love him as a trainer but feel that maybe he's crossing the line a bit. Do you guys think I am reading into this or does he potentially have feelings for me? If I fire him as my trainer and he really didn't have feelings, I am going to look like a complete fool. My gut is telling me that he is crushing and I have to admit, his actions have me thinking about him a bit too much. It's like he acts like he really likes me then reals himself in. I have told my hubby everything and been completely above board with him and he's at the gym when I train with the PT.

Do you think he hasn't made a move since he knows I am married and is just respecting that? Why would he ask about my weekend plans all of the sudden after 4 months?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Just for the record, I used to manage a gym.

    This trainer is overstepping his boundries as a professional. It is not uncommon in the personal training business to try to be as personable as possible, including touching to show proper form when doing exercises if you lack the ability to do the technique correctly.

    All that being said, excessive comments related to flirting and late-night phone calls unrelated to appointments are unwelcome and unwarranted. You've never given him any reason to believe that your relationship was anything but a business transaction and he's overreaching.

    You have a couple options here:

    1. Speak with him directly and let him know that you are happily married, but appreciate his flattery. If this doesn't cool his heels a bit, then consider one of the options below.

    2. Pull aside his boss and tell him that you find late-night communication unrelated to your workouts as unsolicited and unwelcome.

    3. Change workout times to a new trainer which covers different hours, if this is an option with your schedule and that of the available trainers.

    The major fitness training organizations warn very clearly against flirting with clients. If he's certified, he should know that such behavior is a breach of client/trainer trust and it needs to be stopped via one of the methods above.

    • Thanks for the insight! For the record, I have been working out for 20 years and he knows I know the proper form, etc and his touching has never been related to form correction. He will stand behind me with his body almost touching mine, find reasons to brush up against me, etc. I wish it was as easy as him only correcting my form :(

    • Show All
    • I know that I should request another trainer but that is going to open a can or worms. I really need to make sure this isn't just in my own mind and something that I have read into. I don't want to make a fool out of myself! His feelings and intentions really do matter because I can't go accusing him of something unethical and essentially firing him myself or risking the gym firing him for something that was just all in my head.

    • Well, you can try to be as dismissive of any comments he makes, hopefully with him getting the hint. If he's not intentionally going after you, he's very dense to think that such behavior is strictly in the realm of professional training services. Give him the benefit of the doubt, but there's nothing wrong with asking him to give you a bit more space when working out. That, for starters, isn't unreasonable, nor does it involve his managers.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • Whether he's crushing on you or not he is crossing too many lines. And besides, your happily married, should it matter if he has feelings for you? Listen to @TheDigitalSaint, he knows what he's talking about.

  • If you have to ask the question, don't you already know the answer? The guy is crossing lines without any encouragement from you. That's not cool and he needs to know that whether you decide to address that with him personally or have a boss take care of it for you.

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