Arranged Marriage For Yourself?

I'd like open-minded, weighs the pros and cons kind of persons to reply to this. If you have a strong dislike toward arranged marriages and you can't see both sides, I'd rather not hear from you.

I'm not looking for an argument.

So I do love a lot of people, family, friends, so on. It's not that I don't love anyone. But everyone is so skeptical and/or confused about love when it comes to relationships and marriage, and I'm afraid that goes for myself too.

Now I don't plan on this anytime soon, I am seventeen and I have a few years before I get serious about it. I think it would be better if I didn't look for that "one" and "true love" because one, come on, that's pretty ridiculous and two, he's never going to come because he doesn't exist.

Women seem to make up this perfect guy and get hit hard with reality when he doesn't come.

Arranged marriages actually tend to have a better success rates than those who choose their own spouses.

So I got to thinking. Wouldn't it be better to pick a guy who is good for me and who I am good for rather than someone who I may or may not be in love with and could end up being wrong about?

I really do not think some great love is going to come along. I do want a friend, and I do want love, don't get me wrong. But I'm not waiting for some fairytale guy, nor do I want to.

I think with this tactic I can find a guy who has some things I want, who is good for me, who can possibly be my best friend, and spend the rest of my life happy.

And the same goes for that guy, he gets something he wants, if I have anything he wants, gets some of what is good for him, he gets a best friend, and someone to grow up with.

We get each other to grow up with and be there for.

So yes, we'd choose, but we wouldn't be looking for that spectacular amazing, fairytale love that just isn't going to happen.

We'd each get a best friend.

And finally, if we thought we found what's good for us, we'd get married.

Has anyone else done this, looked for this kind of thing?

What do you think is good for you?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I am not sure what culture you are from but let me give you my take on AM (arranged marriage).

    AMs are not based on passion. AMs are not just a bond between 2 people. They are based on how one family accepts the other one and how the elders o the family find the pair compatible. The passion grows as the relationship grows. Not sometimes, the spark is there but many times it is not there. But the idea behind AM is different. AM is extreme hard work and continuous effort to make things work. That is why there is a perception that they last longer. Why? Because it is a family bond and there is a lot more at stake.

    Also, the best practice in AM is that when you get engaged, you may start seeing each other but the fun is when you are not allowed by the families. That's why, it is good to have a 3-6 month engagement period that helps to understand each other staying within limits of contact. Often, that period serves as an insurance just in case there is a complete mismatch. A longer engagement period creates nothing but problems. I hope I made sense.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Who am I going to choose to arrange my marriage for me?

    Besides dealing with that qualification process, I am in control and capable of deciding for myself, thank you (not you, just "you"). Just because other people are idiots and can't decide on a good partner before taking the plunge doesn't mean that the statistic will be applied to me. No marriage is worth getting into if I don't fully know the person.

    • Oh no, you misunderstood. You choose your own partner, you just don't do it based on romance and passion. It's a logical approach to marriage.

    • Oh, well I'd do that anyway. Don't see what's so "arranged" about that, then? :)

    • Well, you kind of got me there. :) Just couldn't find the proper name for it 'til now. XD

What Girls Said 2

  • I think it sounds like a very diplomatic approach to something that should be a little magical. If what you're looking for is just a companion, then by all means go for it. But I'm looking for romance on top of a companion. I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone than give that up. I'd never be happy married to someone who I didn't feel those romantic feelings for to an extreme degree. But I'm also not that desperate to get married. I want to, and I plan on it, but I won't settle for someone to have it.

    • Well yeah, I suppose I am looking at in a diplomatic way. I understand that. I'm not desperate, just considering my options. I'm also going into a tough career, that would destroy a romantic-based relationship, so I really do think it's not only good for me but the right thing to do.

  • "And finally, if we thought we found what's good for us, we'd get married."

    to me that sort of sounds like dating and then getting married the regular way...doesn't it? Not trying to put down what you're saying though...just trying to understand the concept you are communicating

    • I'm just, logical when it comes to relationships. Everything else I can be passionate about and throw myself into, but when it comes to dating and things a long those lines, I just see it in black and white. There's a need for a partner, someone you can compromise and negotiate with, someone you can settle an argument with instead of just getting mad and ignoring it after awhile, someone you can grow up with and have as a best friend. I guess I just don't want the passion in that part of my life